To think..

[cookiesandcreaam]

that if a man who works fulltime 5 days a week 8-6 shouldn’t be expected to help around the house? That applies to the woman aswell if she was the main breadwinner and the man stayed home, I’d expect him to do all the housework and deal with the kids. If they both work they should share the housework, but if only one of them works and the other stays home I wouldn’t expect the one who works to do any housework during the week, but in the weekend when they’re both home I would expect the breadwinner to help out.

What do you guys think?

When I was a SAHP and my ex husband worked full time, I did all the housework during the day and did the evening meal.
He would sort the kids out for bed most nights when he came home and we both mucked in at weekends.
I had plenty of free time during the day, far more than he had even when the kids were babies/ toddlers. Maybe I didn't find enough housework to do I'm probably not over fussed about everything being tidy.
So, no, I wouldn't expect someone who had been out at work all day to be doing anything during the week apart from clearing up after themselves and helping with the kids in the evening so we could both relax when they were in bed.
It wasn't something that was ever an issue.

If the DC are school age and there is one SAHP I do agree with you.

If DC are not at school yet then YABU.

Just me dh and dog at home. I work from home but it’s flexible. I do all of the housework but dh would happily pick up the slack if I was ill or had had a busy work day. I don’t think it’s about division of the chores as such but each persons attitude towards housework. My dh would never be annoyed if he came home and I hadn’t done the hoovering or dusting etc and I wouldn’t have to ask him to do it he’d just do it. You should both be willing to help out in the home. We’re a team.

Dh is a much better cook than me but I cook 5 days out of 7 on average as I’m home. If I didn’t cook he’d happily sort something out but as he does 12 hour shifts I’m happy to cook and he cooks on the weekends.

Unless you are one of the parties concerned it’s not your business how they conduct their marriage.

If you are the husband in the case as discussion with your wife might be more productive than a MN thread.

If I was a stay at home parent and had children at school I would expect to spend most of the time they were at school doing the cleaning and other chores.

If I had children at home with me all day every day I'd expect to not get much cleaning done as I'd be busy looking after the children.

I'd still expect him to do the "man jobs" though (sorry, I'm a sexist). Taking the bins out and mowing the lawn. That kind of thing.

I don't think I'd ever want a man to expect that if he's working full time that he can just come home and do nothing at all.

Thistlebelle, If everyone thought like you there would be no MN!

Falmer . I suspect we could resolve about 30% of MN threads by just making sure the OP actually had a face to face conversation with the person they are annoyed with.

This thread doesn’t give very much information and sounds to me rather like the OP is going to use it as a stick to beat the SAHM with “look what MN says”.

It would be interesting to hear the other side of the story.

He should of course do something when he comes home. Spend some time with his child, cook dinner a few times a week, put a wash on etc.

I stayed a home until my daughter was 15 months old. I now work 43 hour weeks. Staying at home with my child was indeed like a permanent holiday in comparison to working full time and coming home to parent. However, I have separated from my daughter’s father so my “working full time and coming home to parent” situation isn’t the same as your husbands is.

Thistlebelle Yes, but then we couldn't all have a good gossip!

My DH works a 6-day week, averaging about 17 hours a day (including commute) - I don't work - no DC living at home.
I absolutely do not expect him to do housework at all but, I would appreciate him clearing up after himself once in a while......

How would you guys feel if you've been at work all day and you come home, the house is not clean, no dinner despite the kids being at school all day?

Erm, yep, that’s what happens to most people who work.

Ahahahahahahahahahaha.

I’d fucking love it if my kids had been cared for by a parent whilst I was out at work. Instead he’s in childcare, whilst I work and I do all the house work when he’s asleep. Where’s my down time?

Buck your ideas up. There are two of you. Stop being arseholes to each other.

I have 1 day a week off and the kids are at school (my partner has 1 weekdayy a fortnight off). On that day I get washing done, clean the bathroom, run a Hoover round - stuff that's tricky to do when I the kids are under our feet. However. I also sit and have a cup of tea, sometimes meet my mum for lunch and sometimes, when my partner gets home the house looks like a bombsite again because in the few hours after school we manage to create chaos.
Also. Regardless of how much time the poor, hard working husband spends at work I'm not sure that's any excuse for not lifting a finger at home. He lives in the house, eats the food, wears clothes, creates mess, why shouldn't he contribute to sorting that out?

I work anywhere between 40-60 hour weeks. OH works around 40. What happens there ?

I think if there's no kids at home during the day then the SAHP should do the majority of the house keeping. If there's kids at home during the majority of the day then it should all be split. If both parents are at home at the weekend, again it should be split.

Like I tell my husband, at least at work he can take a shit in peace.

God I'd love to be the working parent that got to go home and not be an adult anymore. Maybe SAHP will wipe my arse too.

‘Deal with the kids’. What a lovely phrase. As if only one of you is the parent. You don’t get to opt out because you work.

Children shouldn't be lumped in with the Housework. You don't get to kop out of Parent duties because you've been to work. I say that as the former Breadwinner and hen LP (Widowed).

As said, if you've got an under three or disabled child/other caring responsibilities then you can't necessarily do all of the housework.

I don't understand why the working parent doesn't want to get involved with bath/bed/cuddles etc. It is still winding down.

A couple should be a team and do what needs to be done. for children to be as balanced as possible they need the input of both Parents (unless one needs to work away). An absent Parent who is present is very damaging.

Of course you’re right.
My husband is working crazy hours at the moment. Out of the house from 5am until 10pm mon-fri sat and sun 5-5
They are some crazy hours, as the one at home most, I deal with our daughter, the dog and the home. I’m dealing with everything except his work- though I’m on hand to source things that may be needed etc.
That’s what makes us a team.

YANBU if the children are at school.

I stayed at home for a month and I did everything as my husband works from 7-6 and I get to raise our daughter which isn't work but a gift. I love being a mum and a wife. I now work 30 a week and do most the house work but he helps out at weekends. We both tidy ad we go so doesn't take much

What about those of us who's partners don't have a nice Monday to Friday job?
My husband works long days, sometimes leaving at 7ish in the morning, not getting home until 11pm or later at night.
Don't assume that everyone that works has weekends at home.
I do as much as I can, but it can be lonely being home on my own with a toddler so much. It's not easy. My husband helps on his days off because he likes to.

Sure. If you want to be a complete doormat.

You want kids you pitch in 50/50 when you're at home. And that includes all the extra housework that comes with them.

Its not unreasonable for sahp with kids at school to do a large proportion of housework. It is unreasonable for an adult who chose to have kids and chose to have a sahp, who just happens to be the working partner, to suddenly be absolved of all house and child responsibilities.

You don't get to opt out of housework or childcare or parenting or cooking simply because you work longer hours. If you want to do that, you shouldn't be in a relationship or have DCs.

Everyone in our house chips in. Men, women, children, they all have to contribute. DH works away at times so I do more, but when he's here he gets on with it because I just wouldn't have married anyone who believed they didn't have to pull their weight around the house. That sort of bullshit belongs in 1971.

You'd be amazed at how quickly kids home from school can mess a house up .Also how difficult it is the have your meal ready for you on the table when your children need feeding,homework(project with little warning),generally wanting some parental attention cos they haven't seen you all day,after school clubs/activities and presumably you'd like them ready for bed when you get home.
Also talking to your partner may be an idea you haven't thought of.
When I was at home one of us used to get DD ready for bed and the other cooked then when she went to bed we'd eat together.
The house was clean but not always tidy.