to retrain as a teacher, when I don't want to teach? If IABU, what else could I do?

[BuddyToBhaskar]

Because my only other career options, it seems, are in admin or care work - or possibly in "taking in ironing" (whatever the that means). I have a PhD in the social sciences-humanities interface, oodles of work experience and a neat handful of publications, but I cannotcannotcannot get a postdoc. I'm also the other side of 40 with numerous kiddies and am tied to an economically crappy area of the country by family. I need a professional or a skill which will tide me through to retirement.

Is teaching really that bad? What other options might I have?

Honestly? I say go for it. Apply for a school-based salaried training route into teaching, though, and save yourself the PCGE fees unless you’re a shortage subject eligible for a bursary. Teach First takes itself very seriously but is the best salaried route IMHO (source: my own experience doing TF, compared with friends who did PGCEs / Schools Direct who are now no longer teaching).

As some other posters have said, I think a healthy level of cynicism going into teaching helps hugely and will probably ensure you’re much happier and less stressed (and therefore are teaching more effectively and safely) than those teachers who take on the competitive ‘these children are my LIFE! I had one hour of sleep last night because I was up so late marking!’ attitude. Essentially, it’s a fun, interesting job. Think of it like that and save your mental health and sense of self.

If you do a salaried route, you have nothing to lose if you decide it’s not for you after a year or two. You will always be able to get a job. And (whisper it) the holidays are absolutely peachy.