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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be annoyed with mother....

80 replies

Mummymulb16 · 31/01/2018 09:38

Who said she would look after my lil one and then when the day comes she says no because he is sick! Also she is staying with me so not like I’m asking her to give up her time! Also she has been staying on and off for a few months and I have been doing everything for her to feel welcome and the one time I ask her a favour she makes me feel like I’m putting other before my lil one and she never offers to have him on his own unless I’m doing the school run! I’m just annoyed as I do so much for her and she just acts so weird when I ask her to look after the kids almost like she doesn’t want to but never says the words NO!

OP posts:

ShutUpBaz · 31/01/2018 10:52

I don't blame her for not wanting to look after and clear up after a vomiting child. Look after them yourself.

Maybe you should both be clearer in your communication? Just because she is staying with you at the moment doesn't mean she must bend to your will? Maybe suggest she goes home? Although it sounds a bit like she is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

MovinOn · 31/01/2018 10:57

If its sick then I would stay home with your lo, Its not your mums job to clean up sick...It is, however, your job as his mum.

If i was holding a baby and it was sick...yes I would clean up the baby and the sick, I however would not want to be left in charge and expected to clean it up all day.

Its a work thing....so you do need to rearrange. Call your manager and speak to them, explain your lo is sick and needs you. You need to not be snappy or grumpy at your mum as you will probably need her to watch lo at the re-arranged time. Speak to her, ask when is convenient for her to watch lo so you can go into work to speak to your manager. Try and keep her on side.

Oh and try not to be too snappy at other posters on here....it will just rile them up and make them turn on your more. Ignore them and they will get bored.

ButterflyOnTheWindow · 31/01/2018 11:02

My mother would watch my children for me while I had a shower or a nap or cooked a meal. Basically while I was in the house with her.
She would never have agreed to be left alone with them. Don't ask me why. I suspect she felt it was too much of a responsibility.
If the child was sick that responsibility would have been even greater.
Perhaps she's perfectly capable of cleaning up sick and comforting the child but doesn't want to be left to cope alone.
Who holds the baby while she goes to the toilet or makes a cup of tea or cooks?

We don't know what goes on in the minds of others.
I think YABU

YourVagesty · 31/01/2018 11:03

Little. The word is little.

Getoutofthatgarden · 31/01/2018 11:06

It's rather shocking to me that people on here are saying your mother ''doesn't have to help you''. Well no she doesn't 'have' to but surely families help each other out and give support to each other, make each others lives easier when they can?

OP has already said this isn't so she can go swanning round the shops or sit on her arse, it's to go and see her manager at work.

Original poster

Mummymulb16 · 31/01/2018 11:08

@falmer I doubt it this is not the first time! A few weeks back she said oh I was going to come and visit you and I said oh ok but we are going somewhere at the weekend but if she wanted she could still come and she can look after kids that would be helpful rather than me taking them with me . She said oh ok no you guys go and I will come the week after ! So again she ignores the request but is happy to just come and stay and as and when she wants for however long she wants!

OP posts:

Iloveanimals · 31/01/2018 11:18

Looking after an ill child can be scary. If you are not there and your son suddenly gets really really ill, then that's a lot of responsibility on your mother. Sometimes their fevers get really high etc. She might not want to be put in that position. I know I wouldn't. A slight cold is very different to a child chucking up.

Falmer · 31/01/2018 11:24

I know, let's all pearl clutch, inhale smelling salts, take the piss over one word, rather than try to support/advise OP!

Blackteadrinker77 · 31/01/2018 11:26

That is a different scenario. She hadn't said she would then so I think that is fine.
You can't make a Grandparent baby sit.
It would be nice if they want to help out but it isn't a fore gone conclusion. Some Grandparents feel like they raised their kids and don't want to raise their Grandkids.

Not me, I love having mine. I can just sit looking at her for hours.

WonderLime · 31/01/2018 11:29

A few weeks back she said oh I was going to come and visit you and I said oh ok but we are going somewhere at the weekend but if she wanted she could still come and she can look after kids that would be helpful rather than me taking them with me . She said oh ok no you guys go and I will come the week after !

So she was planning on visiting you, but you decided, 'hey, why not come and babysit and I'll go out instead.

I was originally going to say that maybe you had a point, but honestly you sound very entitled (a word I'm not fond of using but feels very fitting here).

Only1scoop · 31/01/2018 11:29

Agree
Wonder

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 31/01/2018 11:30

OP...."Am I being unreasonable?"

Everyone else...YES!

OP.....NO! I'm not!

Falmer · 31/01/2018 11:31

In that case OP, she obviously likes looking after them only when you're there. Maybe you should talk with her and ask why she's worried about being on her own with dc. Explain that you're not expecting her to be perfect, just hold the fort whilst you attend your meeting.

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 31/01/2018 11:32

Tell her the Dr says the sickness will last a fortnight so she should go home... Hindrance springs to mind.

sixteenapples · 31/01/2018 11:37

My child, the word is child.
Your mother is not being unreasonable.
If she stays with you because she needs to is different from her staying with you, (regardless of whether you feed her or not!) because you need help with your children.

lurkingnotlurking · 31/01/2018 11:40

Just tell her you don't want her staying with you. Clearly you resent her being there.

HollyBayTree · 31/01/2018 11:43

Could you use quotation marks? I can't make head nor tail of he said she said I said

HollyBayTree · 31/01/2018 11:45

Also she hasn’t said to me oh what other day would you rather go to see your manager at work now that he is not as bad ! Basically she hasn’t mentioned it at all and it’s been 2 days! It’s like she’s hoping I will forget about it!

I cant even begin to wade through this bit.

Your manager isn't as bad as what? And why hasnt she said it? What are you forgetting about?

Falmer · 31/01/2018 11:45

Here we go again, bit more self righteousness from the local priest this time, "my child"

newyearsameme80 · 31/01/2018 11:46

Get her to go back home. Is this a newborn?

DistanceCall · 31/01/2018 11:48

Your mother is ILL. What part of that don't you understand?

And your "lil one" (vom) is your child. YOUR CHILD.

Original poster

Mummymulb16 · 31/01/2018 11:49

Oh whatever this isn’t an English class !try reading the post slowlybit you are so dumb!

Thanks for your advise @ falmer ! Yes I think she only likes looking after them when I am around! Why I don’t know as she brought up 5 kids so what is there to be scared off!

OP posts:

Blackteadrinker77 · 31/01/2018 11:51

@Falmer You could be right, there might be a bit of fear there.

Can you ask your Mum why she doesn't want to baby sit? If it's just her choice then fine but maybe the PP is right and she is scared of doing some thing to upset you or worrying about them having a fall or taking ill or something.

newyearsameme80 · 31/01/2018 11:51

Being middle class and university educated are now prerequisites to receiving advice on here.

Falmer · 31/01/2018 11:52

Ignore them, OP. As my old grandad used to say "more to be pitied than blamed"

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