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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting a quote for work in my kitchen and they want my DP to be there too. The 1950's are still alive and kicking

79 replies

strawberrysalsa · 29/01/2018 19:37

Pretty much as the title says. I am wanting a quote to get the cupboard doors in my kitchen replaced so not a major job and when I'm trying to organise a time I'm told they will only come if my partner is there too!! I was so taken aback I couldn't come back with any suitable feminist logic, so for that I am totally BU, though I did tell them I wasn't interested and put the phone down.

But I just couldn't believe in this day and age that any company would be so patronising as to assume that a woman needed anyone's permission to spend money. Its my house and my money!!

There are so many things wrong with insisting the 'man' was there! I am still fuming over 2 hours after the call which is why I'm posting, my cat really isn't that good a listener and my kids have all agreed with me and then sloped off, they are used to my rants!!

OP posts:
Woollypinksocks · 29/01/2018 20:00

This doesn't make sense, how did they even know that you had a partner?

BlindLemonAlley · 29/01/2018 20:00

Its so they can give you the hard sell. I was glad that my DH was there when a certain company came to quote for our kitchen. We couldn’t get him to leave. He started off being our best friend but then when we wouldn’t hand over a deposit and commit he got a bit arsey. DH helped him pack his samples and showed him the door.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 29/01/2018 20:03

I've had this, when I was single and the sole owner of my flat. One double glazing company and a boiler fitting man. Neither got my money, both received complaints from me.

ilovesooty · 29/01/2018 20:12

I'm moving house and using the tradesmen my friend who lives nearby uses as I'm new to the area. I'd love to see her face if any tradesman wanted to speak to her with her husband present!

JaneEyre70 · 29/01/2018 20:14

Find a local kitchen fitter, if you are on any FB noticeboards you can ask for recommendations or ask friends/family if they've had anything done recently.

We had a national glazing company that told me my DH had to be here for their visit. I'm glad he was as DH had to more or less throw him out. Never again, we only use local tradespeople now.

Kazzyhoward · 29/01/2018 20:15

This happens a lot. Simple way of dealing - just put the phone down and talk to companies that aren't stuck in the dark ages.

As to those saying you need both homeowners - no you don't. I've arranged a full replacement conservatory, a garden landscape, all windows in house, new front door, new alarm system, all on my little own, with enlightened firms who don't have an attitude problem. All worked out fine.

The only things I have arranged with OH were replacement kitchen and doors, but even with those, I did the order signing and finalisation - OH just went along to choose styles/colours etc and played no part in the negotiation etc.

PookieSnackenberger · 29/01/2018 20:19

Name and shame on Twitter etc.

I once had this from a very well known double glazing company. I was stunned and did query it vehemently. I was told it was 'so that we could make the decision together'. When they insisted I told them to shove their appointment.

I contacted a local company and he ended up with 12K of business.

More fool them for their archaic, outdated policies.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 29/01/2018 20:19

I recently tore a strip off the RAC, and cancelled my membership as they wouldn't speak to me and needed to speak to my DP...he got on the phone explained it was my car etc etc and they needed to speak to me but that wasn't good enough.

If the membership is in his name and he pays the direct debit they have to get his permission as the bill holder to discuss it with you, nothing to do with sexism, it's data protection. My DH has to get my permission to speak to sky and the electricity co as they're in my name.

PookieSnackenberger · 29/01/2018 20:22

ITA with Kazzyhoward.

It does not need two householders, that's just a thinly disguised excuse. I make all the household decisions here because DH is not interested and doesn't have as much time to arrange quotes.

Original poster
strawberrysalsa · 29/01/2018 20:22

I think I'd be VERY slightly less bothered if my DP would even notice new kitchen doors. I repainted the hall a very different colour...magnolia to duck egg blue ... and it took my youngest DS asking him if he liked it before he noticed.

Ok I lie, it wouldn't make me less annoyed. I'm still seething and thinking of all the things I should have said.

I am now looking at other options and soothing myself with colours for the new doors. I'm torn between light grey and matt white.

OP posts:
Ragusa · 29/01/2018 20:22

The 'we need both homeowners' thing is absolute bullshit. Just total rubbish. I wouldn't give them any of my hard-earned money. Sadly you don't even have to be competent to turn a profit, let alone living in the 21st century.

I love the digging up thing, that is brilliant. I'm going to try that next time.

