Does poverty leave a legacy?

[FucksBizz]

I grew up piss poor. Recently things have been very tight as my DM has been ill and DH's income is unpredictable. January has been a loooong month and we've been limping along to pay day, and I've really noticed myself doing things that I assume must be learned behaviour from my childhood. Reusing tea bags, shopping at the time the local supermarket knock prices down, eating packet noodles, reusing bath water etc. I don't do this all the time. Only when anxious about money.

Anyone else?

I think they're sensible economies. (Although we only have showers.)

I’m amazed at what other people seem to think they “need” and will carry on doing even while pleading poverty.
i do most of the above (I don’t drink tea) at all times and I consider them as being careful with money rather than limping along.

Oh. I just realised I’m probably “anxious about money” all the time.

The legacy of growing up in poverty for me has been a healthy case of imposter syndrome, an inability to manage money effectively (I get anxious if I have spare cash and tend to spend it or give it away just to get rid of it), continuing corrective dental work (scurvy), and never joining in with discussions about my childhood (or lying about it).

Buying reduced-priced food and skipping meals are still second nature to me, so I take your point about hanging onto learned behaviour from childhood, and I do them all the time. They definitely not as intrusive as the stuff I mentioned in the first paragraph though.

Discussions about childhood, that should read. I mean, I don't join in when people start talking about childhood in general.

Yes it leaves a mark, both positive and negative. I suppose I’m grateful for a lot of things that other people aren’t and can see the other side of things. I hope that makes me a more decent person in some ways.

I do get very anxious about money. I don’t think that will ever leave.

I have learned behaviours. I buy myself cheap or reduced clothes and don't like to have a lot of stuff. When buying an expensive item I think about resale value and how long it should last. I don't like spending money on myself and am a natural saver. My children will never go hungry or not have well fitting shoes and clothes.

I tend to hoard food and household products "just in case" and replace everything asap, there's no need as I live 5 minutes walk from 3 different supermarkets. I know I'm doing it but can't seem to stop.

In my experience yes it does. But on top of being poor throughout my childhood I also had to leave home at 16 (because I got a job ) and was poor for another 8 years or so, before moving abroad and being better off. We still aren't rich but if the savings account dips below 6 months savings I get worried. I don't buy fuel unless my car is touching the red. I don't waste anything food wise. Even stalks and skins are used where possible. I still eat a soup which consists of garlic, potato skins, carrot peels and brocolli stalks (it's all blended and tastes fine).

When I'm at the checkout I'm paranoid my card will decline. It's been years since it has but it still worries me. I have the memory of leaving tescos fighting back tears because an unexpected bill had emptied my account and I was made to feel like shit by the check out lady she said something like "why would you go out shopping if your bank account is empty?" Then gave me a raised eyebrow when I was trying to scrounge up the money out of my purse, I was shaking as everybody behind me was tutting and huffing. I just ran out the shame has never left me.

Another time I got on the train for work. The station was unmanned but the conductor would go up and down the train with a card/cash machine. Believe it or not I had the money in my account (I checked after) but my card declined on the first and only attempt. I offered to try again but then I was threatened with a fine and thrown off the train I didn't have a mobile and the station I was at was a "request" stop. Took another 2hrs for a train coming through to actually stop. I lost my job that day; it was only my 2nd week and in an entry level min wage job in a high unemployment area.

I always prefer to use cash as I'm genuinely terrified of my card ever being declined.

I also hoard household food and items. It got so bad at one point that Dh actually had me sit with him, "stock count" what we had and do a meal plan.
We stopped planning when we got to 94 days of food. I'm not so bad now with hoarding but it's taken a lot and I have a stash of Woolworths gift cards instead. But I don't think that's so bad...

I don't think I'll ever be normal. I do feel glad in a way that I'm a cautious ex poor person not the type (like my sister) who's always desperate to spend what little she has because it won't last/it'll only go on something else/there's no point/she doesnt know what else to do with it. Two very different issues but I do see the problems behind them are the same.

We grew up very poor and I think my near obsession with keeping a spreadsheet of income and expenditure (which must tally with the bank balance exactly) stems from that background.
I also get a bit panicked if our savings don't grow month after month, but I always manage to reign it in. DH is much more "got it, spend it".
I manage all our finances as a result of my anxiety and his casual attitude!

