To split will between dc on basis of need, not equally?

[jzjz]

More of wwyd in this situation

Dh and I have had the same will since our 3 dc were children, splitting everything equally between them. They're now all grown up with their own families and very different circumstances, so I'm wondering if splitting equally is the best thing to do.

For context (all names changed)...
We have three adult children

1. Andrew - ultra intelligent & highest earning by far, his wife is also a high earner (both city lawyers). They have two kids - Bethany & Michael -both v. academic & high-achieving - who they've put through private school. Bethany doing law at top uni, Michael doing A-levels and want to do medicine. So I'd imagine they'll both be high earners in the future. If it's relevant, their mother is an only child and has very wealthy parents, so the family will be getting a big inheritance from them.

2. Hannah - not at all academic, didn't go to uni, got married and had a daughter & son quite young. The son (Jake) is in a stable relationship with 2 kids, has a good office job but doesn't earn a huge amount. The daughter (Isabel) is a single parent to 2 small kids whose fathers aren't in the picture, she works a few hours a week (can't do more due to childcare issues), but mostly relies on parents/benefits.

3. Jane went to uni & is a teacher, so earns a reasonable amount. Husband hasn't worked in years due to disability. 2 kids - the older (Lucy) went to uni, though not a top uni, and has just started working in an office in her home town, living at home. The younger (David) has SEN & works in a supermarket.

My question really is, should we leave the will as it is and split it equally, giving 1/3 to each child?

Should we split it equally 9 ways between each child & grandchild? (or include great-granchildren too?)

Or should we allocate it more on basis of need - i.e. not leave anything of financial worth to Andrew's family?

Should we prioritise Isabel, Jake, Lucy, David?

I wouldn’t split equally nor would I include the grandchildren. Either speak to Andrew now or leave a letter of wishes with your will explaining why you have split with will as you have.

Inch, if my parents left everything equally and I then tried to do a deed of variation then I think one of my siblings might be offended, like I was treating him like a charity case or something. But I don’t think he would feel the same if it was my parents’ decision. I do though think if they were minded to do this they should causally drop into a conversation with him (and other sibling) first to gauge reaction.

My mum lost her parents in the past few years. They had made sure to make very significant gifts to her brother as well as to her sister and her children. My mum and me/my sister received nothing "because we had done well for ourselves". Then my aunt helped herself to most of my grand parents possessions and left a great big mess. My mum had to travel several times hundreds of miles to empty the house and clean it so it could be sold. Does that sound fair? I would split equally because you don't know what the future holds for any of them and you love them equally. 200 000 is a life changing amount for many people in the UK even for those who do earn that in a year I am sure.

I think you can help unequally now, pay for things, pay for childcare whatever as you see the need, but I think the will needs to be equally between the three children.

Don't forget things can change quickly. I know it seems unlikely but what if one of Andrew's kids works for a firm which goes bust or ends up in huge debt for professional fees? I know it seems like it could be easily covered already, but it may not turn out that way.

Whatever you do, if it's not equal, for goodness sake make sure they know in advance.

I presume you treated them all equally when they were growing up and gave them all the same opportunities? If so, why would you now punish Andrew for making full use of those opportunities and creating the life he has when the other two when given the same chance to do so? They made different life choices, which is fine, that was up to them but they all made those choices.

It should be equal.

My father faced the problem od children with unequal needs. He talked to us about his decision and as far as I know, everyone was content. What he did was spend money according to our needs while he was alive and then split what was left for inheritance equally.

So, one child got a small downpayment on a mortgage for the small flat they needed, another with a bigger family got a larger one for the house they needed and the other one got course fees and travelling money. The spilt after his death was equal. His rational was that we all got what we needed, and then some more.

This meant he was there to take any flak about inequality (there was none), he saw us get our start, and then we decided what to do with the inheritance.

I think it would work if there is a close relation between you and the children. It didn´t make a difference for us about the relationships between us children, some of which were close and some not.

I'm sorry to have not RTFT

My DH's parents were in your situation and decided to split their assets on the basis of need rather than equity. DH was the "Andrew" of his family and stands to get next to nothing.

His mother (dad died years ago) told him her plans. He is still (7 years later) very bitter about it.

He feels he's being punished (or at least treated unfairly) for doing well and being successful which is, ironically, exactly what his parents wanted for all of their children. This is along with the fact he received no financial help from his mother while his siblings regularly get hand-outs. He has very little to do with his mother now and a lot of that is because of the decision to unequally split the will.

I have 2 siblings.
We have varying amount of DC/DGC.
We have different financial circumstances.
DM died several years ago and her will was,
At the time of her death all of her DGC's then living were to receive 10% of the total after house sale.
The remainder was split equally between the 3 of us.
It worked well, everyone was very grateful and we're all still friends 12 years on.
Good luck with what ever you decide jzjz (great name)

Talk to Andrew, make sure his bunch get a good token of your love, but split on basis of need.

(My mums estate is split ‘equally’ but a quirk means the grandchild she never sees will get more than anyone else, including the daughter who has done everything for her for the past 5 years. Luckily it will all be academic as she won’t have anything much to leave).

