To message a colleague

[NameChangedAndForgotOldName]

I worked with him today, we had a discussion about something to do with our industry,when I got home I looked into it a bit more, found something interesting and sent him a message on Facebook about my findings.

Apparently his girlfriend isn't happy about me messaging her boyfriend 😕

His girlfriend needs to get a grip.

Were you already FB friends?
I don't want work people Facebook me of an evening it would like me off.

Ffs. If it's as platonic as a business relationship then you've done nothing wrong.

His girlfriend is either paranoid or has reasons for being suspicious of her boyfriend. Leave her to it!

PISS me off..

Yeah been Fb friends for ages, it was just something we were both interested in, nothing odd and to do with the work we do which is also our hobby

You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s her with the problem, not you

She is being unreasonable.

Did he tell you that his girlfriend wasn't happy about it? Because that's a bit odd too.

She must have really kicked off for him to tell you she isn't happy. Poor guy. I don't think you did anything untoward but at you know that you aren't allowed to talk to him out of work now(!). Some people are so weird, don't feel bad OP but leave it here I think, don't apologise, just say something like "ok, no worries, we can discuss work matters at work".

I know his girlfriend through work, she use our facilities but I'm not friends with her, we've spoken a couple of times

Did he message you to tell you she doesn't like you messaging? Cause that would make no sense

You've done nothing wrong. She sounds really hard work.

Has she expressed any unhappiness about your relationship before or is this completely out of the blue?

Not that I know of.
We haven't worked together long and it's only once a week we are both in the same place, never alone tho always in a public place.

She's weird but he's weirder for telling you!

And you know this how? Cos if he told you he’s a drama llama who wants you to be part of a ‘scene’. In which case, ignore, delete, block. If she contacted you, there’s stuff going on with them beyond you, in which case, ignore, delete, block.

I'll probably see her at work tomorrow. I'm wondering if it was a choice of him telling me or her telling me at work tomorrow which would make him look unprofessional

I would have probably emailed it from my work address to his work address as it was a work thing, but like one of the PPs I like to keep work and home separate - I have work friends on FB but we'd not do work related comms that way.

But that's a minor point compared to his gf's reaction being ott - but if you've not worked together long perhaps there's backstory here? Maybe he's got previous with women at work and this is a final straw.

Also, some people do like the faux-drama of setting women off against each other; is he stirring?

I didn't think he was the type but you never know.
I'm a friendly person, it's part of my job and his, but I've never shown any interest in him because I'm not interested in him although he's very good at his job and I respect him for that

Our job is also our hobby so it's a bit of a weird one

Either way I don't think you've done anything wrong - it's either on the gf or on him.

She must be insecure.

How does she even know about the message in the first place? I don't have a clue who my DP messages and who messages him.

I would have just spoken to him or emailed him at work tomorrow - no need to message while he is at home.

I can’t imagine why he’d tell you unless he didn’t like being contacted out of hours and it was a way of putting you back in a work only box.

So the colleague told you that his GF wasn't happy about you messaging him?

If you're not close friends, just leave it, forget about it etc. as suggested upthread.

Who knows? The GF may have some issues of her own or between the two of them that you know nothing about. I wouldn't judge, just respect the boundary.