I have had times as a child and an adult being poor. It is far worse as an adult because you are aware of your situation. The effects are so many to name, but the lingering effect is I check my bank balance many times a day. It doesn't change throughout the day but I still need to keep checking.

A social worker I know called it " The long tutorial of poverty "

yes. Dad was v poor as a child. got his rations given to older working siblings.

he rationed me as a child and we hardly ever spent on anything extra though my food was better. just allways the same amount and same menu everyweek.

I have issues with spending money on what other people think is normal, though we are in no way poor poor, just lowish income and not wanting to dip into savings.

Yes it does. I guess when money is tight you probably have some coping strategies to fall back on, but there are easier ways to learn most life lessons.
Being poor is exhausting. No one who is wealthy deliberately chooses it.

oh and I hoard food as well. and i can not throw away off food until it can walk to the bin on its own.

I think that some people who are very wealthy do choose to live this way

Definitely. I can't answer the phone unless I'm expecting the call or know the number. Door knocks send me into a panic. Every time I use my bank card I get a rush of relief because my card hasn't been declined. I am always anxious about money even though we have it. I overthink purchases massively, and feel massively guilty if I buy anything new/not second hand. I can't understand buying frivolities - e.g. clothes for the sake of new clothes rather than because something needs replacing.

I know there are some wealthy people who choose to shop that way, but choice is their luxury. I doubt they'll feel any of the anxieties that people who have lived in poverty feel around acting the way they do. I wish I could justify just booking myself a haircut because I fancy one (even though I know in my head that we have the cash sitting) - it's just not something that was possible growing up.

I can't answer the phone unless I'm expecting the call or know the number. Door knocks send me into a panic.

I have this too. My card has declined more times than I care to remember too, it's so demoralising.

The card thing really strikes a chord with me. I never use my debit card in shops because I'm just too afraid that it would be declined (it wouldn't, but the fear has never quite left me). And the fear when the phone rings even though I'm up to date with all my bills.
I also have a slight obsession with being able to make everything possible myself- clothes, bread, all other foods, soap, shampoo, curtains, everything I can. It probably costs me more for my stash of supplies, but it's the only way I can feel safe.

Yes it absolutely does. I was brought up piss poor in the 70s in a broken home on benefits. Things were a heck of a lot poorer then on bennys than they are now, believe me!

Now,well im well paid and i think i have paid the state back multiple times via my taxes for bringing me up,,i have more than enough money and more than most but it never leaves you.

My personal signs of early poverty include;

Filling kettle for exactly two mugs of tea from hot tap

Using all food as frugally as possible i,e i have trimmed a bit of mould off bread and bunged it in toaster, eaten good food past its self by/use by

Drive for economy

Be frugal with shower/bath water

Nip down the room stat to just right temperature

Deny myself luxuries/unjustified expense

I could go on. It never leaves you....

I grew up wealthy (still well off but not rolling in it) and do those things too. Lights always turned off when not needed, frugal food choices and always save leftovers for the following day, make our own work lunches, shower at the gym/work to save money, refuse to get a mani/pedi, dye my own hair, do my own facials, buy second-hand clothing (good quality but not the latest fashions), camping rather than expensive hotels, 10 year old cars etc. There are things that don't make sense to economise on, and I decide based on time (e.g. going to a car wash rather than washing the car at home since it's 10 minutes vs an hour) and long-term costs (e.g. our home is in a great area but we are very careful with utility bills). Also private school is a huge expense we decided to invest in (we have a giggle as other parents assume we're on financial aid).

Blingy spending habits are not a sign of wealth, they're a sign of carelessness or insecurity IMO. I hope our children are learning life lessons to not take money or physical things for granted, so that they can enjoy the things that really matter, like family, friendships and travel.

fromthebeach While I appreciate what you're saying, your post completely ignores the significant mental impact of having no choice in the matter and the stress that puts everyone in the household under.

That’s similar to what I mentioned - I don’t just don’t get why someone well off would live like they are poor. Especially when it’s so would destroying to be really poor
Living in poverty absolutely would change your mindset for ever, even if you did have more money later on

I've been frugal and well off and also frugal and grindingly poor. The two are not at all the same. It is hideous and utterly smug and condescending to suggest that they are.

*soul destroying not would destroying