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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to NY?

44 replies

SwanVests · 29/01/2018 00:10

Nc’d for this.

Next weekend dh and I are supposed to be going to NYC. We’re going out for a posh meal with his work on Saturday, then Sunday exploring. He has to work Monday then we’re flying back overnight. It’s all booked and paid for through his work.

I’ve never been to nyc and always wanted to go. I’ve also never spent more than one night away from my dc (and that was only once). They’re 5 and 22 months. 5 year old is going through a very clingy stage and 22 month old ends up in our bed most nights. My dm will be looking after them, she is great with them, they love her to pieces and she’ll happily have them in her bed if they get upset at night.

But it’s 3 nights. I can’t sleep now because I’m worrying about it. I don’t want to leave them and I know I won’t enjoy it. Dh and I are going through a bit of a rough patch and I’m not really looking forward to spending time with just him. And if I do get upset and am not suitably enjoying myself he’ll get stroppy and it’ll be even worse.

I know I’m being a brat but I just want to stay at home with dc’s and I know I can’t. Talk some sense into me please.

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 29/01/2018 00:16

Go and try to rekindle your spark with your husband and don’t worry about the kids. They’ll be entirely fine.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/01/2018 00:19

Go. Go. Go.

tararabumdeay · 29/01/2018 00:25

Just go. Your children will be fine. Then one day, when they're older, you can show them another world first hand.

MexicanBob · 29/01/2018 00:30

Go. The DC will be OK and you and your DH may find time away from home and DCs is what you needed.

greenlanes · 29/01/2018 00:31

I am going to NY soon. I havent been for over 20 years. I am going on my own, no children and am mega excited.

So perhaps we can chat about what you might like to see.

I am going to visit 9/11 Memorial - that's important for me. I lived near there and some people died from my company. So I am going to pay respects. That will be emotional.

I am then hoping to visit Ellis Island, The New York Library, go up the Empire State and see the Museum of mathematics! Also hoping to fit in a show. I would like to do something else off the beaten track - not quite sure what.

BlueMirror · 29/01/2018 00:32

It would be a bit far for me at those ages. Why didn’t you all go out of interest? NYC is fab for kids.
As it’s booked though you really should go. I’m thinking what I would do if I won a trip for 2 and if I had childcare I’d go.

Christmascardqueen · 29/01/2018 00:34

go. leaving them doesn't always get easier.

Allthewaves · 29/01/2018 00:37

You need to go even more so if your having a rough patch. The kids adore their granny so they are going to be fine

frozenlake · 29/01/2018 00:44

Leaving DC if you aren't used to it or haven't done it for while is hard regardless of age but you know they will be cared or and safe while you are away. It may be a good idea for you to spend some time with DH particularly if things aren't great at the moment.

TroubleinDaFamily · 29/01/2018 00:45

I went to NY, BC, I loved it.

Since then we have moved North...South x 4 our mortgage.........only just coming up for air financially... and available to do that sort of stuff again.

Point being.............. we watch New York based programmes (and similar) and go .....oooooooh I remember that.

Go

I can almost guarantee you won't regret going, but that you will in the future regret not going.

BashStreetKid · 29/01/2018 00:47

Go, and make sure you enjoy the trip from beginning to end, remembering that it's what you've always wanted to do, and secure in the knowledge that the children are having a great time with your mum.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/01/2018 00:55

For fuck's sake, STOP being so negative and paranoid. Your children will be just fine without you. You are VERY lucky to have this opportunity to go on an adventure with your husband and be able to try and reconnect as a couple. Don't ruin this chance with totally pointless worrying.

LinoleumBlownapart · 29/01/2018 01:02

Go and enjoy! Your feelings are completely normal, they and you will enjoy the reunion when you get back. You'll regret it if you don't go!

halfwitpicker · 29/01/2018 01:05

Can I go instead?

TroubleinDaFamily · 29/01/2018 01:07

I have just remembered the first time we left DS he was over four and under four and six months, we left him with my life long friend,we went to a wedding in the West Country, we were ten miles away from our home town and I texted my sister and said, ten miles down the A3 child free, and I have just remembered why I married him. It was so relaxed and happy.

Go

Go

And enjoy....

I promise , you won't regret it.

Crispbutty · 29/01/2018 01:07

Go! You can have fun, enjoy the time together, and take the kids some amazing presents back. And you can FaceTime them every day while you are away. They are going to be looked after and safe and no doubt spoilt rotten by someone you trust.

Stop worrying and enjoy your trip.

Plumsofwrath · 29/01/2018 01:11

Go. Your children will be fine, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about in that front.

At the same time, use this opportunity to (1) be your old self for a while (2) sleep lots (3) spend patient time with your DH and ask him to do the same, give each other the benefit of the doubt (4) have w change of scenery, which often helps A LOT.

Beeziekn33ze · 29/01/2018 01:11

DD and family stayed over in NYC on the way back from the West Coast, she'd worked there years ago. Back in UK she said how very much she wants to go again soon as she'd forgotten how great it is. You go and enjoy it!

Want2bSupermum · 29/01/2018 01:14

I think every couple goes through a rough patch when they have a child who is 15-28 months. The separation anxiety with you having endured at least a year of limited sleep makes everything 'difficult'.

I would go and on the Monday when he is working I would go get a mani pedi. Normally it's cheaper on mondays. Most places are $30-40 and you tip 15-20%. It's so relaxing as it's quiet before 12 on mondays/Tuesdays. If you can afford to spend more I highly recommend going to Bliss. Only been twice and it was lovely. I'm normally nipping out of work on Monday mornings at 11! I have a snooze while my feet soak.

stargazer2030 · 29/01/2018 02:26

Go. We went last year. I felt like you and my youngest dc was 10 at the time. All dc's guilt tripped us as we were going on our own. It was a special anniversary though and Dh really wanted to go.
I cried the night before and really went with a heavy heart BUT had the best time ever. Lover the place, had a fantastic time with dh. DCs were fine and have forgotten all about being narked about it.
Yours are young. They won't remember and they are with someone they lover and you trust. Go and have a wonderful time and hopefully get a bit of the relationship sparkle back.

Skowvegas · 29/01/2018 02:35

I'm at the other end of the spectrum - my daughter was in NY recently and I wanted to be there looking after her, but she sent me away.

It's amazing how fast things change. I'm sure she was a baby just a year or two ago.

I hope you have a lovely time. Give it a chance.

speakout · 29/01/2018 02:37

I wouldn't go.

Sorry- but my toddlers would be distraught.

FeralBeryl · 29/01/2018 02:44

OP they will be fine- they will love being spoiled by Nanny!
You will be so busy you honestly won't have time to pine for them.
I went (surprise birthday present) and it was only a couple of weeks after my Dad died.
I was reluctant to leave DCs and worried about putting on my grieving DM but it was the best thing for all of us.
One of the days- the 2 yr old wouldn't even come to the phone as she was 'busy' Hmm and just bellowed HIYA from afar.
The place is absolutely magical.
Make yourself a proper itinerary, book city pass, buy subway passes and enjoy yourself.

TroubleinDaFamily · 29/01/2018 18:04

Please tell me you are going.

HairBlues · 29/01/2018 18:08

Definitely go! Maybe it’s just a bit of pre-trip jitters. When you’re there there will be so much to do & see you’ll have a fabulous time.