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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that £20 for a night of babysitting is ridiculous

273 replies

Holly102 · 31/01/2018 20:42

My DD (who is 16) babysat for a local mum, I have known for a few years from my DS’s school.

She asked me, on Monday, if my DD would do her a massive favour and babysit for a couple of hours on the Tuesday as her usual babysitter had cancelled last minute. She offered to pick her up and drop her back as it wouldn’t be late . She told me it would be 7 until 9.

So yesterday evening DD was collected at around 7. I texted her at 9 asking if she was on her way home but she wasn’t so I told her to message the mum. No response.

At quarter to eleven my daughter gets a message apologising but does she mind if she stays until around 11:30. It was a Tuesday night, DD is 16!!!! My DD, being young, felt she couldn’t say no.

This is not the end of the story though, the mum finally arrived home at 12:30!!! Far from the 9 o’clock first agreed. She apologised profusely but the proceeded to pay DD only £20.

Is this completely unfair behaviour. Is £20 what my daughter should expect?

OP posts:
Pinky333777 · 01/02/2018 11:58

I think £20 was reasonable. I get £30 for an evening babysit and I'm a fully qualified OFSTED registered nanny with 18yrs experience.
Swapping times is a massive no, and I'd be talking to this parent about it and not letting my daughter babysit for them again.

HolyShet · 01/02/2018 12:04

£20 for an evening's babysitting is fine if you agree it in advance
Being 3 1/2 hours late is a whole world of not fine at all

minisoksmakehardwork · 01/02/2018 12:04

The real issue is the time keeping, not the payment. What would have happened if your dd was getting a prebooked taxi back?

£5 an hour is a pretty standard rate for up to 2 kids round here and hasn't changed since I was a teen 20+ years ago.

LBOCS2 · 01/02/2018 12:04
  • we pay our teenage babysitter £5/hr (Greater London) and a cab home - it's just up the road but it means she gets home safely. Your DD should really have agreed an hourly rate with her before doing the job.
  • the mum took the piss coming home 3.5hrs later than she said she would. I would have a word with her for that alone.
diddl · 01/02/2018 12:14

I would have thought £20 for the original time for stepping in at the last minute & then another£20 for the lateness.

mommybunny · 01/02/2018 12:16

Although the amount paid your DD is insultingly low, I think OP you need to let the money go - no rate was agreed so what's done is done.

The whole experience is insulting. I agree with those who say this should be a learning experience for DD - always agree a rate upfront and agree an end time, with a bonus for exceeding it. Have your DD find out from friends what expectations in your area are for a reasonable rate - they appear to vary wildly depending on region, so it's difficult for this forum to say what's fair.

I think it's right for your DD to learn to negotiate these things herself, and to assert herself with parents who push the envelope and arrive home later than expected, or try to pay her less than the rate agreed.

For this experience, however, I don't think there is any value in having DD confront the mum over her unreasonableness in arriving home so late and paying her so little. Of course she is never going to babysit for this family again, so she doesn't ever need to worry about being put in that position again by that mum. At the same time, I see no reason why you shouldn't tell the mum that her behaviour in coming home so late is just not on, and for that reason your DD will never help her out again.

One other thing I thought of, which I haven't seen mentioned yet in this thread (and may be slightly off-topic): what were the parents doing out that far beyond their intended return time? What made the evening "run away from them", especially on a school night? Had they been drinking?

AnnPerkins · 01/02/2018 12:32

It's £5/hour here (Home Counties), that's even what one of the local childminders charges.

We use DS's childminder's 15yo DD. And she puts 8yo DS to bed. And her mum comes and collects her.

We tried to pay her more than £5/hour (DH wanted us to be her favourite customers) but her mum asked us not to overpay her.

We would never come back later than we said, though. That's appalling - and the quickest way to lose future babysitting services - word gets around quickly in our village.

TheCowWentMoo · 01/02/2018 12:58

I think thats pretty low tbh considering the mum was 3 1/2 hrs late, and it was passed midnight. I think £20 is reasonable for an evening if you've agreed in advance and turn up at the time you've said but if the parents turned up 3 1/2hrs late I would expect them to essentially tip for the inconvenience. I think £30 minimum for that sort of evening.
I once had a similar but much worse event when I was a teenager, babysat for my mum's friend who had 4 dc, she was going for a murder mystery evening meal.
Expected to be home about 10pm and her dc knew this and the youngest refused to go to sleep until mum was home (she was 4). Except she didn't get home till 3am!

