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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my boyfriend is completely wrong?

75 replies

StormG · 29/01/2018 00:31

Hiya, I'm new to Mumsnet but I've just had an awful few days with my partner and was hoping to see what you all think. I posted to another forum but I think it should have been on this topic

I've been with my partner for almost a year and he isn't the dad of my 2 little ones. He wanted to go on holiday, and for me to find a baby sitter to have my kids for 4 days while we go away. 2 of these days they are in school.

I thought it was quite unreasonable to ask my family to have them, as its a half an hour drive and they need to make 3 trips a day due to different finishing times, they also work, but he thinks they should change shifts or take time off to have them.

He has gone completely crazy over the fact I won't ask for help saying I care more about what my family think of me, than doing something to benefit our relationship. He's also decided my family are awful for not helping more.

Am I being crazy to feel this isn't very fair? My family have never been the type to go away without their kids and I knew their answer would be a definite No.

He almost broke up with me because of it so it's all been quite upsetting.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? blush

OP posts:

Hissy · 29/01/2018 07:46

It really panicked me because it's so out of character.

Oh no it’s not... he’s letting the mask slip, this IS the beginning of his character.

You literally don’t know the real him, I’ve seen this film before, the ending is always the same, I’d advise you to get out now. Today. Never ever look back.

AutumnalTed · 29/01/2018 07:51

Deleted his Facebook? He’s probably blocked you. Sounds like a baby, put him in the bin

BellyBean · 29/01/2018 07:54

Would you consider doing it in a school holiday and tack it onto a exh contact weekend and offer money?

Though I guard my AL fiercely and wouldn't use it for favours like this. We don't all have indulgent non working grandparents

Blushlove · 29/01/2018 08:00

This will be an ongoing thing, even if you sorted it out and went to please him it would be the same thing next year and the year after apart from them times he will say "well your family had them last time so they can do it again".

Appuskidu · 29/01/2018 08:04

What an unpleasant man. He doesn’t sound lovely-he is trying to get you away from your kids and is trying to turn you away from your family!

LTB

expatinscotland · 29/01/2018 08:11

'He said if we don't get more than 48 hours together then he's going to struggle...He's been such a good step dad to my kids and honestly a completely overwhelmingly lovely boyfriend. we went on a family holiday just last November. I just don't even know where it has all come from. Today he stopped speaking to me at 5 and his Facebook's been deleted. It's all just so strange.'

Time to move on. He's not a stepdad and you are not a family unit. He's not lovely. He's just now showing you who he is because you barely know him. Get rid.

HolyMountain · 29/01/2018 08:14

Tell him to fuck off.

He’s a wanker and you and your kids deserve better.

expatinscotland · 29/01/2018 08:14

He's full of shit thinking people who work FT should change their shifts and drive 1.5 hours so he can get off with his girlfriend. Entitled, spoilt arsehole.

Branleuse · 29/01/2018 08:16

He should break things off, because it doesnt sound like he fits into a family with children.

I do think its a shame if your parents dont help you more, but if they dont, they dont.

KimmySchmidt1 · 29/01/2018 08:19

It sounds like he likes you but doesn't really want to be a full time father to two kids that he didn't plan and aren't his. The holiday is the issue that has crystallised that for him. That's a legitimate choice for him - plenty of people don't want to bring up someone's else's kids - but there's not much point in stringing the relationship out if you are looking for someone to marry and be a father to your kids rather than something more casual.

Just do t give him any money/let him live in your house FFS.

expatinscotland · 29/01/2018 08:25

'I do think its a shame if your parents dont help you more, but if they dont, they dont.'

They work FT and would have to change their shifts to enable to her to go on a jolly with a new boyfriend (and drive 1.5 hours a day extra to get the kids to and from school).

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 29/01/2018 08:43

Tell this entitled git, to do one !😡

TheStoic · 29/01/2018 09:21

I think he knew full well you would say No, and he’s using it as an excuse to break up with you.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 29/01/2018 09:27

Kids are number one. I wouldn’t entertain the idea of being with a man who didn’t get that.
Someone who was prepared for family life would suggest a shorter trip or a trip out of term time or some other compromise. He’s not Step Dad material, best you find out now.

FitBitFanClub · 29/01/2018 09:36

So, he wanted a four-day shag-fest without the kids around and he's now dumped you because it's not going to happen?

Top bloke.

coffeecoffeemorecoffee · 29/01/2018 09:44

Has he ever been away with you and the kids as a family? I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to think he could have a weekend away alone with you, so long as he is also involved in family holidays.

TathitiPete · 29/01/2018 10:11

I honestly think you should keep yourself and your DC away from this guy. Whether or not his request was reasonable his reaction to being told no is inexcusable.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/01/2018 10:18

Presumably he would never have kids with a partner because then you don't get EOW or shared custody, you potentially get no break at all for years. He isn't ready to be any sort of parent

Hofty · 29/01/2018 10:20

Leave him. Self entitled twat.
Do it now. It will only get worse.

FitBitFanClub · 29/01/2018 10:26

Coffee,Its not just a weekend. He wants 4 days, and for her family to take time off from work and drive a long way 3 times a day for the school run in order to facilitate his idea.
And has acted like a spoilt brat when the OP has objected.

LexieLulu · 29/01/2018 11:52

Any partner you have should know that your kids are your no1 priority.

My DH knows this (he is the the kids DF btw, not a step parent) and he's fine with it.

He knows that in any ultimatum the kids will win, I would always put them first.

Any man whose not ok with that, I'm not ok with! Get rid! Don't let him guilt you as you're being a good DM

ThisLittleKitty · 29/01/2018 12:17

I got jumped on on another post for pointing out someone's partner wasn't a step dad when they had only been together 6 months. I really don't get why some women get bf and suddenly he is the "step dad" when he has been on the scene for such little time. And family holidays when you had only been together 9 months? Do you live together? (I'm guessing you do?)

Abracadabraapileofbollocks · 29/01/2018 12:31

But you're not judge and jury. There is no perfect length of time that definesca committed and stable relationship. Some people show their true colours 5 or 10 or 20 years down the line (such as my uncle with a 22 year affair going on the whole time he was married to my aunt).

pictish · 29/01/2018 17:24

“He has gone completely crazy over the fact I won't ask for help saying I care more about what my family think of me, than doing something to benefit our relationship. He's also decided my family are awful for not helping more.”

Translation: “What I want is the most important thing. I’m going to use emotional blackmail and shame as well as making you doubt your family, in order to get what I want.”

Hissy · 29/01/2018 19:16

He’s trying to isolate you from your family

Hear those alarm bells?

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