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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wanting a quote for work in my kitchen and they want my DP to be there too. The 1950's are still alive and kicking

79 replies

strawberrysalsa · 29/01/2018 19:37

Pretty much as the title says. I am wanting a quote to get the cupboard doors in my kitchen replaced so not a major job and when I'm trying to organise a time I'm told they will only come if my partner is there too!! I was so taken aback I couldn't come back with any suitable feminist logic, so for that I am totally BU, though I did tell them I wasn't interested and put the phone down.

But I just couldn't believe in this day and age that any company would be so patronising as to assume that a woman needed anyone's permission to spend money. Its my house and my money!!

There are so many things wrong with insisting the 'man' was there! I am still fuming over 2 hours after the call which is why I'm posting, my cat really isn't that good a listener and my kids have all agreed with me and then sloped off, they are used to my rants!!

OP posts:

AlexaAmbidextra · 29/01/2018 21:34

Strawberry. Why don't you order the doors and fit them yourself?Honestly, they are a doddle. No need for any male involvement at all.

TieGrr · 29/01/2018 21:35

I've seen a sign (possibly a joke) on Facebook in a tile shop near me stating that husbands won't be served without their wives permission.

GrumpySausage · 29/01/2018 21:44

I had this with double glazing recently. I rang them, made the appointment at my convenience (non working day) and gave them all my details. They then asked for my DH's number as well so I gave them it at the end for completeness.

Two days later they rang my dh to say they needed to rearrange the appointment and what would be best for him. I was annoyed but let it go.

At the appointment I then gave them all my financial details to pay and made it clear the payment would be in my name and that they would need to be fitted at my convenience. A few days later they then again rang my dh to discuss fitting! Argh! At this point I did ring up and give them hell. The woman was quite rude when I asked them not to call my dh. If we hadn't already paid a deposit and they'd given us a very good deal I'd have cancelled.

AliceWhatsth3Matter · 29/01/2018 21:47

So me years ago when I was first married to now exh, I discovered he had contacted BT and had the phone put into his name (one of the first red flags). He'd moved into my house and the phone had always been in my name.

When I called BT to ask them to put it back into my name they said they couldn't without his permission as he was now the account holder.

I pointed out that they hadn't asked my permission to put it into his name and was told I should think myself lucky I had a man prepared to pay my phone bill. I was speaking to a woman too.

Mumsymcmumface · 29/01/2018 21:51

We always check if there are two partners in the house before going out to quote. Doesnt matter if it’s a mans and woman, woman and man, two men or two women.

Too much time wasted over the years with people who then have to check with their partner, or who even go as far as placing an order then cancel because the partner doesn’t agree or wants to get another quote, or wants you to come back again to discuss with them.

Nothing to do with feminism or being a woman. Completely to do with a lot of customers wasting suppliers time.

Original poster

strawberrysalsa · 29/01/2018 21:54

I am now going down the route of ordering doors and fitting them ourselves.

I'm guessing it wasn't intended as sexism but as part of a pressure sales technique but it felt sexist.

Possibly my age, sexism was rampant in my early working life and I remember, after telling a sales rep we didn't need his services, being asked to put him through to 'the man in charge'. I took great delight in telling him he was speaking to the person in charge.

OP posts:

Graphista · 29/01/2018 22:52

Mumsy - actually as has been said "must check with partner" is usually an excuse used to deal with hard sell people who won't take no for an answer.

Those that placed orders then backed out were possibly pressured into ordering/placing deposits in the first place?

Maybe your sales people are too aggressive?

tillytrotter1 · 29/01/2018 23:00

We had a similar situation regarding quotes for a new boiler, one company sent their engineer round, we were both there and interacted with him, I'm the one who usually asks the 'awkward' questions, he's very trusting. Subsequently when they phoned they always asked for him, even if he wasn't in they wouldn't deal with me!
Buying electronics is always a funny experience, they automatically gravitate to talk to him, I then walk away and watch their consternation as they try to talk to the world's biggest technophobe, serves them right!

abitoflight · 29/01/2018 23:32

This is a real surprise to me
Workmen never see my DH as he's always at work and planned and ordered kitchens, bathrooms, boilers etc
Somy zero chance of me ordering from a company like that

kmc1111 · 29/01/2018 23:50

Anytime I've had major work done to my home companies have wanted both home owners there, whether I enquired first or my DH did.

It makes sense to me. If you're doing major work, like a new kitchen or new glazing or so on to a property, it makes things a lot simpler if you know that both homeowners are on board and agree on what should be done and how it should look. You don't want to start and find out one homeowner never agreed to you doing the work or to doing it the way you decided on.

Working with couples in my own job has more than made it clear to me that you should never trust that they've been communicating properly with one another. If it affects a joint asset in a major way you've got to get them together and make sure they actually know and agree with what the other is doing, otherwise it can turn into an absolute nightmare.

PonderLand · 29/01/2018 23:59

I had this with a door salesman last week. We'd just got a quote from Everest so I told him to measure and give me a quote then and there. I know what we want and would be willing to pay a cheaper price after doing research on a company.

He said he'd come back later when my DP was home, I said he isn't home this week... he said he'd come back next week, I said nevermind. He said he'll come back in an hour then. 10 minutes later a phone call from the 'office' again asking me to get them back when we're both home, I really insisted on it not being necessary, and even said we'd never agree a sale on the day - if the price their offering is that good they won't worry about you having time to get other quotes. They told me they aren't allowed to give me a quote without both home owners there He said okay then salesman will come in an hour. Then a phone call from the salesman saying he'll come on the weekend after 6 when we're both home. The weekend comes around and my DP had plans! I told them nevermind and to leave me be.

It's funny really, if he'd just done it then and there he might of had a sale.

