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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son ripped off and I let it happen!

32 replies

Pinkyblinder · 03/02/2018 14:58

A few years ago I bought my son a hybrid bike for approximately £450 and got other bits and bobs for it.

Son who is 22 has Aspergers. Today he has sold the bike after putting it on Gumtree. How much did he get?

£40

Yes, flaming £40! The guy even noted that it hadn't been used much and looked in good condition (underneath the layer of dirt). He even said I must glad to have it out of my way (due to small house it was kept in the hallway). Now I've just watched the guy who bought it put it in a 2016 Jaguar car.

On the one hand my son is an adult and can make his own decisions. But I feel he massively undervalued the bike. I tried to get the guy to up the amount to £60 (which I know you are not supposed to do). I'm so annoyed as I feel that instead of trying to get my son an extra £20 I should have stepped in and said no, the bike is not for sale. AIBU for thinking this?

OP posts:

TheStoic · 03/02/2018 15:03

Don’t kick yourself too hard. This wasn’t your fault. As long as your son is not upset, that’s all that matters.

Nitrobetty1 · 03/02/2018 15:08

I understand I’d feel pretty gutted too. Try not too pissed off. It’s gone now. A life lesson perhaps for your son if you can maybe point out how much more he could have got for it. Maybe he’d get it if you did a flow chart of the initial cost showing what he sold it for & what you can do for £40 versus the £200 he might have got if he’d taken advice before advertising it. Sorry I know you probably worked hard to buy it originally you’re entitled to feel fed up.

Chugalug · 03/02/2018 15:28

I've 2 with autism.this is my worry that the world will see them coming.id of offered son the £40 myself and then ceaned it up and sold it for much more.

diddl · 03/02/2018 15:33

I think that if the first that you knew about it was when the guy turned up there's not a lot that you could do tbh.

OldPony · 03/02/2018 15:35

I thought you were going to say he did a fart.

NewYearNewMe18 · 03/02/2018 15:37

Your DS wasn't 'ripped off' - he put it up for a price and got that price. It isn't the buyers fault and the fact he drives a nice car is completely irrelevant.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 03/02/2018 15:42

Agree that he wasn’t ripped off, he put it for sale for nothing. I know that you say he is an adult but you know he is not when it comes to financial awareness.

I would try to convince him to discuss with you adequate pricing before putting more stuff in Gumtree.

Rudgie47 · 03/02/2018 15:59

I've bought and sold loads of bikes in my time and he would be looking at around £150 if it was in very good condition. No way would he get £200 plus.
As soon as you get a bike and try to sell it you will lose around 1/3 of the value, then after 3 years or so its worth around 1/3 of what you bought it for new. If its still o.k. Less if it needs new components.
I'd let it go and move on. Hes lost around £100 its not worth getting upset about.
Next time if he wants to sell something then do it with him.

ChelleDawg2020 · 03/02/2018 16:06

YABU, he wasn't "ripped off" at all. To be ripped off, either the purchaser or seller would be trying to screw the other over. The seller advertised the bike for a low price, and the buyer was happy to pay for it. The buyer wasn't trying to cheat anyone, he offered the asking price.

If your son isn't capable of making sound financial transactions then you should investigate whether there is anything that can be done to restrict him from making them. A small loss like this is nothing compared to if, for example, he maxed out a credit card or took out a high-APR payday loan.

Jenny17 · 03/02/2018 16:11

I think he was taken advantage of. If an item is well below the rrp and in good condition I wouldn’t pay well below without knowing why. I like a good bargain but £40 is cheeky.

We live and learn. Next time supervise the things that really matter.

TheClacksAreDown · 03/02/2018 16:12

Did he advertise it for £40? If so I don’t think you can say he was ripped off by the purchaser.

BlueSkyBurningBright · 03/02/2018 16:23

Bikes loose value very quickly. I sold my DS hybrid bike which I bought for nearly 400 for 40. It was 10 years old and in good condition, hardly used.

After the guy had paid and gone off with the bike, dh told me that the pump I had left on it was the same as one he had just bought for 30. Ho hum, never mind.

Original poster

Pinkyblinder · 03/02/2018 16:24

Thanks everyone.

There's loads of background stuff going on with my son and this is just another trigger point.

I know that the buyer saw the bike was a bargain and rightly wanted it. Yes the car he drove is irrelevant. But it just rubbed salt in the wound to me strangely.

I also know that I gave the bike to my son as a gift and that he can do what he wants with it. But knowing that the money will be spent on rubbish in a day or two with nothing to show for it will upset me.

