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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my OH doesn't want to make up a foursome with another couple

29 replies

veranibs · 30/01/2018 23:20

I'm fed up with my OH because, every time I suggest that we get together with a certain couple (a close friend of mine and her husband) he makes a real song and dance about it, because he doesn't want to socialise with the husband. He'll agree if I put him under enough pressure, and we have a good time, but I'm getting fed up - I feel he's being selfish.
So, what do you all do in this situation (I can't be the only person that this happens to?). AIBU to feel resentful?

OP posts:
PaperdollCartoon · 30/01/2018 23:22

Why doesn’t he like the husband ?

bridgetreilly · 30/01/2018 23:23

Spend time with your friend without your husbands there.

Original poster
veranibs · 30/01/2018 23:23

he finds him odd (which he is)

OP posts:
dun1urkin · 30/01/2018 23:23

Go without him.

Greensleeves · 30/01/2018 23:24

Why should he, if he doesn't like the bloke? I wouldn't want to spend all evening talking to some awful woman just because my dh was friends with her dh. Just see your friend on your own!

PlaymobilPirate · 30/01/2018 23:24

You can't force him to be friends with someone - just see your friend on your own. Your dh doesn't want a couples relationship with them

coconuttella · 30/01/2018 23:24

Maybe a foursome’s going too far... Perhaps start off with a threesome and see how that goes.

MrsMaxwell · 30/01/2018 23:25

I was thinking this was about sex.

PancakeInMaBelly · 30/01/2018 23:25

Eugh I hate when friends try to force our respective partners together, yuck
He INBU
It's cringe, if you're friends with the couple and he's not go out the three of you

dun1urkin · 30/01/2018 23:26

And as for: “He'll agree if I put him under enough pressure” Shock
Think about what you’ve said there.

bluecashmere · 30/01/2018 23:26

Sorry OP. I totally misinterpreted the title of your thread.

Kittenshoes · 30/01/2018 23:26

YABU. I refuse to "double date" with a friend of my DP's because I find his DW really overbearing. My free time is important and I don't want to waste it with people whose company I don't enjoy. He meets his friend alone and he understands me not wanting to go, just as I'd understand if it was the other way round.

IMO, these things should be natural. You meet up because you ALL get on.

Original poster
veranibs · 30/01/2018 23:27

thank you all. That's given me some perspective. Isn't MN great!

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 30/01/2018 23:27

Why does your friend have to go out with her husband every time?
I hate shit like this. It's your friend, not your DH's.

Merryoldgoat · 30/01/2018 23:27

I've been here. I see my friend alone and don't make my husband see a bloke neither of us like. I don't think it's fair tbh. We have exceptions for 'big' parties, weddings and funerals.

scrabbler3 · 30/01/2018 23:28

Don't put him "under pressure". See your friends on your own. You and your husband are not conjoined.

OliviaStabler · 30/01/2018 23:29

Them why force him? He clearly doesn't like the other guy.

I don't want to spend time with people I don't like either.

ConfusedMumHere · 30/01/2018 23:30

I thought this was going to be about something else entirely! Blush

BackforGood · 30/01/2018 23:34

Another who doesn't understand why you would try to make him spend time with someone he doesn't get on with, or even like - and indeed you have said yourself that he is odd Confused

Why don't you just go out with your mate ?

Original poster
veranibs · 30/01/2018 23:35

sorry - I should have phrased it differently. Unfortunately the picture is now in my head (not pretty)

OP posts:
HermionesRightHook · 30/01/2018 23:35

It can get a bit socially awkward when he won't ever meet up as a four, but if it's every time and frequent I'd get a bit irritated if I didn't like one of them. Maybe dial it right back and compromise on once a quarter or once a year or something?

Unless the guy's like a mad racist or something.

maras2 · 30/01/2018 23:38

One reason why our marriage has lasted 43 years is because I was never expected to do 4 some socialising with his friends/colleagues and didn't expect him to do the same with mine.
Nothing antisocial about either of us but we've always had friends and joint friends. Sometimes the two overlapped but no one sulked if either of us didn't want to repeat the experience.
Life really is too short.

PrincessScarlett · 30/01/2018 23:39

My DH is like this and won't socialise with other couples that are friends of mine. I go without him and it's fine but I sometimes feel sad/disappointed that I'm the only one there on my own.

Loonoonow · 30/01/2018 23:45

He sounds quite reasonable to me. MY DH doesn't want to spend too much time with some of my mates let alone their odd/difficult partners. So I see those friends on our own. Equally I don't expect to have to socialise with women I don't especially like because their DH and my DH are friends. I would be cross if DH tried to push me into it.

Of course there are some instances where we are jointly friends with both halves of a couple and will socialise as a 4/6/8 etc. And there are larger events (like a big birthday party coming up this weekend) where we have to exchange small talk and pleasantries with the odd/difficult spouses and thank god it doesn't happen too often.

Pearlsaringer · 30/01/2018 23:45

I’m with your OH on this one. Why make up a foursome when only two of you are friends? Enjoy the friendship for what it is and leave your OHs out of the equation.