ExecutiveDiamondBossBabeHun · 30/01/2018 00:52

Argh I had the same thing a few years ago. Refused to book appointments with any of the companies who said it... we also needed a new front door. I called Apple Home improvements set up an appointment. Man came round, I answered the door, took him into the kitChen where DH was reading a book and refusing to get involved (all decisions like this belong to me as DH is stuck in the 70s 😅). Anyway salesman still kept trying to talk to DH not me so in the end was shown the door - I told him politely and repeatedly DH was trying to read his book and wasn't interested!!!

Elephant17 · 30/01/2018 08:57

Graphista

Re your response to mumsy- this hard sell stuff doesn't add up in all cases as many tradesmen don't quote on the spot anyway, they will come to your home to gather the info of what it is you want and then send you an official quote later on. In fact, it works both ways- my partner is very put off people demanding costs on the spot, they tend to be awkward customers when the work comes to doing. There's usually no way my partner could quote on the spot with the work he does. If people need time to think about a quote once it's been made, fair enough, but loads of people don't seem to even have a clue what they want as a couple in the first place. My partner will go along, talk through loads of options and the client will be thrilled and wanting xyz, only to be told, once they've received the quote later on, the other half isn't keen so either they don't want to go ahead or want a completely new quote for something completely different. It's extremely annoying.

It's not always about the hard sell, or sexism, it's sometimes about people being stupid and not agreeing between themselves what they're interested in before getting someone over to quote.

Some of these quotes take days of pricing and researching specific products, my partner works very hard and especially during difficult months like January, he doesn't need his time wasted in this way.

So please don't tar everyone with the same brush.

Mumsymcmumface · 30/01/2018 09:01

*Mumsy - actually as has been said "must check with partner" is usually an excuse used to deal with hard sell people who won't take no for an answer.

Those that placed orders then backed out were possibly pressured into ordering/placing deposits in the first place?

Maybe your sales people are too aggressive?*

Wrong. Whenever quote on the spot - it simply isn’t possible,so no high pressure sales here.

We always check if there are two decision makers and if so only go to visit she. They are both available, simply because from experience it saves so much messing around for the reasons already explained.

Kazzyhoward · 30/01/2018 09:28

Completely to do with a lot of customers wasting suppliers time.

All businesses have to deal with time-wasters - it's not unique to home improvements and husband/wife disagreements.

When I organised our conservatory, the quote came through with a formal order form that had to be signed by us both. That's a very good way of dealing with the risk of one spouse not having approval of the other. It also came with a very comprehensive list of work to be done, tech specs, etc, so there was no misunderstanding. (Other firms who quoted just put something vague like "to new conservatory as discussed" which is neither use nor ornament!).

Each business has to make their own decisions. If they feel that it's too much of a risk to their time to see only one homeowner, then fair enough, they also have to accept that they'll lose work because of it.

Elephant17 · 30/01/2018 10:39

All businesses have to deal with time-wasters - it's not unique to home improvements and husband/wife disagreements.

Who said it was? I'm sure all businesses do what they can to avoid time wasters.

It's just in this instance, everyone has decided it's simply down to sexism and/or hard selling, which may be the case sometimes, but definitely not always.

Graphista · 30/01/2018 11:48

I didn't say all but it does happen a lot. Yes there are awkward customers but there are unscrupulous sales people too

feral · 30/01/2018 12:10

This happened to me last week with Safestyle. I hung up on them saying they can keep their sexist products to themselves and called a local guy, as I should've done to start with!

Kazzyhoward · 31/01/2018 14:26

Completely to do with a lot of customers wasting suppliers time.

If you're spending thousands, I think it entirely reasonable for the supplier to come more than once to discuss options. That's the case whether there are one or two homeowners there.

Completely different of course if you're just spending a couple of hundred quid.

Elephant17 · 01/02/2018 09:11

I didn't say all but it does happen a lot

Does it? How do we really know it does? Do we always have proof or are people sometimes just assuming that this is what has happened to them?

People will come to the conclusions they choose but they may not always be accurate.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but maybe not as much as people believe. From this thread it seems people assume it's what happens the majority of the time but it may well not be.

All the 'sexism' and 'hard sell' comments are from customers. The only comments here from the point of view of the tradespeople have both said pretty much the same thing, that their reasons for wanting all homeowners present is simply to avoid wasting time quoting for something when the customers aren't on the same page with what they want.

I feel I should point out that any experienced tradesmen working in 2018 (even if they ARE sexist arseholes) will know very well that women can be the higher earner/be the main decision maker of a family, but the majority of the time when it comes to home changes and a lot of money is being spent, it will still be discussed as a family. I would be furious if my partner went ahead with a load of expensive work on the house without consulting me- it's still my home, even if he is the higher earner!

Eltonjohnssyrup · 01/02/2018 09:47

This happened to me last week with Safestyle

You've had a lucky escape. Awful company.

TeeniefaeTroon · 02/02/2018 18:47

I forgot to add, when we were getting quotes and they wanted us both there, it was my DH who was going to present at the appointment and not me.

LEMtheoriginal · 02/02/2018 18:51

Not rtft but my Dp is a carpenter and prefers both partners to be there. Male or female - surely you'd want your partners input? Unless it's not about deciding what you want them I'll crawl back under my stone

Jamiefraserskilt · 02/02/2018 18:52

Had this loads of times. My approach is it is my money, my house and I make the decisions. If you are not happy dealing with me alone, I will have to look elsewhere.
I always discuss things with himself but he leaves it up to me as he is more car focused than house focused. I handle the finances so know what we can and cannot afford.
Makes me death when they do this.

Jamiefraserskilt · 02/02/2018 18:53

Seethe Not Death bloody autocorrect!

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