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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH read my posts and I'm furious!

28 replies

Scootergirl · 30/04/2007 09:04

After a "debate" last night about having more children during which I said something about people on Mumsnet agreeing with me, DH (or just H today!) got on the computer and read my posts "to see what I'd said about him".
I am so cross I can't speak to him.
Any views on whether this is unreasonable or not?

OP posts:
Ladymuck · 30/04/2007 09:06

It's a public site. If you told him your username, or didn't take steps to hide it, then YABU. Sorry!

SSShakeTheChi · 30/04/2007 09:08

Well I find it a bit sneaky, like reading your letters or something but if I put myself in his shoes, I think I would have been very tempted to find out what you'd written about me too TBH

ghosty · 30/04/2007 09:08

I can see why you are angry but it is an open forum and he has every right to read MN hasn't he?
This is one reason why I very rarely post about any arguments or issues I have with DH ...

Original poster
Scootergirl · 30/04/2007 09:08

I didn't tell him my user name and wouldn't think I'd have to take steps to hide it from him.

OP posts:
FundaMental · 30/04/2007 09:08

Definately NOT unreasonable

Not on...

I suggest a name change so he can't read in future.

Has he apologised yet?

Original poster
Scootergirl · 30/04/2007 09:09

No. He doesn't see why he should.

OP posts:
SSShakeTheChi · 30/04/2007 09:09

so he just scrolled down history and found the pages you'd read? I think there is a way you can prevent that but I don't know how you do it. Maybe someone else can tell you how to do that for next time?

dionnelorraine · 30/04/2007 09:12

Did he read anything he shouldnt????

grumpyfrumpy · 30/04/2007 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScummyMummy · 30/04/2007 09:12

um. I would feel uncomfortable and got at in that context I think. It would feel a bit like my partner was raking through old conversations and using them against me. However, this is the world wide web and not a private members club, scooter... People recognising you, people close to you searching for your contributions etc etc is a risk you take on a post by post basis, I reckon. Isn't there advice now that you should never email anything you wouldn't want others to read? I guess the same applies to the web really. I rarely post about rows with my partner on here for that reason!

Original poster
Scootergirl · 30/04/2007 09:15

I didn't say anything controversial, just that he didn't want any more children and I still wasn't sure. I wasn't mean about him or anything.
But I'm mad that he went on and searched through what I'd posted til he found what he was looking for.
It's just feels so wrong of him. And if I didn't mind people knowing it was me saying the things I did, I's use my real name!
Oh well, off down the name auction for me then

OP posts:
kslatts · 30/04/2007 09:18

I think you are being unreasonable, I would want to know what dh was saying about me on a forum.

FundaMental · 30/04/2007 09:26

Yes I would want to know, but wouldn't actually look, surely it would be like reading someone diary if they left it open..

You can, but it doesn't mean it is right...

ScottishMummy · 30/04/2007 09:30

new name new set of posts and keep him guessing your new name

mustrunmore · 30/04/2007 09:31

I'd be livid if dh read my posts. just because its the same as if he listened at the door to a conversation I was having with a friend.

Original poster
Scootergirl · 30/04/2007 09:32

Do you think "DHisagit" would be agood new name - he'd never guess

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 30/04/2007 09:35

Hmm... if your DH told you that he had been discussing an issue regarding you both on a website, would you want to know what he had said?
I think I would.

burstingbug · 30/04/2007 09:35

DH reads mine sometimes, doesn't bother me.
Hi DH

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 30/04/2007 09:41

You are being unreasonable. You have as good as said to your dh ?I?ve been talking about you to a load of strangers on the internet?, and then you expect him not to go and read what you?ve been posting, publically, on a website? You cannot compare it to him listening against a door to a private conversation you?re having with a friend, the discussions on here are not private, this is a public forum and is therefore accessible to all, including your dh. If you don?t want him reading what you?re posting about him then set up a blog and only make it accessible to those you want to have access to it.

Prunerli · 30/04/2007 09:41

If you look at it this way: how do you think he feels having something personal being discussed with a load of random women and then being told they agree with you? I'd be livid in his shoes.
I can understand why you're pissed off and I would be mortified myself but really a) posting personal stuff about him and b) telling him you've done it....I don't blame him tbh.

saralou100 · 30/04/2007 09:47

i had a coversation with my dp about this the other night (he thinks i'm having an affair with someone called mumsnet ) i said to him have you not read my posts.. he said no, would never do that.

it would make me slightly uncomfortable tbh... it may be the www,but isn't that why we have user names, so we don't have to be real people so to speak (hairy truckers that we all are!) and discuss things sometimes we wouldn't in the real world!!

it's not like he did it for a laugh, he deliberately went looking!

Original poster
Scootergirl · 30/04/2007 09:51

That's my point. I am fully aware that it's a public forum and anyone is welcome to join in but it's anonymous for a reason. Again, I didn't say anything particularly controversial but it just seemed really sneaky.
It makes me wonder what else he goes rifling through when I'm out (not that there's anything to hide but it's the idea that he's looking for something to catch me out with).

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 30/04/2007 09:51

i dont say anything on MN that i have have not said to boyfriend

BUT i would have the humph if he went looking for my posts

i could trawl his but they are all about scottish football...YAWN

Rachmumoftwo · 30/04/2007 09:54

It is like eavesdropping when you have your friends round for coffee! It just isn't on.
This said, I wouldn't write anything about him that I couldn't say to his face, as who knows who we all are. I might know some of you without realising!

FiveFingeredFiend · 30/04/2007 09:55

"Catch you out with"

Think about that phrase. There are many layers to it.

  1. Why would someone you love want to 'catch you out?'

  2. You have arguments not discussions and the aim is to WIN rather than to communicate

  3. Why would someone sneak?

  4. Why would someone have enough spite to make you feel bad?

  5. You say you want another child with this person?