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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to work with colleague

55 replies

Introvertpants · 29/01/2018 06:26

I work with different colleagues all the time but I have had the same colleague for a few weeks in a row now and I just can't work with the guy.
The guy is in his 60s and is so so slow at doing the job that I end up covering most of the slack and basically have to babysit him and do more than my fair share. It's a fast paced environment and I come shattered. If I don't do the work I end up doing unwanted overtime because the job won't get done in time and will have to carry it over the next day if I leave it

He absolutely stinks. It makes me heave. I have complained to management as it's filling me with dread going to work. They said they would talk to him.

He has problems with his speech which is a shame for him and I understand but I can't communicate with him as I have no understanding of what he is saying. It ends up with a complete awkward silence the whole time and there is no conversation what so ever. He just responds in grunts anyway.
I've just had enough now but I feel like I would come across as a bully or a nasty bitch for refusing to work with him plus it puts my work in an awkward position but I can't stand the guy. I also find him very creepy and he makes me feel very uncomfortable but obviously this isn't a valid reason to refuse to work with someone.
Aibu to refuse to work with him?

OP posts:

RaindropsAndSparkles · 29/01/2018 06:34

If you refuse because he has learning disabilities, is 60+, and possibly MH difficulties and you don't like him for that v v v U.

If you go to management and say he is struggling with the workload and this means yours is unfair and you feel they should look at some readonable adjustments to support him. V v helpful and constructive.

FrancisCrawford · 29/01/2018 06:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Timefortea99 · 29/01/2018 06:39

Isn't it a temporary situation though? You work with different colleagues all the time so your experience will end soon?

Original poster

Introvertpants · 29/01/2018 06:39

There can't be any reasonable adjustments without them taking him off the current role that's the thing.
I don't want to be a bitch but I don't think he is up to the job. I think if he worked alone at his own pace without holding anyone back would be better and he would enjoy it better without pressure and the awkward silences.
I sometimes feel he delibratly takes things slower so I will pick up the work because he knows I'm quicker and he knows I will do it. But like I said if I don't then I have to pick up the pieces the following day.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 06:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Introvertpants · 29/01/2018 06:49

I have no idea if he has a disability or not. Obviously he has speech problems. I know nothing about him. Apart from the fact he stinks too, I assume he needs some sort of help but it's not my job to do that.

OP posts:

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 06:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BIWI · 29/01/2018 07:02

What has his age go to do with anything?

Original poster

Introvertpants · 29/01/2018 07:05

The fact he is older may be the reason he's struggling with the physical aspect of the job.
I don't think it is but it could be relevant.

OP posts:

whitecremeegg · 29/01/2018 07:05

A speech problem IS a disability so the OP doesn't need to confirm anything further.

OP should ask HR to put access to work in place which could pay for a on the job support worker and/or assistive technology to help with communication.

OP needs to be careful as she could be disciplined if she makes this man uncomfortable in return.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 07:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BIWI · 29/01/2018 07:15

Be careful OP that you're not being both disablist and ageist.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/01/2018 07:22

The world has gone mad. OP shouldn't have to put up with a stinky colleague, whose work she has to do, for fear of being disablist. It should be okay for her to say that to her boss wothout having to couch it in pc terms.
If he can't do his job without a fuck ton of assistance then he shouldn't be there.

BackInTheRoom · 29/01/2018 07:33

Conversely his issues are contributing to your stress OP. Go to HR.

Sumo1 · 29/01/2018 07:36

He could be on meds affecting speech. Not that I know of any off hand but just another suggestion.

Collaborate · 29/01/2018 07:40

You have personalised your complaints too much, which doesn't put you across in a positive light. I suspect you are aware of this, as you say you don't want to come across as a bully or a nasty bitch.

Take a step back from it, concentrate on the performance issues and how that affects you, otherwise it will come across as bullying. Just taking a guess here that he's already acutely aware you despise him, and feels awful about having to work with you. What a toxic working environment, which I suspect you are chiefly responsible for.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

c75kp0r · 29/01/2018 07:45

You dont have a right to know what the cause of his lack of capability is. You do need evidence of how it is impacting on your effectiveness and wellbeing.

Original poster

Introvertpants · 29/01/2018 07:47

I don't think you would feel the same collaborate if you were coming home from work extra tired because of more work load and having to put up with the smell that makes your eyes water day in day out.

Believe me I feel sorry for the guy but I think he could be given a role where he works alone. I think he would be more comfortable. More than two other colleagues have complained about him so the managers are more than aware of his problems but don't address it. I flagged up his hygine issue because it's making me feel sick. I told them I felt bad about saying it but I'm struggling with it.
I do not have anything against anyone with disabities but firing them into a job that is not suitable for them isn't going to do anyone any favours.

OP posts:

Alison100199 · 29/01/2018 08:40

YANBU. It sounds like a horrible problem. Nobody should dread going into work or have to put up with a stinky, slow colleague who you can't understand. You have rights in this situation too. Speak to HR about his performance and hygeine issues.

lougle · 29/01/2018 08:49

"or have to put up with a stinky, slow colleague who you can't understand."

Can I have a bit of your empathy? You have so much, you surely don't need it all?

The smell is one issue - that can be tackled sensitively by a manager.

The slowness and speech difficulties may just be part of an illness or disability, and people with either of those have a right to work. In a community with other workers Not ghettoed so the "normals" don't have to mix with them and be inconvenienced.

I have such optimism for when my DD1 (12) leaves special school and tries to get a job

Collaborate · 29/01/2018 08:54

Pengggwn & OP - these are the comments I picked up on as being particularly illuminating and indicative of bullying:

He absolutely stinks. It makes me heave.
He has problems with his speech
It ends up with a complete awkward silence
He just responds in grunts anyway
I can't stand the guy. I also find him very creepy and he makes me feel very uncomfortable

It just reminds me of being at school. In my class there was a boy who had a smell about him. He was mercilessly bullied, and this thread sounds very familiar. You've personalised a work issue. I accept I'm reading between the lines a bit, but not much.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedHelenB · 29/01/2018 09:04

I wouldn't pick up the slack because whilever you do management have no incentive to do anything. Do your job to the best of your ability but what doesn't get done doesn't get done.

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