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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to leave my place of work like this

27 replies

Gingersnapshard · 02/02/2018 00:23

A bit of back story
I work in a male dominated team, only woman in a team of 19. Most of the guys are great but our general manager is a giant ass. He is such a bully. sometimes its like being in high school all over again, with everybody trying to be on the good side of the queen bitch and me being picked on cos i refuse to kiss ass. He loves to have team meetings in the pub which I don't mind most of the time but pub meetings involve 30 mins of actual work related discussions followed by 2- 3 hours of drinking and people bashing (he is a mean drunk). he is single and usually not in a hurry to go home but some of the guys in the team have spouses and kids like me so naturally we can't always drink and hang with him for hours on end till he decides to go home. whenever the guys decide to go home, he starts making comments like "oh run home to your ball and chain" or "she needs to take you off your leash every once in a while". even though nobody says anything, you can tell they don't like it.

One time he started bashing a colleague from another team talking about how she sleeps around and called her a slut. Needless to say, he is not my favourite person. So while i am polite, i am not exactly friendly towards him. i am guessing that this is the reason he finds all sorts of reason to pick on me.

He rejected my linkedin request. he refused to sign my birthday card. made my life hell when i was pregnant, won't approve my work from home requests on antenatal appointment days, keeps referring to my maternity leave as a holiday. All that i can live with but i have been in this company for 3 years without any promotion. the guy i started at the same level with at the same time has been promoted, since being in that team, i have trained 3 team members (this is a highly technical line of work, so training involves lots of time and effort)one of the people i trained has been promoted so actually outranks me now.

A few weeks ago I got a call from a recruiter that saw my profile on linkedin and asked me if i was interested in a role about 2 steps higher than my current role, i said sure, Honest to God, I did not do any kind of prep cos at the back of my mind i was under-qualified but the interview experience would be beneficial, The interview was very technical, involving 3 interviewers and lasted 1 and a half hours, it was intense. last week i was told i was successful and offered a salary twice my current one.

Here comes the tricky bit, i suffered a bereavement a few weeks ago and have asked for compassionate leave, wibu to hand in my notice before my compassionate leave or hand it in immediately after the leave. i cannot leave it any longer than immediately after i come back from the leave as my start date for the new job is the second week in march. I don't want to burn whats left of a rickety bridge but I have been having epic "I quit" fantasies.

OP posts:
BakedBeans47 · 02/02/2018 00:28

Hand it in before.

WonderLime · 02/02/2018 00:33

Before.

Footiegirl84 · 02/02/2018 00:34

Before 😊

lalalalyra · 02/02/2018 00:35

If there's any chance they'll cancel your leave out of spite then do it when you get back.

Socratease · 02/02/2018 00:40

Do it before. Remain honourable. Even if you think they should probably pay for your leave because arsehole tax, it's probably more valuable to have fewer negative associations in your extended network, even with people you don't like. You never know when you run into people again in the circle of life.

SD1978 · 02/02/2018 00:40

Slightly confused As the bereavement has already occurred, but the bereavement leave is not scheduled for a few weeks? Apart from that, I’d be handing in my notice from whatever point I needed to in order to start the new job, with whatever time frame I wanted or needed to. Pre approved leave is inconsequential to the decision of when to hand in your notice.

thenightsky · 02/02/2018 00:41

Before. Take the leave as it has Been granted. The twatty manager is the one that will look bad if he tries to stop it. Anyway, what's he going to do... sack you?

EggsonHeads · 02/02/2018 00:43

Hand it in before.

Hobbes8 · 02/02/2018 00:44

Hand in your notice as soon as you have a job offer in writing. You don't owe your current employer anything, especially as he's a knob. Congratulations and sorry for your loss.

Rainbunny · 02/02/2018 01:06

Do it before you go on leave and as someone above wrote "remain honorable." Apart from anything else, once you've quit you can't control or rebutt whatever story this manager wants to put about regarding your quitting, I wouldn't give him any extra fuel.