Original poster
strawberrysalsa · 29/01/2018 20:25

I understood the RAC needed to speak to DP with data protection but even after he spoke to them and said they needed to speak to me they wouldn't, it was a joint membership. To be fair I did get an apology but I still cancelled the membership

OP posts:
NeilPetark · 29/01/2018 20:26

I have managed to get the windows done, landscape the garden and sort a house extension without DH being with me.

Graphista · 29/01/2018 20:35

How the hell do they treat single mums??

Name and shame op - here, on sm, review sites the lot.

I suspect pp saying its to use hard sell techniques are right, I've had some crackers in my time!

But both the sexism AND the hard sell issues are disgusting and illegal.

frami · 29/01/2018 20:36

4 years ago I went to buy a car. There was a random bloke also hanging around the showroom whom the salesman assumed was my partner there to advise me on my purchase. Toyota missed out on a sale that day!

Caroelle · 29/01/2018 20:37

I also had this with a well known double glazing company after I had got a very rough estimate for new patio doors. I got loads of bullshit. I pointed out that I am the main wage earner and they had just lost my business, and they didn’t care. Local bloke charged £400 less.

Elephant17 · 29/01/2018 20:38

This might Not be what you think it is... and I hope it's not!

My partner is a builder and prefers both/all home owners present when discussing works, just so everyone's singing from the same hymn sheet. He's ended up wasting a lot of time quoting for things only for the client to come back and say 'actually I've spoken to my wife/husband/parter and they want something entirely different'.

It's amazing how many couples seem to not even vaguely discuss their preferrences before getting someone to come and quote!

Graphista · 29/01/2018 20:42

Frami - one of the few good things my dad did was made sure all three of his kids knew about cars enough to not get ripped off!

I've had a few interesting occasions where garages (sales and repair) have waffled on giving me a load of bullshit, then I've corrected them/pointed out where they were trying to pull the wool over my eyes - then made damn sure they knew they'd lost not only my business but I'd be more than happy to let as many people as possible know how they operated.

I've also made sure that companies/workers that have treated me well get excellent reviews and business through me.

Small businesses and tradesmen in particular get a lot of their business through word of mouth.

Talkingfrog · 29/01/2018 21:06

We have had a quote for our bathroom to be redone and quotes for windows. Weren't asked by either for both of us to be there.

As it happens they both got the pair of us and numerous questions from a curious 6 yr old. Smile

Based on what the others have said I can why they don't want people to say they need to discuss with absent partner, but I would be unlike to commit my self straight away anyway, if dh was there or not.

Getting a quote for a flat dormer roof is beyond my capabilities. First one didn't turn up-wasn't convinced he wrote it down when we were talking.
Second came to look at the other job to be on a Sat but didn't have ladders to look at the roof. Was going to come a week ago if dry, but it rained that day. Apparently messaged me but nothing received by me. I have always emailed and he replies straight away on email, but still no info on if and when he is going to quote.
Third was phoned a week ago and left a message with his wife. Phoned Friday and she said he is working through the list. Still nothing.
I only want to know when he will quote - not expecting him to turn up and do the quote or the job tomorrow!
Not sure where I am going wrong as they all have good feedback or have been recommended by people on local FB pages.

UpstartCrow · 29/01/2018 21:10

My neighbour had someone round to give her a quote. He got the address wrong and turned up at my place, and made a bizarre sexist comment, trying to wind me up.

Which I passed on to her so she's gone somewhere else instead.

Elephant17 · 29/01/2018 21:13

It is most certainly not thinly veiled sexism in my partner's case!

He couldn't care less about who the main earner is and is under no illusions that having a penis automatically makes you knowledgeable about building and carpentry!

CoffeeAndCupcakes85 · 29/01/2018 21:28

My friend had the same thing a few years ago. When she quizzed them, they said that they were sick of doing work women had asked them to do then the husbands would refuse to pay because they hadn't known about/approved of the work Hmm. Thankfully my friend put them in their place and also refused to give them any business.

reallynearlythere · 29/01/2018 21:31

Yep, I have renovated a house and three different companies asked me if I were married before coming to give a quote for work. Suffice to say none of them got my business.

MissEliza · 29/01/2018 21:33

As others have said, it's to try to push to decide there and then and not use the 'I'll have to ask my other half' exit strategy.

SandyY2K · 29/01/2018 21:33

I've had that before and the they've said the same to DH when he was looking into buying a bed (an adjustamatic one)..
same thing with double glazing quotes.

It's easy to tell them you're not buying as you need to consult your OH

It's not just because you're a woman. If you were a single parent it would be fine...as nobody else needs to make the decision.