I have been a cash machine for my son especially in last few months but have been putting my foot down and saying no. Which is why he sold the bike. Yes maybe I should have bought it from him myself. But I think he would have just sold it again, because he would still consider it to be his.

I know I should just forget about it now and move on. But unfortunately it will take some time to get it out of my head. It's the way my mind works!

Thanks again.

OP posts:

redmarkone · 03/02/2018 16:31

definitely taken advantage of. the buyer should be mightily embarrassed, CF.

Vitalogy · 03/02/2018 16:35

I can understand you being annoyed OP. Hopefully he's learnt a lesson. Not such a big loss as you thought maybe. Was your son bothered at all?

I thought you were going to say he did a fart. Crying. You're as daft as me you are.

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/02/2018 16:37

Commiserations, OP, I would be upset by this too. You're the one who's lost out here, both financially and emotionally. Your DS didn't know what he was doing and a complete stranger has gained from the situation. You're in a very difficult, challenging situation generally.

5plusMeAndHim · 03/02/2018 17:02

how old was it, what kind of bike? carbon? how much was it new?

roundaboutthetown · 03/02/2018 17:05

What you mean, OP, is that you let your ds rip you off, as he wastes his money and then asks you to top his finances up. The buyer did nothing wrong. Either you let your ds sell his stuff, or you don't and then explain to him why you think "his" stuff is not "his" to sell without consulting you, first (because he is still clearly financially illiterate and entirely dependent on you, meaning his choices impact directly and negatively on you).

Original poster

Pinkyblinder · 03/02/2018 17:06

#Bluesky - Bike was about five years old. Now I'm thinking that son didn't remove the £20 all singing and dancing front light. Feel worse now!

@Vitalogy - He's not bothered and just says I should have lent him the money in the first place. Now he's talking about what else he can sell and even asked how much did I buy my TV for!

#Bettercall - If I keep giving my son money he will keep asking. If I don't he will sell his few belongings for a pittance. Then there is the worry that my stuff will start to disappear because son has sold them. My son doesn't do drugs or drink, but because of the Aspergers at times it's like dealing with an addict. Once an idea is in his head or he wants something that's it. There's no stopping him or trying to reason with him. Life is therefore very difficult at the moment. That's probably why the bike issue is upsetting me more than it should.

OP posts:

roundaboutthetown · 03/02/2018 17:13

Pinkyblinder - your ds wanted a quick sale, so he sold it at a price where he would get just that. If you do not like it, it is your ds you need to deal with, not the bargain hunters he is happily transacting with. They are giving him a quick sale, cash in hand, which is clearly what he wants, because your ds is not the one suffering the consequences of his choices.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 03/02/2018 17:15

I’m very sorry pinky that you are going through this. It is not just a bike, a gift, a few pounds or a guy who is well off getting it for nothing. But knowing that no matter how much you try, DS would continue to be a liability to himself and that hurts like hell.

It is also very sad that all such sacrifice to provide for him go unnoticed, you are have been fighting this battle for years, it is natural that you feel upset and tired.

I know that virtual hugs are useless but I’m sending you one from here. Take a step back this evening, have a calm time with yourself, cry a little bit if you need to (I would), things will look better tomorrow.

Original poster

Pinkyblinder · 03/02/2018 17:19

@5plus - The bike was about 5 years old and a Specialized Sirrus Hybrid. Not the fancy carbon version though.

@roundabout - You are quite right. The issue is with my son for not understanding the value of anything. Some of which should be laid at my door. He has no friends and doesn't work. As well as Aspergers he has OCD and I believe other mental health issues which he will not acknowledge. Life with him is very difficult but that's a topic for some other thread.

Thanks again everyone for the responses. Will try and calm down and deal with the real issues going on.

OP posts:

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 03/02/2018 17:26

I think he put it up for a price and got that, however nobody is going to walk away from a bargain. I got two nice oak chairs for £20 the pair....they were definitely worth much more (not sure how much) but we needed chairs for the dining table and these were a bargain. We are not selling them on.

That said I think those with autism can be ripped off easily as sometimes their sense of value for money isn't what it would be for others. My son wanted to sell his PS4 for £25 which just happened to be the amount he needed for a new XBox game. We had to step in and point out his PS4 was worth much more...and in the end his Dad bought it from him for the going rate on eBay. But he could and would have sold it for much less.

roundaboutthetown · 03/02/2018 17:26

Pinkyblinder - it sounds really tough for you. Have you tried seeking advice on the special needs boards, or from support organisations in real life? There must be lots of parents like you having to deal with situations like this.

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/02/2018 17:27

Pinky

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