Black tie request for evening reception

[Serendipityme]

Partner and I are invited to an evening wedding reception later this year and the invite clearly states "black tie". My partner has outgrown his dinner suit too many pies so needs to hire/buy another. Plus a shirt, plus new shiny black shoes. Looking at well over £150 before gift, drinks at the bar, travel expenses etc. AIBU to think it's a big ask especially as it's a second marriage and we paid out plenty the first time round!! Only see these people about 2 or 3 times a year. Are we just being grumpy (quite possible) or is it a bit naff to tell people what to wear to a 4 hour evening do and expect them to fork out so substantially.

ronniebarkersauntie going to try and persuade him with the "everyone will be dishevelled pissed by then" approach and see if he takes it!! Glad your OH went in the end. It's the sort of thing you spend weeks worrying about while probably he should just throw on a suit (any suit, he looks dapper in any suit anyway!) eat, drink, be merry and toast the happy couple.

Is it her second too? Sometimes that is why if its the partners first then they often have wishes as well - at the end of the day it is their day. You say he has a suit so it is just shirt and shoes.

It might just be me, but I always think when a wedding invite requests black tie or formal wear, it's simply a polite way of say "please don't wear jeans, trainers, really short dresses or anything else that's very casual/night out on the town". I wouldn't hesitate to put my OH in his tidiest/best fitting dark work suit (probably after getting it dry cleaned) with a nice shirt (ideally requiring cufflinks) and more formal (plain coloured) tie. Alternatively a pair of smart slacks with a nice shirt and decent jacket with bow tie (think Ascot or Henley Regatta). If you are really concerned, then ask the bride if a smart suit would suffice. I'm sure she will be very helpful, and hopefully understanding!

I also think a lounge suit is fine

However I don’t understand the comments about asking guests to wear Black Tie for just an evening being rude - aren’t most Black Tie events just an evening (or equivalent length at different times of day)?

Seems a lot for a tux he’ll wear once. Even the supermarkets sell them now. Look at George or F&F. You should be able to get a cheap white shirt and black shoes too.

I think he’ll be ok in a lounge suit though. It’s just for a couple of hours.

I wouldn’t go, or I’d speak to the couple and say that you were declining as suit hire was so expensive. They can tell you how important it is then.

What exactly ARE ‘slacks’?? I want know?!?

slacks are trousers or pants long things....
dh and i were invited to black tie wedding...late august somewhere smoking hot...dh wore casual and felt totally out of place with the cummerbund crowd. shirt collars so starched the men looked like they could sever a jugular if they turned their heads or nodded.

Of course he felt out of place if he was invited to an event ‘somewhere hot’ and decided to ignore completely the dress code.

Black tie is.. Black tie...

Black tie is.. Black tie...

Sorry for multi-posts 🙄

No real opinion about your main question but please reconsider this bit;

especially as it's a second marriage and we paid out plenty the first time round!!

Finding love after a disastrous marriage or nasty split is wonderful. If you can't see it as wonderful, or you don't believe in the sincerity don't go.

Battleax .....and if they'd both been having affairs? Struggling with the sincerity bit.

We had this for an evening wedding but we went. When we arrived we found out there wasn't even food for evening guests...... so we had forked out for a wedding present, a hotel, new outfits x 2 and drinks all night. I was really not impressed.

Now I refuse all evening only invites.

divadee it's such a shame isn't it.
I get that when it's a couple's special day, they are entitled to call the shots, dictate the ridiculous dress code etc but when they become so engrossed in what they want that they forget to be considerate of their guests it rattles me. People often spend a lot of money, travel long distances, arrange childcare, take time off work etc because they want to share in the marriage celebrations with the happy couple, to then not even be offered a plate of sausage rolls is, in my opinion, just thoughtless.

Looking at well over £150 before gift, drinks at the bar, travel expenses etc.

I would not go to this much trouble & expense as a B-list guest.

What is the venue?

Village Hall - deffo over dressed

The Grosvenor Hotel - black tie needed.

I would can wear normal wedding clothes or wouldn't go.