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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad that I have no friends or social life.

46 replies

Microwaved111 · 02/02/2018 19:54

So I'm 26...and I honestly couldn't think of anyone to call if I was having a really hard day. Or even just someone to call for a chat and catch up.

Slowly but surely I have lost every single meaningful friendship...what is wrong with me?

I'm currently on mat leave returning to work in a couple of months time. I thought I'd made good friends at work but it became very clear that I hadn't made any friends at all after I left. I am very hurt by this and have vowed not to bother with anyone from work every again.

I'm sad though as I need a freind. As everyone does at some point. And I just don't have anyone. I am incredibly lonley.

Anyone else or is it just me? Sad

OP posts:
HughLauriesStubble · 02/02/2018 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GandTforme · 02/02/2018 20:17

Search for chuMNs on this site and on Facebook. Chin up, you are definitely not alone x

Doctordid · 02/02/2018 20:18

Came to post but GandT beat me to it.
There are loads of us op.

Truthstar · 02/02/2018 20:21

Why do you think we're all on here 😐

liquidrevolution · 02/02/2018 20:25

ditto Truthstar

internet weirdie friends unite!

FudgeyCookie · 02/02/2018 20:46

Same here op. I tried to talk to my mum about it a few times and she said i need go try harder..

Except I have tried and tried. With people from school/old friends/mums at clubs etc. Given up for now Blush

GlitterBurps · 02/02/2018 20:47

Me too OP. I could have written your post, also on mat leave and feeling let down by so called work friends.

cherryontopp · 02/02/2018 20:52

I think when your pregnant you find out wo your friends are, most definitely.

One person from work has kept in touch and my so called best friend, ive seen 3 times since being pregnant.

Other friends have been really good, aaking how I am, if i need anything etc.

Ive met some women from my antenatal class and will be going to mother/baby groups. Would you try that?

ScarlettRuby · 02/02/2018 20:59

Same here OP! Have one close friend who I no longer live near so it’s mainly just me and DP (no children yet). DP manages to have a social life though which makes me feel worse by comparison!

Bringonspring · 02/02/2018 21:05

I hear you! I found the same with work colleagues but it’s more ‘out of sight, out of mind’ but I wouldn’t give up on them.

Mousewatch · 02/02/2018 21:05

I don't have any friends either, I thought I had a couple but I've stopped messaging them so we've lost contact.

FingersCrossedHard · 02/02/2018 21:07

Me too OP. I could have written your post, also on mat leave and feeling let down by so called work friends

Me three. There are even 2 other women on my team on mat leave. Before we finished, we talked of all meeting up - great. Except they both met up without me.

Cavelady67 · 02/02/2018 21:07

Making friends is hard as an adult, and making friends at work is largely an illusion as far as I'm concerned.

Being a new parent can be the loneliest, most isolated time of your life, I think many people experience what you are. I certainly did, although I did go to every damn baby group I would find aswell which helped.

If you want to make friends I think you have to put yourself out there a bit. I made good friends on mat leave I still have now. I made one good friend at work, we don't work together anymore but our friendship has been enduring. I've made a couple of friends at the school gate.

I think you also have to have standards - when I said to myself that having no friends was better than having bad friends, CF friends, users and bitches, I started to find a better quality of friends.

Stormwhale · 02/02/2018 21:07

I have a couple of friends, but not many by a long shot and no one who is there day to day. I see people for coffee etc here and there, but I don't have a regular friendship group. I feel for you op as it sucks. If you are in Essex drop me a pm and I'll be your friend :)

Lloyd45 · 02/02/2018 21:09

I do have a handful of friends and they are lovely. As i get older I am very fuzzy who I trust as a friend, I have been bitten to many times

LucyAutumn · 02/02/2018 21:20

Me too OP! Currently on mat leave and feel very isolated and like all my 'friends' over the years have slowly faded away and am very hurt.
I turned 30 days before my LO arrived and I spent it on the sofa, waiting for my sister to turn up (never did) and received a crappy mug and 2 cards from all my friends. Sad
Trying my best to go to as many baby/ mum groups and activities as possible to keep myself busy but also in the hope that a friendship progresses.

loopylobespat · 02/02/2018 22:23

Your post could have been written by me OP Sad

I thought I’d make friends after having baby, but no.

Original poster
Microwaved111 · 03/02/2018 12:11

I'm very hurt by the so called work Freinds and I feel like because of that I have built up a bit of a wall. I was very close to one of them in particular seeing her out of work over each other's houses ect.

I have two friends who are my oldest Freinds but we don't really live close so don't see each other very often. They are also in very different stage of life to me so we have little in common anymore.

I have tried baby groups and the mush app. Didn't really get too much out of it tbh.

One girl who I worked with was also on mat leave and only just this month returned to work. We kept in contact for a couple of months but it seemed like she was too busy for me or found me boring or something I can't put my finger on it. Anyway haven't seen or heard from her since October.

I think it's something about me that makes having and keeping friends hard. Maybe im just not likeable? No idea. It's hard I feel like I jist need one Freind. I literally have dp dd and the cats to talk to and that's it!! Lol I have to laugh or I will cry

OP posts:
Original poster
Microwaved111 · 03/02/2018 12:17

I actually arranged to meet up with a lady who lives near me with a baby born the same week as mine through the mush app and she stood me up Sad i was left waiting out in the cold and rain with dd for ages and she never replied to my messages.

OP posts:
dingdongdigeridoo · 03/02/2018 12:21

Aww OP I know how you feel. I had a small friendship group before having DS, but over time they’ve just sort of slipped away. Have moved to a new area and finding it impossible to make friends in my mid-30s. Everyone is already in tight knit groups where they went to school together, or have known each other for years. I’m expecting again, but not holding out hope of making friends from mum groups.

There is a group near me called the Ladies Circle which seems to be mostly women in their 20s/30s. I’m thinking of joining once I’m not pregnant and can enjoy social things again. Maybe see if there’s one locally?

Cowandchickentake2 · 03/02/2018 12:22

Where are you from microwave?

usernameunavailable · 03/02/2018 12:24

Are you in north east microwave?

Original poster
Microwaved111 · 03/02/2018 12:25

I'm from the Gloucester area

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 03/02/2018 12:25

If you’ve vowed never to have work friends again you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. They are still your friends just not currently present. Lots of people are a bit ‘out of sight, out of mind’ with work pals or just feel they’d be intruding on your mat leave if they get in touch.

And please persevere with baby group etc. Over time I made some great pals but it was over a longish time. As the babies became toddlers and small children it was a godsend to have a group of mum pals to hang out with at each other’s houses and the park.

It’s a good time of life to make new mates but it takes effort and ultimately only a few stick.

Original poster
Microwaved111 · 03/02/2018 12:30

When I say vowed to not bother with people from work I mean those specifically that have hurt me very much. I know they have employed new people on my team so I will make an effort with them when I start work again.

OP posts: