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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Laid down 'rules' to BIL

60 replies

BrightBurn · 30/01/2018 07:53

DP's brother (23yo) has asked if he can stay with us for 2 months whilst he works in the area with the hopes to get a new job around here at the end of his temporary contract. We have a tiny house and he'd be staying on a sofa bed.

Now I like BIL but he lacks commitment and doesn't stick to jobs very well. He is also in a bit of debt from online gambling. I've agreed that he can stay but have laid some group rules...

  • He is to pay us a set amount of money each week to cover utilities/food etc.
  • He can only stay for 2 months, if he plans on staying in the area permanently he can move into a house share, which we will help him do.
  • If he quits this job for any reason he is to go straight home to MIL's where he lives.
  • His gf can't come over every weekend to stay. Once or twice is fine. We expect him to go to hers (1hr train ride) if he wants to see her (which he usually does on weekends).
  • He is to get a bus to and from work. We won't be giving lifts as we both work and have other commitments.

Do they sound fair? DP is going to explain all this to him in a firm but nice way.

OP posts:
Annechristmas · 30/01/2018 09:37

How far is is your MILs house. Could he go there at the weekends?

Honeycombcrunch · 30/01/2018 09:43

I would get him to sign something to say that he agrees to abide by your rules or leave. Personally I think 2 months is too long to have a guest sleeping in your living room but I hate having anyone to stay.

I agree with pp who say you should include rules about him being up by a certain time, clean up after himself, let you know if he is going to be late for meals and should with his gf at the weekend. Also include rules about no smoking, drinking or making noise late at night if this bothers you.

Original poster
BrightBurn · 30/01/2018 09:57

Thanks all. He can help himself to food that's no worries. But yes he will defenitely be on babysitting duty! Getting something in writing is deffo needed!

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 30/01/2018 10:02

Your rules are good, once you have added in more about cooking (without getting in your way and cleaning the kitchen to your standards afterwards) and cleaning. I honestly think that two months is too long to camp out in your living room.

A fortnight to give him time to find a flat share would be plenty generous and much less likely to end in upset.

Blondephantom · 30/01/2018 10:15

I would agree to let him stay Monday evening to Friday morning each week. He can then go to his girlfriend for the weekend. That gives you three evenings (and a weekend) of family time and a bit of space for everybody.

I’d make a clear outline of rules as PPs have suggested. Cover everything important to you. Time to be up and bed away by if it is in your living space. Meals, time that noise needs to be a minimum, no guests, etc.

I’d be inclined to charge him but making sure he can budget to get home/to girlfriend at the weekend. The break will be invaluable and it shouldn’t cost a great deal extra to feed and house an extra person for a few nights a week. You could charge slightly more than you need and put some in one side for deposit/first month rent for him.

Original poster
BrightBurn · 30/01/2018 10:35

Thanks. Hell be camped out in our conservatory. I've bought him bedding and a heater. His badger should be fine as he's getting paid more than what we do!

OP posts:
TruthUniversallyAcknowledged6 · 30/01/2018 10:39

His badger? 😱

Riverside2 · 30/01/2018 12:06

Perhaps the badger should pay rent too? Then again, if the badger earns that much he could rent air B and B for both him and BIL. or do most air B and B not allow badgers? I would quite like one. I've never seen one!

Riverside2 · 30/01/2018 12:08

Also you've paid for bedding and heater? Very generous.

Flutterbyeee · 30/01/2018 12:10

Seems fair...can I move in for a bit?? Grin

Original poster
BrightBurn · 30/01/2018 12:13

I meant budget Blush This damn autocorrect!

OP posts:
KarenW · 30/01/2018 12:14

That made me laugh, thanks for cheering up my day! I've never even seen a badger, never mind one that earns a decent wage!

KarenW · 30/01/2018 12:15

That changes everything, get him to airbnb .. he can afford it.

Blackteadrinker77 · 30/01/2018 12:16

I would be adding in that he doesn't change his bank address to yours.

If he gambles on line and has debt I'd be concerned that anything could come to your address.

TruthUniversallyAcknowledged6 · 30/01/2018 12:17

Bloody badgers, coming over here, taking our jobs.... AND earning more than us humans!! Angry

Jammycustard · 30/01/2018 12:19

My DH’s niece lives with us Monday-Friday. She goes home at the weekend as I want my house back I like her a lot and she’s no bother, but someone ‘hanging around’ can get irritating.

TheClacksAreDown · 30/01/2018 12:22

I would think about how much you’re happy to have the heater on. Could get quite cold at night in a conservatory but the heating bills could be big if he leaves it on all night to stay warm.

flumpybear · 30/01/2018 12:22

Aaahhhh he's got a badger Grin

I'd definitely set down rules for him keeping tidy and his living space tidy if you're expecting the conservatory to be usable whilst he's staying
Definitely housework rota or similar

MrsMozart · 30/01/2018 12:28

Will he use your home as his postal address?

I'd be concerned about the debt from gambling as having unexpected baliffs turning up is no fun!

FinallyHere · 30/01/2018 12:29

Earning more they we do

OK, so is the idea to stay at your place in order to pay off his debt? If so, then i would be adding that to 'the rules'. Not the way you would want to treat an adult, but then an adult should be paying their own way.

domesticslattern · 30/01/2018 12:35

If he has got a badger I would be wary. They can be very noisy and active at night.

MichaelBendfaster · 30/01/2018 12:39

Why does he need to stay with you at all if he's earning well?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 30/01/2018 12:41

I think a badger is fine, but don't let him bring a squirrel with him!

BloomersBerry · 30/01/2018 12:43

YBVU not mentioning the badger in your OP. Blatant drip feeding Grin Bear (in lieu of badger smiley)

Pearlsaringer · 30/01/2018 12:46

What MichaelBendfaster said. Also two months is way too long. He will get comfortable.

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