Son ripped off and I let it happen!

[Pinkyblinder]

A few years ago I bought my son a hybrid bike for approximately £450 and got other bits and bobs for it.

Son who is 22 has Aspergers. Today he has sold the bike after putting it on Gumtree. How much did he get?

£40

Yes, flaming £40! The guy even noted that it hadn't been used much and looked in good condition (underneath the layer of dirt). He even said I must glad to have it out of my way (due to small house it was kept in the hallway). Now I've just watched the guy who bought it put it in a 2016 Jaguar car.

On the one hand my son is an adult and can make his own decisions. But I feel he massively undervalued the bike. I tried to get the guy to up the amount to £60 (which I know you are not supposed to do). I'm so annoyed as I feel that instead of trying to get my son an extra £20 I should have stepped in and said no, the bike is not for sale. AIBU for thinking this?

If the bike had not been serviced during that period, it's likely that things like brakes and so forth would need replacing even if it wasn't used that much. Therefore whilst it's possible that he might have got £100 for it, at a push, I don't think that he lost too much from the sale.

It is annoying about the light though.

Have a glass of wine and be kind to yourself tonight.

@Notsure - You have just made me cry as you have explained so well how I am feeling.

Thanks for the kind words and virtual hugs. Not too hopeful about tomorrow, but thanks.

Have you told your son that you are angry and upset because he has sold something that you worked hard to buy for him for less than it was worth, and that now he doesn't have a bike anymore?

Pinkyblinder my younger brother also has Aspergers and OCD. In his early 20s he went off the rails, got in trouble with the law, started some seriously risky behaviour, fell in with some incredibly manipulative people and ended up being almost killed by them. He also became an alcoholic. All of it was because of an inability to deal with his aspergers.

As it happens, one day he decided to turn his life around and, because of his aspergers and the single-mindedness that it brought, he literally changed overnight. He stopped drinking, ditched his ‘friends’ and stopped being an all-round dick. He was also lucky enough to get a part-time job which was very physically challenging. Being exhausted helps him manage his symptoms. My parents used his DLA to employ a care worker to act as a kind of ‘friend ‘ for him. They just do stuff together to get him out of the house and use up some of his energy.

I just wanted to let you know that things can change. They can get better. I think part of it was hormonal and a bit of emotional immaturity on my brother’s part. His life now isn’t perfect but he loves semi-independently now which was unthinkable ten years ago when my mum couldn’t even leave him alone while she went to work.

I hope things get better for your boy

Sounds like hes got you over a barrell regarding money.
Could you tell him its time for him to move out into some supported accomodation?. You shouldnt be worried about the possibility of your belongings going missing.
I'd give serious thought about your life as well as his.

@roundabout - I have been in contact with so many organisations trying to get help for my son. But at moment he will not engage with them. As he is an adult he needs to agree to be referred to them but he won't.

Thanks for the reference to the Special needs board for teenagers and young adults. I have posted there under a different user name before but the board is on the whole extremely quiet. Which is a bit upsetting for those that have issues with their children.

@Missymayhem - He knows and doesn't care. It's all about what he needs right now which is some money no matter how little.

@Janice - I did live in hope that one day my son would get his act together and things would improve. Unfortunately things have got worse over the last few months. But as in your brother's case maybe he needs a few more years yet. Just writing that though fills me with despair that I have to go through this for some more years!

Again thanks very much for everyone's responses. For those putting things into perspective and those with advice and kind words. Everything has been taken on board and I will now go away, treat myself to fish and chips (cos I deserve it even though the scales don't agree) and settle down to The Voice on TV. Thanks.

Sorry, last post to @Rudgie47. He has got me over a barrel. He is on local authority housing list with priority status. But he doesn't want to wait and wants private housing which he can't afford. He won't accept support as he believes people are assessing his mental health. I've thrown him out on a number of occasions for various reasons but he keeps coming back and stupid as I am I let him back in as he is my son and I care about him.

I must stop now as I have said too much. And to think this thread started with the sale of a bike.