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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if I'm BU over my husbands hobbies?

56 replies

NotAnotherUserName5 · 28/01/2018 09:04

We have four young children, youngest 6 months.

He has a hobby he does one/two evenings per week, and most weekends he does competitions as part of a team. These are usually the whole day, 9-6pm or if local 11-4pm.
I'm a bit fed up of it. I'm at home with the kids, and I feel our weekends are dominated by his hobby.
Youngest is also a terrible sleeper, so I'm not getting a break.

AIBU here? He works mon-fri 9-5 and he doesn't see anything wrong with it.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 28/01/2018 09:06

No, not unreasonable. Life changes when you have children but it sounds like in his case life hasn't changed much.

I suspect the only way to illustrate this though is to tell him that you too have taken up a hobby which means you will be out of the house two evenings a week and a full day at the weekend and see how he reacts.

missymisdemeanor · 28/01/2018 09:06

So he spends 1/2 evenings and the whole weekend on his hobby and your hobby is cleaning and looking after the kids? Or course yanbu. These threads seem really common and I don’t understand why anyone puts up with it.....

Is it bloody cycling?

Quartz2208 · 28/01/2018 09:07

no he is

Sunnyjac · 28/01/2018 09:08

Totally unreasonable of him. You need a break and help too. I’m impressed you’ve got to four children and not divorced him! Nothing wrong with having a hobby but you sound like a single parent! He needs to cut this back and act like the family man he is

missymisdemeanor · 28/01/2018 09:08

You need a hobby. Perhaps the gym. I say the gym - I mean you can join a gym with a leisure suite and do 5 mins on the threadmill, 2 minus in the pool and then 3 hours of lying on a lounger snoozing!

PaperdollCartoon · 28/01/2018 09:09

When does he spend time with you and the children? Doesn’t look like there’s much time left for family. I definitely wouldn’t be happy with my DH spending that much time on a hobby. When do you get to go out or do anything?

Original poster
NotAnotherUserName5 · 28/01/2018 09:14

Yes, his come back is always I can get a hobby too. However, it's difficult with the youngest as she's still breastfeeding and extremely clingy.

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 28/01/2018 09:23

Yes and with a 6 month old who is BF he knows bloody well that you’re not going to go off for hours at a time. Perhaps you should do it one day at the weekend though. Book an all day activity - express a shit load of milk and head off at whatever time he normally goes out. Swan back in at the time he usually does - maybe take a shower because no doubt you’ll need it and then look expectantly for your dinner. See how serene he’s looking then about your “ hobby “

LadyBunnysWig · 28/01/2018 09:23

I know it can be hard when they're little but I don't think it's fair to try and stop him doing his hobby. All parents deserve a break

Sunnyjac · 28/01/2018 09:24

It’s not about you taking time away from the family, it’s about him needing to pitch in more. And when would you fit a hobby in with four kids including a baby?!

RadioGaGoo · 28/01/2018 09:30

Sounds like he gets a break most weekends LadyBunnysWig. OP is a parent - when is left for her break? He doesn't need to be stopped, just cut back. Sad he can't see that himself.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/01/2018 09:40

Was having four children a mutual decision?

BhajiAllTheWay · 28/01/2018 09:52

When are you meant to have time for a hobby when he's out doing his most of the time?Confused. He is selfish to have something that's all consuming. It's a fab way of escaping family responsibility though isn't it...

LadyBunnysWig · 28/01/2018 09:55

Radio, OP says he does it 1-2 evenings a week and on a weekend. To me it reads as if he does this one day over the weekend, albeit a full day.
OP can have a break on the other day, and the other evenings during the week.
I understand OP is breastfeeding however that was her choice to do. I breastfed and I wouldn't have dreamed of telling DH he also needed to give up x, y & z because I can't do it.

InspMorse · 28/01/2018 09:55

Training in week and competing at weekends? He has 4 DC ffs.
How does he feel about not being around/ looking after his family?

InspMorse · 28/01/2018 09:57

I agree about the BF though OP.
Express milk and go out yourself on the day he IS at home

Iggi999 · 28/01/2018 10:00

If he has one weekend day to do his own thing, and she takes the other day to make it fair - when do the dcs get to spend any time with their Mum and dad?

arethereanyleftatall · 28/01/2018 10:40

Iggi99,
The dc would be with their mum or their dad all the time.
I think as long as this is mutually agreed between the parents, (which it isn't in the ops case!), taking turns to continue hobbies when children come along is perfectly acceptable.

Iggi999 · 28/01/2018 10:48

You don’t think children like to be with both parents? Especially when there’s four of them, I am sure a lot of outings work better with two! What about things the children want to do - football, classes, parties - and there’s only one parent on duty? Every other weekend would be much fairer to all family members.

Partypopper123 · 28/01/2018 11:01

Very selfish of him, he knows full well you don't have time for a hobby. But if he's around one day a week you have time for a day off once a week, like a pp said express a load of milk and get yourself off out for the day, on your own.

LadyBunnysWig · 28/01/2018 11:19

Iggi every other weekend may not be doable. My DH plays rugby and if he isn't there every week, he'll be used as a sub/spare for the weeks he is there which means he won't really get any games so there would be no point in him going or paying his subs. He will obviously miss matches for the important stuff or if we're having a weekend away or something but typically he's out from midday until 6pm every Saturday.
When the weather isn't crap we will go and watch him play which is nice but I also love having time with just me and DS

Ginger1982 · 28/01/2018 11:20

You need to sit him down and have a serious chat. His priorities have to change.

Abracadabraapileofbollocks · 28/01/2018 11:25

Do take up a hobby. One evening of you not being available wont hurt any of the children and he will be struggling as it sounds as though he's got used to shirking all responsibility.
While he's still whinging about how hard it was have a serious chat about him manning up and putting his children and wife on a greater footing than his pasttime.

SenoritaViva · 28/01/2018 11:25

I really feel for you.

Can you sit him down and ask him to cut back while the children are so small? I presume it involves fitness so this may be hard! You need to communicate and come up with a workable solution!

AnyFucker · 28/01/2018 11:26

That wouldn't work for me

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