As each hour went by the youngest got more and more upset and more and more of the older children woke up to find mum wasn't home and so there was more crying. The mum didn't answer her phone, the dc thought she had died, they were literally inconsolable. It was horrific, I was only 16 and i really didnt know what to do. In the end I called their grandma at about 1 in the morning. Mum did pay me very well though when she eventually arrived. Never ever babysat for anyone again after that

Twogoround · 01/02/2018 17:37

Rule of hiring
Agree rate
Come home on time especial if 1st time.
If late pay extra no question.
Never piss off a babysitter .
When you have new babysitter treat them like gold dust .

becotide · 01/02/2018 17:40

£20 is plenty. Coming back three and a half hours late is absolutely unacceptable

Spoog1971xx · 01/02/2018 17:43

Jesus it's 10-15 quid an hour where I live.

Gardentour2016 · 01/02/2018 17:44

You have to wonder why the previous babysitter bowed out. She has probably done this (stay out late and not be generous with pay) before. Sound to me like she figured she could get away with paying a “nightly rate” and wanted to make the most of it.

becotide · 01/02/2018 17:45

For a Sitters agency person, yes £15 a hour is fairly normal, for a 16 year old schoolgirl, I'm not paying much more than the standard wage for apprentices, which is £3.50 an hour.

Althoug Ds1 is nearly babysitter age himself now so this is hypothetical

jessebuni · 01/02/2018 17:45

I’m from Hampshire and £5 per hour is pretty standard £4 per hour is a little low. however it is sort of a golden rule that if you aren’t back by the agreed time you pay extra so £20 was a little tight considering the situation. If you come back later than planned you basically tip extra so that the sitter doesn’t say no next time.

Not the same but as an example
If I was paying a sitter for 7-12 I would expect to pay £25 and if I was then half an hour late I would pay at least an extra £5 for the trouble so that they would get at least £30. With HUGE apologies not sorry time flies doesn’t it.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 01/02/2018 17:46

I used to get £10 a night for 1 family (they always brought me a take away back and let me order a movie through sky and their kids were only awake an hour before bed). Another family I used to charge £5 per hour as their children were the devils spawn. Another family it was a flat £20 per night no matter how long - their kids were well behaved.
Personally I think £20 a night is more than reasonable.

kissbeforelippy · 01/02/2018 17:46

Same here Spoog. This is why we don't go out much. Maybe we need to move!

shinysinkredemption · 01/02/2018 17:47

Ridiculous selfish CF behaviour - £5 an hour is OK if agreed in advance but being so late is well out of order. If she asks again just say no, she's busy.

MermaidHead · 01/02/2018 17:48

She should have got at least thirty quid. 7am till 1am =6hrs@£5 =£30 ..This woman is clearly a chancer..your daughter should let all her friends know in case she tries this with someone else.

Boatsonthewater · 01/02/2018 17:50

After 12 it should be double , and the fact that she has turned up that late is very rude and inconsiderate. I think at least £25 given the circumstances.

Picoloangel · 01/02/2018 17:54

We pay our teenage babysitter £5ph and so would have expected to pay £25 -30 for this. Our DD is 7 and I wouldn’t leave her with a teenage babysitter until 12-30. The mother massively took advantage and as others have suggested I would speak to the mother myself. She placed your DD in a v difficult position. Good luck Flowers

doubleshotespresso · 01/02/2018 17:59

I think that £20 for those hours represents a serious underpayment. As for the rates quoted above, a dogwalker local to us charges £10 an hour and I have friends that pay more than that for their cleaner.

I do not see that the fact the OP's daughter is a teen negates the fact that this cheeky womans kids were left in her care and would I am sure have jumped into gear in case of sickness or an emergency. That is the primary purpose of a babysitter surely? To act in the absence of the parent? If they end up watching tv I would view it as a pleasant bonus.

OP YANBU-I would feel very let down by this woman and not be letting DD babysit for her ever again.

Notasunnybunny · 01/02/2018 18:01

I’m also south east, our local girl charges £5 /hour, we arrange for her to be dropped home. I always supply a good stash of snacks, chocolate etc

BewareOfDragons · 01/02/2018 18:03

We always paid ours £10 an hour. And we were back when we said we would be. Helped make him happy to prioritize us over others, as he was quite a popular babysitter.

Sadly, he's no longer babysitting... off to university.

Notasunnybunny · 01/02/2018 18:04

The time thing wasn’t on a week night, if dd is unhappy simply don’t take anymore bookings. £5 cash in hand is not mean in my opinion. To be honest I’d be happy with a bit of light childcare and watching tv for that! The kids who work in the local pub pot wash only get £4.80

LisaSch · 01/02/2018 18:04

7pm til 12.30am is 5.5 hours so even if it was an hourly rate of £5 which most think is about right, she should have got £27.50 So it was mean even if she hadn't been late and after midnight on a school night. Personally i think she was in the wrong. I also live in the south east and i pay my 16 yr old babysitter up to £10 per hour but i don't calculate it carefully. For instance if she did 2 hrs 20 mins i'd give her £20 but if it was close to 3 hours she'd get £25, over 3, £30 etc.