Does poverty leave a legacy?

[FucksBizz]

I grew up piss poor. Recently things have been very tight as my DM has been ill and DH's income is unpredictable. January has been a loooong month and we've been limping along to pay day, and I've really noticed myself doing things that I assume must be learned behaviour from my childhood. Reusing tea bags, shopping at the time the local supermarket knock prices down, eating packet noodles, reusing bath water etc. I don't do this all the time. Only when anxious about money.

Anyone else?

Cactusjelly00, your post made a deep impression on me though I'm sorry you had to live through what you have in order to write it. It's nice to see that your OP seems to have a handle on how to deal with the aftereffects of such pervasive poverty.

Can anyone tell me if there's a way to save or bookmark a particular post? Cheers.

fromthebreach
While I can appreciate what you're trying to convey the two really aren't the same at all.
You don't have the fear or anxiety when it comes to spending money, or feeling like you don't deserve to spend money or you should spend it quickly because you shouldn't have it (all attitudes and beliefs behind it). You might know what it's like to stretch £5 to last 4 days. But you might know what it's like because you didn't want to dip into savings, or wanted to save £600 that week rather than £400. You might've been doing a challenge, but your cupboards were probably full, your car full of fuel and bills paid.

You've never known what it's like to do that because you have no choice, you've never known what it is to feed your three children on £5 for almost a week when all you've got in the cupboards is ketchup and half a bag of sugar. Or to be terrified to use your card, answer the door, answer your phone. Bump into someone you owe £20 to. Terrified a creditor is going to call your workplace.
Please don't come onto a thread and tell poor people, or people who've previously poor you do it better because it's so awesome and nice.
It shows a real lack of understanding about the mental state it puts you in.

Always remember, money doesn't buy nice cars, houses, nice food or clothes.
Money only buys you choice. You're making a choice. The thousands of people who are starving and cold tonight aren't.

ushuaiamonamour
You can copy and paste it to notes, or bookmark the whole thread. But I don't think there's another way to do it.
Thank you

Yes it stays with you.

The concept of treating myself I can't get head round.

I wear clothes until they fall to bits even though I could afford a replacement.

My family weren't poor but my sister left home as a young adult and set up shop with a guy who it later transpired stole all her money, ran up huge debts in both their names and generally left her living in abject poverty. It was only a few years and when she left my parents tried to help her financially but I strongly suspect she hid a lot of the bills to pay them off herself. She later married a guy with similar tendencies and then left him but took more debt with her again. She now lives with a lovely guy and, as far as I know, no-longer has money problems but she still has the fear of the bayliffs / bills / card declining etc.. It is a sad thing to see and I'd happily run over the guy who originally did this to her - but that is another thread!

apologies if I offended anyone, that wasn't the intention at all. Wanted to just say that some of the things mentioned aren't limited to those who grew up in poverty. There are some extreme things mentioned and I'm sorry some of you had to go through such experiences which have left scars.

...shower at the gym/work to save money, refuse to get a mani/pedi, dye my own hair, do my own facials, buy second-hand clothing (good quality but not the latest fashions)...

I'm sorry beach, and I know you have apologised and I understand the point you're making overall, you don't have to have experienced being poor to be careful with money...but not having a professional manicure or facial? When I had no money I was too busy working out how I could get food for the day, my nails and face didn't cross my mind. Even now, I don't consider the fact that I don't get my nails done, or go for facials, or own the latest fashions, a sign of being frugal, I just consider it normal. Getting them done is more of a luxury (for those who are into that sort of thing).

In answer to the op, I can easily go most of the day without eating and often do, but I panic at the idea of going to bed hungry. I have to eat dinner and like to know there is something else to have later just in case I get hungry. If I ever stay away from home, I bring food with me. I panic if I haven't brought any and there are no shops. Even if I had been out for dinner and then was going back to a hotel room, I need to know there is food in my room just in case.

