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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex wants me to travel halfway for child contact

57 replies

Nitika2 · 28/01/2018 22:05

I hope someone can give me advice on this

My ex lives about 90 miles away and travels to see our daughter for six hours but now he wants me to travel halfway. I can not drive and travelling halfway means travelling with my daughter by public transport which I can not afford financially.

he said he will take me to court if I do not agree and I can not afford going to solicitors as well.

I have never caused any hurdle in their contact/relationship and always kept him updated regarding our daughters development/life but I cannot afford to travel after every two weeks.

He also pays child maintenance now...

Will court order me to take our daughter halfway, even if I cannot financially do it?

OP posts:
thirstyformore · 28/01/2018 22:06

Who moved?

RedTitsMcGinty · 28/01/2018 22:07

Who moved away? You or him?

TemptressofWaikiki · 28/01/2018 22:08

If he wants contact then the onus is on him to travel to see his child. He should move closer if travel is such an issue and he wants to be a hands-on parent. You should not be out of pocket over his access issues.

SandyY2K · 28/01/2018 22:09

Seek legal advice...but let him take you to court.

Have you told him you can't afford it?

Branleuse · 28/01/2018 22:11

it depends who moved. The one that moved away generally has to sort out the travel for access

NSEA · 28/01/2018 22:12

I doubt a court would order something you couldn’t afford. So I’d call gis bluff on this

Enidthecat · 28/01/2018 22:12

I would try to avoid court as they can and do order parents to do half the travelling each.

It seems silly if he can drive and you can't. Could he have longer contact time yo make it more worth while?

Original poster
Nitika2 · 28/01/2018 22:18

I moved to parents house when i was pregnant due to DV
Will it make difference? because last time the judge said its not good for our daughter to travel such distances, it was a year ago

OP posts:
Original poster
Nitika2 · 28/01/2018 22:20

SandyY2K
yes i told him i cant afford

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 28/01/2018 22:26

SandyY2K
yes i told him i cant afford

So is he expecting money to rain on you? .. I imagine the journey would take longer on public transport too.

How long had the current arrangement been in place?

Could you evidence that you can't afford it if required?

Original poster
Nitika2 · 28/01/2018 22:33

SandyY2K

He started seeing our daughter 13 months ago after her first birthday when i asked him to give consent to travel abroad.

Yes i can provide bank statements in the court.

I don't know if the judge will think its ok for our daughter to travel by public transport (changing two buses and a train to the location he is suggesting) in the morning

OP posts:
NapQueen · 28/01/2018 22:35

Domestic violence?

Id be insisting on contact centre if he is a violent man.

viques · 28/01/2018 22:37

How does he travel? 90 miles in six hours seems a long time.

Original poster
Nitika2 · 28/01/2018 22:38

yes it used to be in contact centre, the contact now has progressed to the unsupervised

OP posts:
Original poster
Nitika2 · 28/01/2018 22:40

viques
yes he travels and it takes an hour and half
but i can not afford the journey after every two weeks

OP posts:
Gide · 28/01/2018 22:40

If the contact is not court ordered, demand a contact centre given his violent behaviour.

Original poster
Nitika2 · 28/01/2018 22:40

he drives and has his own car

OP posts:
Original poster
Nitika2 · 28/01/2018 22:41

and his grandad lives in the same city where we live

OP posts:
viques · 28/01/2018 22:43

Oh sorry! I assumed you meant the 90 miles took 6 hours and I couldn't work it out!

rollingonariver · 28/01/2018 22:46

Could you talk to a solicitor op?

Aquamarine1029 · 28/01/2018 22:46

Fuck him. Do NOT let him intimidate you. Let the bastard go to court.

Fuckit2017 · 28/01/2018 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bellie710 · 28/01/2018 22:49

I would be very careful, this happened in our family my SIL moved about 4 hours away and completely refused to meet halfway giving my BIL an 8 hour drive to get his kids.
It had a very very bad affect on his kids and now they are older there is a lot of resentment.
She eventually had to meet him halfway but it took about 2 years.

bellie710 · 28/01/2018 22:51

Sorry think I mis read that thought the drive was 6 hours!

SandyY2K · 28/01/2018 22:52

So did he give consent?

Given his history...I don't see why you should be out of pocket.

He needs to sort out his travel arrangements.

Do seek legal advice though.