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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask what you think of the dad who value breastfeeding this much?

76 replies

PaiMeisWhiteEyebrows · 30/01/2018 19:28

I was wondering whether I'm right in thinking that, in general, Mumsnet is a pro-breastfeeding parenting website? That is, whilst recognizing that across the spectrum of our members there will be those who struggle to breastfeed as well as those who choose not to, and we remain sympathetic to the former whilst respecting the choices of the latter, the general principle of the benefits of breastfeeding is something we value? With the ongoing discussions about biological realities and safe spaces, I'm having a hard time getting my head around this journey: www.milkjunkies.net/p/my-story.html If a feminist identifies as Spartacus and a mother identifies as pro-breastfeeding, how can we put this story into that context?

OP posts:
TeasndToast · 30/01/2018 20:31

I’m getting he / she mixed up now. Hmm That should read if ‘she’ goes into a men’s space.

Flatpackjackie · 30/01/2018 20:33

From this, Trevor seems incredibly confused.

Wants to become male, but keeps vagina, becomes pregnant and accesses events directed at women.

Wants breasts removed; then tries to emulate breasts with a lot of help from other people.

Trevor is a straight woman with a severe mental health problem, who has attracted a gay man.

TheRollingCrone · 30/01/2018 20:34

I'm sure Trevor isn't bothered what I think, but I'm happy for Trevor to use whatever pronouns he wants.
But let's not beat around the bush here - we were all nurtured in a womb.

We all know what a woman is.

PeppersTheCat · 30/01/2018 20:35

If a feminist identifies as Spartacus

I am dying Grin Grin Grin Grin

Mycatisahacker · 30/01/2018 20:36

So do you want mumsnet to criticise this woman?

Not really getting this.

No men who identify as a woman without the surgery and then want to access women only places then no fuck off.

Men who have surgery and get pregnant! Is that possible? Then yes they should have access.

No men who had had the surgery should be able to complete in women’s sport as it’s unfair.

Regards breastfeeding mumsnet generally isn’t pro or anti bf it’s pro what the mum wants to do and it’s no one else’s fucking business

crunchymint · 30/01/2018 20:37

My only concern is whether the hormones could affect the baby.

Original poster
PaiMeisWhiteEyebrows · 30/01/2018 20:37

Woah Flat. That seems a bit harsh?

OP posts:
Original poster
PaiMeisWhiteEyebrows · 30/01/2018 20:39

Pepper why are you dying? You poor thing - you sure you're on the right thread? Sad

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 30/01/2018 20:39

Someone who has a uterus has periods and gets pregnant then breastfeeds is a woman.

Original poster
PaiMeisWhiteEyebrows · 30/01/2018 20:41

Anyway I have to "git" now, as my American wife says. Poor Pepper...get well soon sweetheart!

OP posts:
Yvest · 30/01/2018 20:43

If you get pregnant and carry a baby you’re a woman therefore no issue. What I can’t get my head around is someone who is so repulsed by their female body and feels so strongly they’re a man yet still wants to go through a pregnancy and breast feed which is so fundamentally a female function. Surely if you want so desperately to be a man then the option to carry a baby and Breast feed them should feel fundamentally wrong

PeppersTheCat · 30/01/2018 20:43

OP - last sentence of your thread opener.

Flatpackjackie · 30/01/2018 20:45

Pepper, I don't think you understand the sentence about feminism and Spartacus.

Pai, I don't think I'm being harsh at all. I only wish Trevor had been given access to long-term psychiatric treatment, rather than testosterone and mastectomies.

Flatpackjackie · 30/01/2018 20:46

Of all the names in the world, why chose Trevor for yourself?

MagnaWiles · 30/01/2018 20:47
  1. No, overall I don't think that Mumsnet is pro-breastfeeding. Some members are of course.
  1. I have no idea what you are asking. I have literally read it twice and still don't get it.
  1. Good on Trevor.
OracleOfDelphinium · 30/01/2018 20:48

OP, you what?

AveAtqueVale · 30/01/2018 20:48

I think he’s done his best to feed his child the way he feels is best, and should be applauded for that. Establishing breastfeeding can be a nightmare even when you’ve still got all the right bits, so he’s done really well in that regard. BUT I also think it would have been less of a palaver for all involved if he hadn’t had most of his (presumably healthy) breast tissue removed in the first place, and that it’s a shame that that impacted on his feeding relationship and that they had to use donor milk, which could have otherwise gone to help other babies.

I am very pro-breastfeeding, and very pro people being able to live as they like and do what they want as long as it doesn’t impact on others. But quite aside from the usual trans debates on here which I’m a bit on the fence about, I’m quite uncomfortable with the idea of people having operations to remove healthy body parts. Maybe as an absolute last resort if all attempts to reconcile a person to their body have failed, but I don’t know Confused. It’s fairly close to home as my SIL recently had this op, and as she and my sister want to have children soon I wondered how that would impact on them if they wanted to breastfeed. From what my dsis has said though I don’t think either of them would want to be pregnant or breastfeed as they consider themselves to be ‘gender-neutral’ (not transmen, but I guess not women either?) and those things are too female. I agree with DH of poster upthread though who said someone pregnant and then breastfeeding is not living as a man.

Also thinking about it I think most men could initiate a breastfeeding relationship - with a galactogogue and a supplementary nursing system as described in the article they could have the bonding experience and probably produce some milk. Would probably be considered not worth the hassle though. I shall ask DH what he thinks if we ever have a third child and I can locate some black market domperidone...

stitchglitched · 30/01/2018 20:50

Trevor is a woman. If I met Trevor I would use preferred pronouns to be polite but that doesn't alter the fact that Trevor is a woman who has given birth and breastfed just like millions of other women.

I also think it indicates a mental health issue to cut off healthy breasts and then want to breastfeed.

Louiselouie0890 · 30/01/2018 20:55

I really don't get the point of this thread. What's the problem???

MagnaWiles · 30/01/2018 20:58

I'm Spartacus!!!

TeasndToast · 30/01/2018 21:10

.FlatPackJackie. has, in my view, made the most relevant and insightful post on this entire thread.

You are so right, what the fuck is that about? Grin

TeasndToast · 30/01/2018 21:11

I mean the Trevor comment at 20.46 btw

YetAnotherSpartacus · 30/01/2018 21:13

What Flatpackjackie said.

TeasndToast · 30/01/2018 21:20

I once decided against a date because the man was called Nigel. I could never see myself fancying him. Trevor would have the same effect.

whirlygirly · 30/01/2018 22:25

God, to think I worry my dcs are confused because of me divorcing their father. Trevor has some explaining to do to his child.

Entirely agree with flatpackjackie on all counts.