DH says, "we need to have a low spend month"
I start reusing tea bags, dc already share their bath water but go down to three baths a week. I make them wear clothes for longer before washing. We go to pulse based meals.
This isn't what he means, he means don't spend thousands without telling me. We are very comfortable in reality but my childhood will not leave me.
On the plus side I am ready for the day it does all fall apart.

going the food thing drives me nuts, I carry food around all the time, I overstock and am rubbish at throwing out stuff from the fridge.

My dad was incredibly frugal and controlling with money so my mum had very little always. I remember she took my pants to work to dry as we had no dryer and they would get lost down the back of the water cylinder they were drying on. So, I would find myself with so few pants I had to wear old ones. An aunt took me shopping and got me 9 pairs from m and s and i felt like I had been given the greatest gift- so many in one go .....I then started hand washing them so I had control over having clean pants. I was 8. I lost my first job as by then we had a dryer but my dad was so controlling over it- i made the mistake of trying to dry my shirt as I had finished work at 5 and was back in the next morning. My father found the shirt drying in the machine, took it out and cut off the plug. I went in in my wet shirt and was sacked- I will never forget how they looked at me as if I was poor-middle class cafe run by snooty couple. Even now I feel extravagant using a dryer- our energy use bill is very low though;) But I realise that this was not the poverty my husband knew and actually this weird frugality taught me to manage money well-never been in debt always try and save at least half my wage each month- but I have few luxuries in my life.

Does it ever. It is hard to outgrow the poor syndrome.

I buy too many clothes for my own DC these days. I also don't pass clothes down unless DD2 specifically wants something of DD1's.

I don't want them to have that horror of non-uniform days that I did because they had nothing nice or trendy to wear.

Not only were we poor, but my mum had no interest herself in fashion. She also went so far as to shame me for looking scruffy because nice clothes didn't "magic" themselves into my wardrobe, but that's another thing altogether.

I wasn't poor through most of my childhood - then I ran away at 16 and thought I could make it on my own. What resulted was a teenage pregnancy and years as a single parent on benefits. Most weeks I had to choose between putting putting £5 on the gas meter or £5 on the electric meter as I couldn't afford both. I was piss poor.

Now I'm relatively well off but in my head, I'm still poor. I'm tight as a ducks arse with money and panic about spending it. I work our monthly budget out to the penny and account for every little thing, even an £18 takeaway goes into the budget.

If we have less than £2k in bank at the end of the month I feel anxious and tell DH that we're skint and mustn't spend anymore. It really is ridiculous and drives him mad.

The other day I was at work and considered going to McDonald's drive through for a coffee. I then told myself it was a waste of money and I couldn't afford it so drove past. I wouldn't have even noticed that money going out of the bank but I can't change my poor mindset. I don't think I ever will.

I had a terrible anxiety about spending money due to the legacy of poverty. Having to replace a broken household item like a kettle, would be agony. I’d read review after review and put off buying for ages, paralysed with anxiety. Supposing it didn’t last and I wasted good money!

This so stifled my life that ironically, I ended up spending a small fortune on counselling to address it. I wasn’t taking holidays and was wearing threadbare old underwear even though I had the money.

I’m a bit better now but my profligate (paying almost £3 for a coffee now and again) is a lot of people’s normal.

What helps me is embracing the Green movement. It enables me to feel comfortable with my frugality and it is much more readily accepted by others too.

My mum and dad grew up very poor but are very comfortable now. Dad is happy to spend and enjoy but my mum doesn't seem to be able to enjoy her money for herself, like she doesn't deserve nice things. She isn't tight - she will spend on me(!) but not on herself.

• Cuts open toothpaste and moisturizer bottles to get to the last little it.
• Kettle filled with exactly 1 or 2 mugs of water.
• Reuses tea bags.
• Takes dads shirts and turns the collar and cuffs - the point I last remember her doing this he was probably earning over £100k and she she was working p.t. bringing in about £20k!
• Always use up leftovers. Doesn't throw away anything left over no matter how small.
• Old pants and tshirts used as rags for cleaning.
• Always cooks from scratch - makes own stock from bones of a roast etc.

I would like her to be able to relax and buy nice things for herself and enjoy herself a little bit more.