Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop my mother calling my baby fat

33 replies

mintich · 27/01/2018 21:19

Today my mum called my baby fat. She is very looks obsessed and critical of people's appearance.
My daughter is only 8 months, but I really don't want her growing up in a world where she is being judged by her family.
When I was younger my mum would say I was too skinny or too fat.....not sure when I was the right weight!
My mum said I'm being ridiculous. Am I?

OP posts:
TheQueenOfWands · 27/01/2018 21:21

No. Nip it in the bud now.

Your mum is being a dick. At 8 months your baby can't understand, but eventually she will and it may cause all kinds of issues.

bridgetreilly · 27/01/2018 21:28

It doesn't matter what size your baby is, your mother should not be allowed to get into the habit of commenting on it.

Original poster
mintich · 27/01/2018 21:29

The stupid thing is she's 50th percentile so not overweight....so it didn't even make sense!!

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 27/01/2018 21:32

I get why you're upset but at 8 months fat would be a compliment. Chunky babies are the cutest.

mistermagpie · 27/01/2018 21:40

Is it a joke? My son is 10 months and really big (he's gorgeous too and not 'overweight' just has properly chubby arms and legs and a massive head) and we are always joking about the size of him. There is no malice or criticism intended and it's very affectionate. Is it that kind of thing or is she actually suggesting the baby is too fat?

If it's the latter then I think you need to put a stop to it now.

ApproachingATunnel · 27/01/2018 21:42

Im guessing your baby is a girl? Your mom has issues and needs to stop.

ApproachingATunnel · 27/01/2018 21:43

Oh i see it’s a girl:)

Aridane · 27/01/2018 21:44

I can’t tell whether it’s an endearment - I love podgy babies - or really off (given the back story)

steff13 · 27/01/2018 21:46

I think chubby babies are the cutest. I think it depends on what she said and how. If it was, "ugh, that baby is so fat," then that's inappropriate.

Original poster
mintich · 27/01/2018 21:48

I think as I know what she's like about appearance etc that I feel it's off. It's wasn't a squeeze and a "look at your chubby cheeks"
She prodded her stomach and said you're getting fat! When I complained she said I was as bad as my auntie who apparently also told her off for calling my cousin fat.
She then said it was a joke..then a compliment. I told her there are lots of words to choose as a compliment.
This followed her already having gone on about her "sticking out ears"

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 27/01/2018 21:48

Chubby,chucky etc is not a bad thing. They are adorable and I've heard parents and relatives alike referring to a baby as such.
If she actually said "DD is fat" and /or started making comments about what she eats etc then it needs nipping in the bud.

HateTheDF · 27/01/2018 21:51

If it were my DM saying that I'd be tempted to be a little bit rude and say that it must run in the family and I'd noticed she'd put a bit of weight on as well. But that's me.

She's out of order and it needs to be stopped now. When your little girl grows up and this continues it may cause issues.

RapunzelLetDownYourHair7 · 27/01/2018 21:53

Nip that in the bud now! If she was cooing over your baby saying how she's chubby and cute= okay in my book. But she is outright and seriously calling your baby fat and you know that she has issues over appearance. Tell her you don't want her commenting on your child's weight and you're very happy with weight of your child.

ThisLittleKitty · 27/01/2018 21:53

Whoops I said to my baby there's nothing more cute than a chubby baby.

KatnissMellark · 27/01/2018 21:54

I call my lovely DS fat all the time. He is chubby and I love it! You know the intention behind it, and it sounds like you should nip it in the bud if you feel it's negative.

kaitlinktm · 27/01/2018 21:55

She prodded her stomach and said you're getting fat! When I complained she said I was as bad as my auntie who apparently also told her off for calling my cousin fat.

I see a pattern emerging here - she just needs to stop commenting in a negative way on the children in her family. Now that two people have complained about it, surely she can see it's just mean and rude.

RapunzelLetDownYourHair7 · 27/01/2018 21:55

ThisLittleKitty I completely agree and think that is perfectly acceptable to say. The issue here is the OP's mother's attitudes towards appearance. I think calling a baby/toddler chubby and cute is fine.

Original poster
mintich · 28/01/2018 10:36

I think it was her dismissal as well that is so frustrating!!

OP posts:
RonaldMcDonald · 28/01/2018 10:44

Can babies be overweight?

I was desperate for a fat chub chub baby. Rolls and dimples.
I got scrawny chickens

Ignore

MagicWillHappen · 28/01/2018 10:49

I think you're thinking a little too much into it.

My youngest is 8 months and I call him fat daily. In a (use an excited high pitched baby voice for this) 'look at your fat belly, you're getting so big, I'm going to kiss your chubby tummy' (raspberries) type way.

EssentialHummus · 28/01/2018 10:50

You need to tell her that you find it hurtful when she comments on your daughter’s appearance, end of. Is she/was she like that about your appearance?

DressAndGo · 28/01/2018 10:53

Babies can be overweight - if formula fed.

Only you know whether that's likely and the centiles would confirm that.

Children can be fat.

Be honest with yourself (and it has nothing to do with your mum), which is it?

Nothing worse than an overweight child. But as I say, we can't tell you here.

PurpleRobe · 28/01/2018 10:55

Most babies are "fat".

Did she say it in a nasty or concerned way or just a fun "awww chubby fatty cutey baby" way?

BewareOfDragons · 28/01/2018 11:00

I would be very blunt with her: no more commenting on your child's weight, or your weigh for that matter. If she can't or won't stop, then she won't be seeing any of you until she can control herself.

It is damaging. She will be damaging your little girl if she is allowed to carry on. Stop it now.

RachelRosie · 28/01/2018 11:07

I could have written this post myself but my DD is 2 months older.

Yep, nip it in the bud now. I get that it is an endearment thing for most and when I get these comments off other people it doesn't grind as much, but in my eyes it's about breaking the habit for when DD is old enough to understand. There's also been comments about DD's love of food and "bingo wings" Hmm

I spent too much of my life being conscious of myself due to these sort of comments, I do not want the same for her.

I tend to counteract the negative comments with an alternative hoping to encourage DM rather than turn it in to a confrontation. E.g.
DM: "Oh look at those fat legs".... Me: "No, look at those strong legs".

So far this has worked, but if needs be a firm "Please do not talk to my DD that way" will need to happen.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.