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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have intervened against another parents wishes?

48 replies

MardyMarie · 27/01/2018 22:15

At soft play today, two brothers were fighting. I recognise them from toddler group and have chatted to their mum on many occasions - they are aged 5 and 3. She was busy chatting so on the way to take DD to the toilet I mentioned to her that they were fighting in there and she just shrugged it off as 'what boys do.'

When we went back into the play area a few minutes later, the older brother had the hysterical younger brother pinned to the floor and was alternating between pulling his head up by the hair and smashing it on the floor and whacking him over the back of the head with a big soft play shape. I told him to get off his brother and that he was hurting him. He smirked and carried on, I looked over to his mum who shrugged and rolled her eyes. I couldn't listen to the poor little boy screaming anymore so I removed the soft play shape from the older boys hands as he raised it to hit him again and sternly told him to get off and leave his brother alone.

He went running off to his mum and she came over and said I'd understand more about boys when baby DS is older (my other DC are girls) and that the boys are capable of sorting disagreements out between themselves without my intervention Hmm

I know it wasn't really my place but the boy was being so spiteful and his poor brother looked terrified. Was I BU to ignore the mum and intervene?

OP posts:
LittleLights · 27/01/2018 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 27/01/2018 22:20

No, YWBU.
If I see one person really hurting another, I will intervene if I can safely.
Yes I have a ds. Yes, siblings fight. As a parent, one of your jobs is to let them know it is not acceptable to hurt one another. You have to teach them there is a difference between a bit of rough and tumble, and actually hurting someone.

EggsonHeads · 27/01/2018 22:22

I have two boys. The eldest is not allowed to so much as raise a finger against the younger. The youngest is of an age when he also gets a bollocking (not physical and age appropriate obviously) if he tried a to hit, snatch etc. Gentlemen sort out their disagreements verbally thank you very much.

Tistheseason17 · 27/01/2018 22:22

YWNBU. That's not play.

LaContessaDiPlump · 27/01/2018 22:22

DS1 does this to DS2 all the time. It is fucking not on and I tell him so!

She is kidding herself if she thinks that's good parenting. Her DS2 will grow up fearing his brother and her DS1 will be a right little shit.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 27/01/2018 22:23

How sad for the younger child to know that his own mother won't look out for him.

ohlittlepea · 27/01/2018 22:23

Sounds awful YWNBU

honeysucklejasmine · 27/01/2018 22:24

Eugh. Not ok. Well done for stepping in.

RickOShay · 27/01/2018 22:27

God well done. I have 2 boys and an older dd. Things can get physical but no way would i let that happen, if one hurts the other, he has to say sorry, give him a cuddle or cheer him up, which does not mean letting him punch you ds1

LouHotel · 27/01/2018 22:27

No doubt her oldest will be terrorising some poor kids at school soon enough.

I have more brother than i can count and it use to get rough in our house but my mum would go after them with a wooden spoon if an older brother when for a younger brother.

Mumofboys89 · 27/01/2018 22:28

Ywnbu at all

Reminds me of the time I stopped a boy of about 9 attacking his younger sister who was about 7 at soft play. He ran off to tell his mum about me and I got lots of dirty looks but he was really hurting her. The way he went about it made me think he was allowed to get away with it regularly too, poor girl

NoIdeaWhatToSay · 27/01/2018 22:29

The mother sounds pathetic, no that is not what boys do - it's what children do when they are taught that it's ok to do so. It's what children do when their parents are completely ineffective and stupid.

My DSs are 5 and almost 3, they do not behave like that because they know it's not appropriate. My nieces are 4 and 2, they do not behave like that because they know it's not appropriate.

It boils my piss when people attribute crap behaviour to the fact a child is a boy. It has nothing to do with being a boy.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 27/01/2018 22:32

YANBU at all. I have 4 dc, i can maintain a chat and watch my kids at the same time. Some people do class soft play as time off for them

ApproachingATunnel · 27/01/2018 22:38

I would have intervened if i saw 2 kids like that. You did nothing wrong. As an adult you are there to guide children and teach them right from wrong.
Your friend is not doing the job so you stepped in. Dont feel bad about it.

Poodletip · 27/01/2018 22:38

I have two boys, they argue like mad at times, but they do not physically hurt each other. I have never allowed it. I hate with a passion the "boys will be boys" attitude some people have.

BoffinMum · 27/01/2018 22:39

If it has gone feral it's OK to intervene. This sounds pretty feral.

LiamMyLiam · 27/01/2018 22:39

I hate it when mums let older siblings get away with being spiteful and violent to younger siblings. i have 0 respect for that sort of shit. YANBU.

thepatchworkcat · 27/01/2018 22:40

YWNBU. I hate all this boys will be boys stuff. My DS isn’t allowed to be violent!

BoffinMum · 27/01/2018 22:42

(Some woman gave me the 'you don't understand because you don't have children' lecture recently when I told her kids off for slamming and kicking public toilet doors much to the alarm of the stall occupants. I trumped her with the fact I have four, I am a qualified teacher, and I wouldn't let my children do that in a month of Sundays. My children, for once, were equally appalled at the kicking etc and actually egged me on to say something! )

QueenDramaLlama · 27/01/2018 22:46

YANBU
I don't know how some parents can watch their own children do this.

Idontdowindows · 27/01/2018 22:48

You were not unreasonable and I feel sorry for that young lad :(

Mrsmadevans · 27/01/2018 22:50

YWNBU OP

TinklyLittleLaugh · 27/01/2018 22:53

My sister has always let her two boys behave like that. At 12 the youngest is genuinely terrified of his 16 year old brother (who is twice his size) to the extent that he won't be alone with him. Poor kid has lots of mental health issues too, I imagine his brother is a factor. My sister just ignores it.

I have two boys and two girls, not perfect by any means, but thankfully none of them have ever even tried to hurt each other. My sister and I used to get really physical with each other when we were kids. It's horrible.

BlackberryandNettle · 27/01/2018 23:01

Ywnbu - weirdly I've seen two brothers like this at soft play, same sort of thing, the two brothers were attacking much younger kids though and mother stood by and ignored it. My ds isn't perfect and has lashed out a soft play, but he would be immediately told off/removed and has happened only rarely. These two brothers literally spent around an hour beating the other kids or each other. It's not normal to just ignore it and must have been terrifying for the smaller child, to be attacked and not have his parent intervene. It is possible for children to be abused by siblings.

Ssssurvey · 27/01/2018 23:01

Unfortunately when it comes to 'soft' play there are times you have to step in, as a poster upthread said you can get parents who believe it is latte and relaxation time.