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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be irritated by DD!!!

76 replies

donners312 · 01/02/2018 21:20

My DD has just said she wants to see her DF so she can get her christmas present of a makeup palette worth £50.

He won't have got it, he won't come and see her and he pays fuck all for her!!

I literally feel like saying i'll give you £50 for makeup and you can go and live with him and see how far you get.

Ungrateful and hurtful little so and so.

I know I A!BU! But feel so worn down and fed up!!

OP posts:

Cracker09jacker · 01/02/2018 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

donners312 · 01/02/2018 22:11

thank you all for you messages i am feeling a bit better now.

i think the thing with MN is you sit at home (single Mum) no one to moan at - moan online get the advise your mates would give you - feel better!!

So thanks everyone. I do feel bad now might try to get thread deleted.

OP posts:

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/02/2018 22:13

Aw. Bless her. Maybe say something like 'don't get your hopes up too much, you now he isn't so reliable sometimes'. Maybe you can encourage her to save up for the palette?

Alternatively, LaRoc do really nice palettes with loads of colours pretty cheaply and I've found the quality really good. 120 colours for a tenner off Amazon.

OhOfCourse · 01/02/2018 22:15

I get exactly how you're feeling hon.

SuperBeagle · 01/02/2018 22:16

It's not your daughter's fault that you slept with a deadbeat.

It has nothing to do with her being "bought".

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 01/02/2018 22:16

It's a bit early to be thinking about xmas surely?

BigBaboonBum · 01/02/2018 22:18

She isn’t being bought. In her head a small visit to her dad is going to get her something cool at the end of it. She isn’t choosing him, she likely doesn’t even want to really see him.
Don’t take it out on her because she wants a gift from a nob end

MissMouseMcPhee · 01/02/2018 22:19

Always much much better to come on here and vent than letting it all get on top of you or spill out with the kids.

CheshireChat · 01/02/2018 22:20

Don't get the thread deleted, you're human and got annoyed, your DD was hoping probably for her dad to get his act together, but sadly that's unlikely to happen.

Also, whilst I wouldn't slag him off or anything, I absolutely would tell them what he's like as I've seen the fallout in the families that haven't.

BlackeyedSusan · 01/02/2018 22:22

ah yes, it is irritating when they think their dad is great and wonderful and they can not see that he is sometimes an idiot. better though thant them thinking he is an idiot and being hurt by it, though I suppose it is only delaying hte inevitable.

dd get him to be more consitstent by complaining and telling him how hurt she felt. at least he responded to her and is not as bad as your ex.

Tistheseason17 · 01/02/2018 22:25

Nowt like a rant/vent to feel better.
Plenty of love on here. It will sort itself out when she's older and realises he has let her down and you never did

InsomniacAnonymous · 01/02/2018 22:26

I HAVE read the entire thread, but I would just ask that you please make your love for your daughter much stronger - and more apparent - than your hatred for her father.

Rachie1973 · 01/02/2018 22:32

PoppiesAreYellow
Er wow you have a dreadful attitude.

No she doesn't. She's just fed up and exasperated of being taken for a mug like lots of us feel at times.

Better OP vents here than at her daughter where it could cause damage.

Vent away OP :)

nixnjj · 01/02/2018 22:49

They do see the real person, perhaps it's easier as I have a boy, all you can is vent here and be there for her when reality hits.

ReanimatedSGB · 01/02/2018 22:50

It's fine to come and have an anonymous rant on here, and your feelings are perfectly natural and understandable. Poor you and poor DD - because she's in for another crashing disappointment.

Kirk1 · 01/02/2018 22:57

I feel for her . (and you) I'm still waiting for my 18th birthday present from "D"F. I'm 42. She'll appreciate you for being there once she comes to terms with the fact that he's not, never has been and never will be there for her. It's a hard realisation, but it comes.

Weezol · 01/02/2018 23:03

It's February and he still hasn't seen his kid to drop off a Christmas present?

Does he have in person any contact at all?

Sounds like a total bellend.

Booboobooboo84 · 01/02/2018 23:07

Vent away OP this is the perfect place for it.

Your daughter has realised all her father is good for- possibly a make up set. She will learn he isn’t even good for that. And it’s a horrible lesson for her to learn but sadly an important one.

And I definitely second texting him if he tries to blame you and saying you must have your wires crossed you can see dd anytime that works for you.

TheLittleThingsLikeVodka · 01/02/2018 23:15

If it helps, my dad was shit and I knew it from a very young age, and I used to take it out on my mum, because I knew our relationship wouldn’t change.
I also used to say things like ‘mum won’t let me’ because it was easier than standing up to him.
I now have a brilliant relationship with my mum, and an okish relationsip with my dad

Italiangreyhound · 01/02/2018 23:20

@donners312 don't feel bad for venting. It's good to get it out there.

Teenagers are bloody hard.

Just be very honest with your dd, make it clear that you are not stopping him seeing her and she could let her dad know that.

Let her know that her dad doesn't even have the money to pay to support her (can you chase him for money?) and so you doubt he will be able to buy her an expensive present. Can you help her earn a little cash to get some new make up. Mine loves make up and would gets loads if I let her!

I think TheLittleThingsLikeVodka has very wise words. "If it helps, my dad was shit and I knew it from a very young age, and I used to take it out on my mum, because I knew our relationship wouldn’t change."

Just be the rock for her that you always are and don't allow your useless ex to steal your joy.

BarryTheKestrel · 01/02/2018 23:21

This all sounds startlingly familiar. I am NC with my 'D'F now due to being able to see through his bullshit from about 15. However my younger half siblings still see him twice a year, he Disney dads for one weekend every 6months. They have told me they know he's a twat but when he left their mum they never got a penny so now they see him, claim what they can from him and leave. They get a few hundred quid out of him a year but they are aware they are manipulating him now for their own gain, rather than having a relationship with him.

Maybe your DD is well aware he's a lazy good for nothing deadbeat, but wants to take what she can get.

It's tough though. I know before I figured it out I was horrible to my mum, who had done everything for me for years with no help from him at all, because he was my absent father and I loved the idea of him. We never had a relationship though, he was never around enough.

Knittedfairies · 01/02/2018 23:25

You vent away OP. Posting here might be equivalent to writing a letter but not posting it. Hope you feel better for it!

HermionesRightHook · 01/02/2018 23:29

Coming into this late - he sounds like a shit. I'm glad you see where the real blame lies but it's hard not to be annoyed when poor DD's rose-tinted glasses are really screwed on.

It's a very hard line to toe to not slag her dad off but to be realistic with her about what sort of parent/provider he's going to be.

laura65988 · 08/02/2018 16:02

Give women a break she doing it on her own and she frustrated as daughter wants the £50 make up and it's left to her to pick up peice when daughter doesn't see him etc yes she should take this out on daughter but she did has no one else made a mistake x

babyccinoo · 08/02/2018 16:07

Let her ask him and let him disappoint her.

Don't get it for her, she will use this as a way to get things. Presumably she already got a present from you.

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