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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just want to bloody sleep without being woken up?!

61 replies

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 02/02/2018 11:30

DP has a habit of waking me up if he wakes in the night. Doesn’t matter what time it is, if he’s awake, he’ll start telling me how much he loves me, how he’s looking forward to marrying me etc... all lovely things BUT I AM ASLEEP. He seems to expect a response too so I can’t even get away with ignoring him.

In isolation this would be fine (ish). But he also has a cold and is snoring like a bloody trooper!! As a result, last night he woke me up being all loving, promptly fell asleep and kept me awake for what felt like hours!

Three nights in a row I have been sleep deprived due to a combination of his affection, snoring and pregnancy related heartburn. WIBU to LTB? 😂

OP posts:

Tinty · 02/02/2018 12:10

I think a well meaning, "thank goodness you keep waking in the night DP, you can do all the night waking with the baby whilst I sleep, as you are up anyway" might help him to reconsider waking you constantly.

Crashbangwhatausername · 02/02/2018 12:14

I would commit murder. A baby waking is completely different - they need you. Why don't you buy your OH a comforter, spray it with your perfume and tell him to snuggle that hen he's feeling needy at night. unless he wants you to be sleep deprived whilst you're growing a human inside you

gluteustothemaximus · 02/02/2018 12:19

Tinty has it!

Just to cheer you up, my toddler is 2. Not one full nights sleep, ever...

FluffyWuffy100 · 02/02/2018 12:21

I would say "no one who loves me would wake me up when I was asleep without good reason. If you do this again I will consider leaving you. Shut the fuck up." Or something along those lines.

^Got it in one

hellsbellsmelons · 02/02/2018 12:23

He seems to expect a response too
Yep - and mine would be 'FUCK OFF YOU DICK, I'M ASLEEP!!'

ReanimatedSGB · 02/02/2018 12:34

Definitely have a firm word. His behaviour is very selfish. You need your sleep, particularly at the moment.

If he carries on, despite being told to stop, then you need to have a serious think about your relationship. It's not reasonable to wake someone else, repeatedly, in the middle of the night, just because you 'want to tell them how much you love them.' It can be an indication of abusive attitudes - that his wishes matter more than yours, and you only exist in relation to him. Some abusers get away with their behaviour for a long time because it's seen as 'romantic' and loving, when it isn't like that at all.
Also, has he always been like this, or has it started up during your pregnancy? Some men become abusive during pregnancy - either they have got the woman 'trapped' by the fact she is having a baby and therefore think they can do what they want, or they are trying to 'train' her to put the man's needs first all the time.

Of course, he might just be a thoughtless soppy bastard. But if that's all it is, a firm explanation of why it's not welcome should make him stop.

sirlee66 · 02/02/2018 12:41

I'm pregnant too and if my DH woke me up for no good sodding reason.... I would unleash my full pregnancy fuelled hormone wrath on him.

Tell him to write it down and tell you in the morning or face your preggers wrath of hell.

Good night

blackteasplease · 02/02/2018 12:41

I would say "no one who loves me would wake me up when I was asleep without good reason. If you do this again I will consider leaving you. Shut the fuck up." Or something along those lines.

^^ This

Also it can be an indicator of abusive attitudes as another pp said.

sexnotgender · 02/02/2018 12:44

I’d absolutely hate this! What an inconsiderate twat.

LeekSoup · 02/02/2018 12:44

Tell him to fuck off!

Mayhemmumma · 02/02/2018 12:45

Earplugs. My DH started whispering sweet nothings other night apparently I only knew because he waved at me.

Idontdowindows · 02/02/2018 12:47

Are you sure he's awake? Has he acknowledged that he remembers it?

Mine sometimes (usually in times of stress) wakes up in the middle of the night and talks about how he's going to fix stuff, but he never remembers the next day, he's sleeptalking.

If he IS awake, he needs a stern talking to! If he isn't, earplugs it is.

Sumo1 · 02/02/2018 13:19

DH does this - I think it is passive aggressive - sort of 'look what a loving husband I am' when in fact it is 'wake up you lazy cow I don't want to be the only one awake' or maybe I have warped thinking!

Queenofthestress · 02/02/2018 13:42

Not gonna lie, I've jabbed some one quite hard in the ribs when I was half asleep because they kept talking to me at night, tell him to pack it in

Original poster

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 02/02/2018 14:32

He definitely isn’t being abusive or passive aggressive. It comes from a place of love, it’s just totally misguided!

OP posts:

Idontdowindows · 02/02/2018 14:38

It comes from a place of love

No, it doesn't. If he is awake, and if he is aware he is doing it, and you have told him in no uncertain terms to let you sleep at night, it is coming from a place of selfishness, total disregard for your health and wellbeing, and control.

HE decides when you get to sleep. That he's using nice words to control when you sleep or are awake, does not change the fact that he completely ignores your wishes and does what makes HIM feel good, not you.

ems137 · 02/02/2018 14:40

I find this such a weird thing to do. I love my husband but neither of us would even think to start wittering on at each other through the night?!

Oldraver · 02/02/2018 14:46

What Idont said. Please please read this though and take it in

ijustwannadance · 02/02/2018 14:46

I don't understand why you haven't murdered spoken to him about it already.

Tell him to stop it asap.

ReanimatedSGB · 02/02/2018 14:52

Nothing which annoys, inconveniences, scares or upsets you 'comes from a place of love'. OK, maybe the first time it happens, it might be well-intentioned, but there is nothing at all 'loving' about repeating behaviour when someone has asked you to stop it.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 02/02/2018 14:56

Next time he does it just externalise your inner fury and tell him in no uncertain terms that if he does it again you will not be marrying him. Apparently I’m very grumpy if I get woken - there’s a good reason for that

Willowwisp23 · 02/02/2018 14:59

My husband does this. Not to declare his love but just asks 'are you ok' every time he wakes up when I'm fast asleep. Fucking annoying! Especially when I virtually single handedly have to deal with toddler and baby in the morning while he 'catches up' with his sleep

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/02/2018 14:59

Gah! How have you not killed him? You will when baby has arrived and you are hallucinating from sleep depravation.

BatFaceGal · 02/02/2018 15:00

I wouldn’t treat this as the joke you seem to be treating it as.

Ok as a one off, fair enough. I have been known to wake my husband when I’m really unwell.

Him waking you to tell you he loves you on a regular basis is not on. He sounds very strange and needy and if you’ve told him not to, then all he’s doing is riding roughshod over your wants and needs.

Just be clear with him. Unless of course you like it and this could be a possibility as you’re laughing it off?

TransferDeadlineDay · 02/02/2018 15:06

My DP woke me up at 02.30am the night because he wanted DTD.
I told him to sort himself out & make sure he was quiet about it

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