I speak from experience having escaped a highly toxic work environment several years ago. It was a smaller company and the company head himself was known to call other companies where ex-employees had gone on to work, to spread lies about the ex-employee because he really was that awful. I planned my exit very very carefully, made sure not to tell anyone who I couldn't trust where I was going on to work and made sure I didn't give any reasons for people at the company to think I left them in the lurch. I even selectively purged my LinkedIn connections. Back then I was in a segment of the financial industry where everyone knew everyone and personal reputation was everything. I practically went into an amatuer version of "witness protection" to extricate myself from such an awful workplace to remain under the radar for as long as possible! I'm sure you situation is quite bad, at least I hope so!

thecuckoosnest · 02/02/2018 01:29

+1 before and only take the leave if you really need it. If you have any unused vacation, consider taking that instead or just leaving a bit early so you get a break between jobs.

If he's that horrid when you're on his team, he won't be any better afterwards so watch your back.

Original poster
Gingersnapshard · 02/02/2018 08:22

Thanks Everyone. Since he is the king of the moral low ground. I will try to stay on the high ground. He has been known to tell employees not to bother showing up for work once they have handed in their notice, out of spite. But that is his problem. I will hand in my notice once I sign everything for the new job. Thanks

OP posts:
TiredMumToTwo · 02/02/2018 08:26

Good on you & congratulations!

Original poster
Gingersnapshard · 02/02/2018 08:29

Slightly confused As the bereavement has already occurred, but the bereavement leave is not scheduled for a few weeks?

Yes the leave is to attend the funeral, out of the country

OP posts:
Original poster
Gingersnapshard · 02/02/2018 08:30

Thanks

OP posts:
BashStreetKid · 02/02/2018 08:38

Off the point, but do you have exit interviews where you work? You really need to alert someone higher up about what an arsehole this man is - there must be a good chance they wouldn't be losing you but for him.

blueskypink · 02/02/2018 08:39

I think it's a huge shame that you are leaving without tackling this problem head on! Haven't you talked to HR about your manager's behaviour? Will they at least give you an exit interview so you can tell them what he's like? Awful to think he's being allowed to get away with this bullying behaviour.

Pearlsaringer · 02/02/2018 08:58

Will your new employer ask him for a reference?

Eltonjohnssyrup · 02/02/2018 09:02

After. You don't owe him anything and you need the leave. If he threatens you with a bad reference threaten him with a sex discrimination case.

StealthPolarBear · 02/02/2018 09:03

Before but as a pp said is he likely to then try to cancel your leave.
But please do use your exit interview to raise these issues. He should work in mad men! His slut comments are particularly bad.

BakedBeans47 · 02/02/2018 09:12

He has been known to tell employees not to bother showing up for work once they have handed in their notice, out of spite.

Great tell him this would suit you as long as they pay you. What a horrible man.

Original poster
Gingersnapshard · 02/02/2018 09:22

Off the point, but do you have exit interviews where you work?
I am not sure tbh. I know that there have been complaints about him but nothing has ever been done about it.
Besides being a giant ass, he is actually very smart and since he is single and without kids, the job is like his entire life, he gets irritated when people ask for time off/flexi time to tend to family related tasks. But senior management sees him as a superstar cos our team always delivers, i think that is why he acts like he is untouchable.

there must be a good chance they wouldn't be losing you but for him.

100% this, besides his douchery self, it is really a nice place to work. but i have been in one position/level for 3 years and no clear structure for career progression, no response to my constant request for more responsibilities.since he is the one that approves all promotions and pay rises, i am not hopeful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gingersnapshard · 02/02/2018 09:26

Will your new employer ask him for a reference?

Luckily no I think, the new job asked for personal references and Though I filled a form that included current/past managers, I don't think he was contacted.

OP posts:
SlothMama · 02/02/2018 09:56

He sounds like a dick,I'm glad you've gotten a much better job elsewhere! Hand it in before, because if the leave has already been authorised he shouldn't be able to cancel it.

If there's an exit interview then be honest about him!

AvonCallingBarksdale · 02/02/2018 10:27

Always, always have a good exit, no matter how annoying/irritating/horrendous - you never know who you'll meet again, especially if you work in a niche industry.