Black tie request for evening reception

[Serendipityme]

Partner and I are invited to an evening wedding reception later this year and the invite clearly states "black tie". My partner has outgrown his dinner suit too many pies so needs to hire/buy another. Plus a shirt, plus new shiny black shoes. Looking at well over £150 before gift, drinks at the bar, travel expenses etc. AIBU to think it's a big ask especially as it's a second marriage and we paid out plenty the first time round!! Only see these people about 2 or 3 times a year. Are we just being grumpy (quite possible) or is it a bit naff to tell people what to wear to a 4 hour evening do and expect them to fork out so substantially.

I would find it unreasonable to spend thst amount of money just to go to an evening do and probably wouldn’t go unless we were close friends.

seems like it would be cheaper and healthier if your partner were to lose the excess weight.

neverever83 thanks for your most helpful reply trying to be smug but sounding like a right arse. I'll pass it onto my partner and then run and hide 😆

I wouldn't spend money on an outfit for an evening do.

It's really cheeky to have a dress code for an evening wedding reception. You'll be putting on your best dress and hiring a suit for a disco and a buffet? I don't think so.

Decline, I would.

For so much expense and effort for an evening only invitation just decline.

What sort of do will it be? Is there a chance by the evening men will have ditched bow ties and jackets so he could blend in in a white shirt open necked & black trousers?

Most unlikely that everyone will be in black tie. It indicates a formal dress code with women in cocktail or evening dresses. Men will wear their evening suits if they have them but a smart lounge suit is fine.

In fact a decent lounge suit is way better than a cheap or ill fitting evening suit.

But no jeans, that is safe to say. .

I also think he will be fine in a suit, it’s always more casual after the speeches.

YANBU OP. Black tie for an evening reception? That couple are, shall we say, extracting the urine. In a big way.

Definitely cheeky of them to ask!
How about hiring one? www.mossbroshire.co.uk/occasion/black-tie?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIquPEqaKD2QIV4ZXtCh0F5wQEEAAYASAAEgKN9PD_BwE

Normal suit. Unless he needs a new suit (due to pies) and thenna normal suit is more wearable than a DJ

How much use is he likely to get from having a dinner jacket? If it's a one off, then just wear a suit...

Buying a black suit in a bigger size is not a bad investment though. Just a 'lounge suit' and stick a bow tie on. That'll be fine, and then the suit will come in for all future funerals, interviews, black tie dinners, and even other weddings.
So, whereas I wouldn't generally pay out £££ on an outfit for someone else's wedding, a black suit is worth having in every man's wardrobe.

Matilda, I agree. He has some fab and very well fitting normal suits that I think would look so much better than a tacky dinner suit. And I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks it's a slight p**s take. So many things we could spend that kind of money on.

My wedding was black tie and some people who didn't have evening suits came in lounge suits. I would rather they there in a lounge suit than not at all.

Have you tried and local/independent/family run suit hire places? We have a local one that does the whole suit plus shoes for 45 quid....and it's not crap lol. They have some pretty good stuff.

You say your partner has outgrown his current suit, so that means he will still need to buy one sooner or later for a wedding/event anyway? Why not purchase one now and then he can wear to formal events in place of the one that no longer fits.

If money is the issue, have a look on eBay. I probably wouldn't trust anything coming from abroad but you may be able to pick up a bargain.

Last resort.....borrow one off a best mate/brother lol.

Last last last resort....if u have enough time till the wedding, get him on the treadmill lol. Might be an incentive to get into shape?

Absolute last destination - don't go. Netflix + Just eat.com + bottle of wine (my fave option lol)
Loads of options there for ya.

Plenty of options there for ya!

Black tie is a perfectly normal request for evening events.

And it has always been acceptable to wear an equivalent (eg national dress) or dark suit if you do not have evening dress.

Backforgood you make a really good point and in fact I've lost count of the number of times he's had a "best" suit that he intended to keep for those exact occasions. Trouble is, he then decides he really likes the suit and ends up wearing it every day to the office and wearing out the trousers sitting on his backside. Back to square 1 we go. He's a fool

I agree it is OTT to demand people must attend a 4 hour event in specific clothing.

But if I were you I would check out the charity shops oxfam online

Surely he has a shirt of some kind? And shoes of some kind? failing which, charity shop again for both.

It's perfectly fine for him to go in a normal suit, especially since it's just the evening.

I get the impression from things that have been said that they've put it on the invites and it's expected that it will be strictly adhered to, which is the thing that's really annoying me. Yes he has other suits, wears one 5 days a week, has loads of shirts but not a formal wing collar one that currently fits. He generally wears brown brogues which just won't cut it with a black dinner suit, would it?? It's a fair few years since he bought his formal suit and middle age spread happened. He's just a different shape, not overweight at all but it's all in different places now than when he was 30!!! . Money isn't an issue but it's the principle and I'm stubborn. Plus we spent a small fortune, happily, for his first wedding. New outfits, hotel for 2 nights, generous gift etc. Where do you draw the line?
Thanks for all your suggestions and input. He is asking a few mates tomorrow but they're all such varying shapes and sizes. Would you be annoyed if you put "black tie" on an invite and it was ignored? Just curious.

Anarchy
I'll tell him your suggestion Might be a winner

A friend of mine did this for her wedding. We were only invited for the evening and my OH almost didn’t come because of it (felt exactly the same as yours). I would have gone anyway as lots of other girlfriends were there (I wouldn’t have minded going alone). However, in the end, he decided to wear a normal lounge suit and a posh plainish tie and it was fine. All the day guests were looking very dishevelled by the time we arrived, many were just in lounge suits anyway and I was SOOOO glad we hadn’t forked out.

I'd just wear a black suit if I were him and he'll never need one again (in which case I'd buy it now). I don't think it's cheeky to ask but I doubt they'd refuse him entry if he looked smart.

However, you seem to think his wedding is less important because it's his second - for that reason only I'd decline.

Rach yes he's getting married again and we're incredibly happy for him. Ultimately that's all that matters. It's just a shame that a dress code could and, by the sounds of other replies, does put some guests in a bit of a predicament. Each to their own