We're facing a very similar dilemma. We plan to talk to the kids about it. They've been brought up with a strong sense of justice and we trust the two who are better off to agree to the right thing to benefit the two who need the money more.

Discuss it with Andrew and see what he suggests.

My paternal grandfather left his entire estate to my uncle (with my father's full approval) because he needed it more. It was the right thing to do, and everyone could see that.

I would not split an estate unevenly without the approval of the sibling(s) who get less, but I would be disappointed if they didn't feel it was the right thing to do in this case.

However obviously leave Andrew some items of sentimental value (my grandfather left my father his watch), and maybe £1000 to each grandchild to buy something to remember you by.

You can't penalise success. And you don't want to cause a divide. How about leaving money 4 ways - a quarter to each child and the last quarter split between the grandchildren? Then you've been fair, treated them as equals and there's no bad feeling. could you help some of those who need it now? Gifting below the inheritance tax? You could do March and April so over two financial
Years and then in will still split equally. As they are NC no one will find out but you're showing you recognise their 'struggles'.

Also, if Andrew has had input into the decision to favour his siblings he is likely to feel much more positive about it than if it is presented to him as a decision that has been made. So I would let him know I would not split unevenly against his wishes.

Equally, or speak very honestly with Andrew.

I would be happy for my mother to leave more to my two sisters at the moment because they are in more need of it than I am. My (and their) circumstances may change, but as they are now, it's reasonable. There are items I would want as remembrances, but they would be welcome to the money.

MIL is planning to give the majority of her estate to BIL, because he is most likely to need it. DH isn't bothered about it.

The key thing is that Andrew has to be fully on board with it. If he's bothered, even a little, then it is a bad idea to do anything but an even split. The less well off siblings may resent Andrew getting the same when he doesn't need it, but at least it is even.

I have three brothers and sisters. My sister has sen and will never work. My parents intend to leave everything to her. I might get the jewellery. We all earn good money but not stellar. I have no problem with this plan at all. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Fair doesn't always mean equal. Talk to your son. I am sure he will understand.

When my Grandfather dies his will is going to be given to my mother and 1 sibling despite my Grandfather having 5 children.
The other siblings don't care about anyone but themselves and don't bother with my Grandfather. My mum and other sibling have always made an effort their entire lives and i think thats fair in these circumstances.

Firstly, it's not up to you to try to create an equal outcome for all your grandchildren.

You probably need to consider whether your 3 children had equal opportunity for success given to them by you and if they didn't, there is somewhere where you could choose to redress the balance.

personally, I would leave it split 3 ways equally in the will however if there was a way to help give a bit of a leg up to those who may be struggling from your funds while you are still alive then I would take that.

Just remember, you are not responsible for other people's life choices.

Our family is similar and my parents faced this. They considered a split based on need but finally decided on a three way split between their children. Even if Andrew doesn’t need the money he is just as entitled to his share.

Who knows, Andrew may set up a charitable foundation and Hannah may pay off her credit card and go travelling whilst Jane puts the whole lot on a horse.

Unlikely perhaps but ultimately they will use it how they see fit. The amount of money may mean the poorest use it in ways you wouldn’t be happy with ( this happened to us) whilst the richest may invest it wisely. You cannot control this.

Thing is, you're basing it on their positions NOW. You have no idea what positions they will be in THEN. For all your know, Andrew could lose his job and maybe as a result they lose their home. Or maybe he becomes terminally ill. All sorts of possible options could easily mean in 10 years time, the playing field is totally different.

Split it equally.

I’d spilt equally regardless without question as it’s fair. The DC/GC on lower incomes will still get a substantial sum.

I think you should split it equally between all the grandchildren. They're all still young (ish) and, "high-flying" job or not, nobody can predict what life might throw at them in the future. It's not their fault that their parents had the means to give them a "better" start in terms of education. What if one of the more "high flyer" grandchildren becomes ill in later life, or has DC with severe disabilities, for instance? They are all your grandchildren equally and your will needs to reflect that, I would say.

I agree with Drknittingfrog and Shatnerswig.

Also, you have not factored in that one child or even grandchild might end up in a caring role for you that might mean some loss of income for them.

If this happens I firmly believe it should be recompensated in any will.

Help poorer children now. Andrew need not know.

Split equally in the will

if it's relevant, their mother is an only child and has very wealthy parents, so the family will be getting a big inheritance from them.

The thing is you can never be sure of this

Of course you can't.

OP you don't know how long they will live and what their care in old age is likely to cost. You are also a prime example of why things can never be assumed or taken at face value where inheritance is concerned. Most people would expect you to want to some leave money to Andrew but you are seriously considering giving him absolutely nothing. What if his wife's parents think the same way you do and give all their money all to charity on the basis that she doesn't need it?

Thing is, you're basing it on their positions NOW. You have no idea what positions they will be in THEN. For all your know, Andrew could lose his job and maybe as a result they lose their home. Or maybe he becomes terminally ill. All sorts of possible options could easily mean in 10 years time, the playing field is totally different.

Split it equally.

Absolutely this.