To want more help with housework?

[jazzyjezzi]

My DP does hardly anything around the house. He makes our daughters porridge in the morning - I think that is literally it. Oh and he cuts the grass in the summer.

He works some long days, some short days. For example today he had one appointment so had most of the day free.

My work is similar - however I am going back to work full time next week.

I am sick of doing everything. He says he has the pressure of having to earn money.

I do all the childcare. All the house work. All the cooking. I contribute to bills as much as I can with the lesser money I earn compared to him. I pay for food shopping mostly for example.

He is the type who even if he gets out of bed after me, he won't make it. He won't take the rubbish to he bin as he is walking out the door. He puts stuff in the sink not the dishwasher. Shoes go by the shoe cupboard not in it. If he is home he won't offer to bath DD he will play on PlayStation instead. He doesn't know how the washing machine or oven even works. I have asked him 5 times if he could put salt in the dishwasher - still not done.

I got to the end of my tether today and told him it needs to change. He just got defensive. I am not asking for much, just open your bloody eyes and help a bit more.

Sometimes I feel like a single parent (not with regards to money)

Am I being unreasonable?

Sorry it's a long moan

*One-sided

OP. You seem to be will fully blind to the dynamics in your relationship. He Is using you dreadfully and you 'Don't mind.'. Please for the love of God, raise your standards. You are absolutely worth more. I know it.

I understand that after 9 years you think think this is a functioning relationship, but it really isn't. He Is taking awful advantage of you.

YOU are worth more than being treated like this. Stop cooking for him. Stop washing his clothes. If you keep on doing it, he doesn’t have to and the resentment will keep growing.

You are not his slave. You do mind otherwise you wouldn’t be here talking about it.

More like slavery my h doesn’t do much either. But he cooks , washes up ,does his own washing as I don’t do it anymore . We’ve got 3 laundry baskets mine and dd’s are empty his is always full. We both work and contribute financially. No joint accounts that’s just not for me. Financial independent

Omfg. You actually want to shackle yourself to this person for the next 50 years!!

You want to live like this forever??!!!!

Laserbird16
As for pulling his weight, tell me when you hit the way to manage this! Er I treat my DH a bit like an underperforming member of staff! I used FlyLady to create a cleaning routine. I tell DH what to, he can see it on the list, I 'praise' him when he does things unbidden, I remind him when things need doing, I also still pick up a lot of slack but slowly we're getting there.

And you are seriously happy with this? You're treating him like a performing seal.

I would have zero attraction or respect or tolerance for a man who wouldn''t do his share and who treated me like a domestic drudge. He's telling you what he is and what he thinks of you, which frankly isn't very much if he does nothing.

For everyone who provides lists and instructions and so on: why should you have to? Housework is obvious. When things are untidy they need to be tidied; when things are dirty they need to be cleaned. So long as lists are provided people won't get in to the habit of looking for what needs to be done, and they'll have the excuse that the list didn't include X so they didn't do it.

Adults should be able to see what needs to be done, and do it. If they can't, there's a problem.

I couldn't agree more OnTheRise. What's next? Stickers and gold stars for 'helping' by doing a task on the list?

Reminds me of the man child I live with. He works self employed too. What's does he want? A round of applause?
I work full time, cook, clean, diy, sort kids, I joke I would make a wonderful husband!
He told me I don't do much.
So. For 3 weeks , I didn't do his washing, didn't cook his meals and was that fucked off with him I rubbed the smelly fish water from a tin of tuna in his work boots.
He no longer complains, but I've told him, do not complain about decisions around the house if your not arsed to contribute yourself.

PlayStation, ridiculous isn't it that the OP is running round like a blue arse fly and he is playing on the PlayStation?

He does help me with money, it's just not a regular thing,

Change this to 'SHE does help me with washing / cooking / parenting, it's just not a regular thing'

Sound any better?