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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this abuse?

32 replies

MamaBearsBoys · 27/01/2018 23:29

When I was 13/14 I had sex with a friends dad. I just to go for sleepovers and creep downstairs when she was sleeping. I was a child yet fully compliant and knew what I was doing was wrong. But now I think he obviously groomed me and was/is a peadophile. What do I do? Forget it and leave it as I was complicit or report it and upset my parents.

OP posts:
CheeseFiend36 · 27/01/2018 23:35

Yes, you were underage and in the eyes of the law, he took advantage. I think you should report it.
How old are you now? Are you still friends with the girl or do you still see her dad?
You may want to report your post to MNHQ and ask them to put a trigger warning in the title

Putyourdamnshoeson · 27/01/2018 23:37

Yes it was abuse. Massive power imbalance.
Report.

Original poster
MamaBearsBoys · 27/01/2018 23:43

No I don’t still see the girl but her father is contactable on Facebook. I messaged him recently just to see if he would reply or if he would blank me and realise what he did was wrong. He has moved to another country but did reply. I just don’t know what to do, at the time I loved him so much, but looking back he was obviously grooming me.

OP posts:
thegreatbeyond · 27/01/2018 23:45

How would you feel about your 13 year old (hypothetical) daughter doing the same?

Bufferingkisses · 27/01/2018 23:47

Weird how there are two threads in active conversations with exactly the same title.

Bufferingkisses · 27/01/2018 23:48

Started at exactly the same time...

Bufferingkisses · 27/01/2018 23:48

By the same poster.

Original poster
MamaBearsBoys · 27/01/2018 23:48

I was 14. I think he was about 36 or so at the time.so it’s 25 years ago but I know he is still alive and living with his partner and her grandchildren in Portugal.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaBearsBoys · 27/01/2018 23:52

Bufferingkisses

I did not post this twice, and if I did it was a mistake.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaBearsBoys · 27/01/2018 23:58

If my parents were no longer here, i would report. But I really don’t want to upset them, I’m not damaged as such by this experience but I know it was wrong. I used to miss school to meet him at home or in a caravan. I wanted to have sex with him but I knew it was wrong.

OP posts:
TinaMena · 28/01/2018 00:01

Weird how there are two threads in active conversations with exactly the same title
This thread isn't mine!

Eatalot · 28/01/2018 00:04

He is a pedophile and won't change. He is a danger. Whats to bet you go to the police and other victims come out ro. He shoyld be in prison. Be strong.

APigInAWig · 28/01/2018 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IntelligentYetIndecisive · 28/01/2018 00:07

Ignore APigInAWig, FGS

Eatalot · 28/01/2018 00:07

A pig. In law a minor cant consent to see. Ffs he was 36. You think it was a one off. Like im not a pedophile this 13 was just so hot.

Eatalot · 28/01/2018 00:08

Sex not see

Original poster
MamaBearsBoys · 28/01/2018 00:08

This is the problem. I’m not emotionally affected but I would worry about any other children

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaBearsBoys · 28/01/2018 00:12

My children are boys and he is far away from them. But sometimes I think he should be punished. Other times I think it’s fine he loved me.

OP posts:
Eatalot · 28/01/2018 00:12

Im pretty sure you can talk it through with a specialist team with the police before you decide to make a formal statement.

EggsonHeads · 28/01/2018 00:14

Well you said that he was grooming you. Grooming in itself is abusive. What has he said on Facebook? Has he admitted in writing to what he did.

Original poster
MamaBearsBoys · 28/01/2018 00:17

I know what he did was wrong , I can remember hiding it and pretending I had went to school when really we were together. I remember various things and don’t know what to do. I went along with all of this but never agreed to the end game.

OP posts:
Stubbornmare · 28/01/2018 00:17

I was in a similar situation when I was 14. I knew what I was doing, I knew it was wrong, however I wanted to. I don't Know why tbh.

Now I'm an adult with my own children I can see exactly how wrong it is, how dangerous and stupid it was. How wrong that man was! I don't feel anger, but I am disgusted with myself.

I'm not in touch with the man.

OP if you report this you are opening a massive can of worms and lots of people will be affected by this. Think very carefully. Is he a threat to others?

Original poster
MamaBearsBoys · 28/01/2018 00:19

No he is far too clever for that. He asked me about my family etc. I could reply and talk to him but I don’t see the point.

OP posts:
mentalfluid · 28/01/2018 00:19

MamaBearsBoys in the eyes of the law definitely abuse. up to you whether you want to report? rape crisis might be helpful? or a simialr organisation

mentalfluid · 28/01/2018 00:21

similar, not simialr am fast approaching zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz time. took plenty diazepam on top of the usual so am a bit pumpkin-y

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