Kick friend out? Feel awful

[boboismylove]

Hiya, not sure if this is the right place...

I've been having a friend crash for the last 3-4 months. I crashed with them a few years ago for a couple of months after I graduated until I found a job, so thought I should help her out while she saves money to rent a room with her bar job. I'm a single mum who works part time from home with a 10 month old baby.

The issue is she has becoming more and more moody and aggressive. She had a month in between jobs last month, and she would sleep 16 hours a day before waking up in the evening in awful moods, and having a go at me for not being tidy enough. She has a go at me for the smell of nappies wrapped up in nappy bags in the bin (I take them out every day). She has a go at me for not paying enough attention to me baby (sometimes I let him whine for a few secs if I'm doing something). She doesn't have kids and doesn't seem very sympathetic. She doesn't contribute to the housework or anything, although she does play with my baby sometimes. I've started getting really tense and anxious, waiting for her to wake up and wondering what mood she will be in. She uses language like calling me a dumb bitch. I think she is very depressed.

She doesn't have family in the country, and the couple of friends who live near us - one can't take her and the other she has already stayed with and fallen out with. I think at some point she had enough to rent a room but spent a load in the month she wasn't working. Its London so everything is expensive.

I just don't know what to do - whether to kick her out or how. Its especially difficult as I stayed with her in the past. I've tried talking to her, and she always says she is working to save the money ect.

Kerb. Immediately. If you're afraid she'll kick off, have another grown up with you when you tell her, preferably male.

I think you need to sit her down and explain her attitude stinks given that you're doing so much for her. And that attitude changes or she leaves. Divide up a list of household jobs for both of you and if she is rude, you challenge it. If she doesn't shape up, ship her out.

Wait till the next time she complains or says something unpleasant and then reply with " obviously, this isn't working anymore. I think it is better if you leave. I am happy I was able to help you for X weeks. Take 4 days to find a place and best of luck"

Could a few of us turn up and be waiting in the living room when she wakes up , tell her you have joined our cult ? need a bit of inspiration as to a name , outfits , cult ethos .

Yes you need to kick her out, she sounds awful.

Throw her out. Given how she acts do you trust her around your baby?

I’m sorry to have to say this but you will be the next person she has a fall out with. She is getting on your last one and no bloody wonder! Moaning about how your house looks and smells and she’s staying, getting under your feet for free!
Put her out fgs. Give her a week and stick to it. She will fall out with you because you will put her in the situation of having to find somewhere else to live but frankly tough shit...she sounds rude and ungracious. You’ve done your bit and repaid your debt. Bye now!

Being depressed is not an excuse to call someone a "dumb bitch". I have suffered from depression for decades and I have never called anyone that, nor has anyone with depression that I know of. So she may well be depressed, but that doesn't give her a free pass to be as nasty as she chooses to you.

I also wouldn't have anyone staying in my home who called me that. If you are worried at her reaction when you tell her to go, ask someone else to be there. But you really have to tell her to get out of your home.

Are you claiming single person council tax discount, tax credits or housing benefit? Javing her there puts those benefits in jeopardy.

She isn't from the country. We have a good mutual friend north who would have her/ help her find a more permanent job. I don't know where else she could go right now, though she prob has enough money to rent a shared room.

For the first month the company was nice, but since then its just got awful and the occasional attention she gives to the babe just isn't worth it :( . It makes me feel bad about the baby's father even, because not wanting to be in a situation like this is why I left him!

Time is UP...by all means help her to plan, but she MUST leave by x date.
You have been kind enough and it is tipping into doormat territory

I'm about to claim for tax credits - not for anything else! But yeah thats a good point.

OP, from experience if you are feeling anxious and walking on eggshells now it will only get a whole lot worse if she stays without her altering her attitude.

The 'friend' seems to have a pattern of behaviour. That is being ungrateful and rude to those showing her kindness.

If you wouldn't treat someone so appallingly, you must not put up with someone treating you so dreadfully in your place of sanctuary.

If you can't throw her and find it difficult to talk to her, give her a written list of conditions she needs to abide by. State that failure to abide by them will mean that she has to leave immediately with arrangements made for her to return to collect the rest of her belongings.

If she ignores the conditions and continues with her bad behaviour you have to follow through however guilty you feel.

As others have said you have repaid her, you have no ties to her and owe her nothing.

She is speaking to you like dirt and she doesn't lift a finger to help in your house. There is no respect for you at all - in fact, she sounds contemptuous and ungrateful.

I think it's time for her to leave.

Don’t bother with giving any notice, it might even escalate her abusive behaviour. You really don’t owe her that given her abuse. Bag up her stuff, get the lock changed, just the cylinder and put the stuff outside the door when she is close by. The moment, someone is behaving this foul, they forfeit the right to any notice period. You repaid her more than in full for any past favour. Let her go to a hostel or cheap B&B, don’t waste a second or worry about someone that abusive. If this friend was male, everyone would tell you to kick the bastard out.

Temptress is right, you're loyalty is misplaced, get her out !
OP, you owe her nothing.

Thanks for all you comments, they have made me feel a better that this is what I should do xx

She left for work after an argument during which I told her to leave, and she hasn't come back yet. I'm kind of worried but I'm sure she has enough to rent a bed in a hostel and has the option of going to a friend's in another city. I know she would rather be on the streets than apologise and I can't ask her to come back! :(

I can't afford to live in London myself - this flat is a short term rental as I needed to sort some stuff out here after my break up and wanted a decent safe place for 8 months! I just want to enjoy the rest of the time i have here with my baby xx

Did she take her stuff with her? If not she may come back and think she can stay a few more nights until she sorts something else out.

If she has left her stuff, bag it up. Then if she comes back give it to her and ask for the key. Ideally you should change the lock anyway. You can do it yourself cheaply without calling out a locksmith. Check out youtube. Get the new lock when she is definitely at work. You don't want her getting in when you are not there.

Well done OP, now she's out, don't ever let her over the threshold again, keep it that way.
Bag up her things, if she comes back, of says she's on her way, put them outside the door. As above, change the locks, failing that, a bolt and chain.