I appreciate I may have done better to post this on relationships or the legal board , but posting for traffic .
Sorry for mine of information but I don’t want to drip feed .
4 year relationship . Very in love with him . Both divorced with D.C. . Spent holidays and weekends as a blended family . I loved his kids and they me .
Split January 2017 , my choice , as relationship became a roller coaster with ex dp continually changing his mind about future plans, not emotionally or practically supportive to me but expecting it from me .
It was done by me with a heavy heart .
I really tried but it was a one way street . Left me alone with miscarriage , when I suffered severe injuries in a car crash—- really seemed to have an empathy gene missing at times .
In his defence it was a difficult situation , him travelling constantly for work , me often accompanying him ( at his expense ) and my mum caring for my Ds and my neglecting my business .
His D.C. living in one country and Ds and I in another .
Plan was for Ds and I to relocate to where they were and set up home together . Viewed houses and schools together but they live in a very remote location with his ex wife in next street .
I wanted to live further towards the city maybe half an hour away tops so Ds and I could have a life and I could work in my profession but be near enough his D.C. could be with us when he wasn’t travelling for work .
His exw and he are extremely acrimonious. She was , I accept very hurt by him leaving her , but it was over a year before he met me .
Whenever I visited she was awful to me , going so far as to accuse me of sexually grooming their children to the school and local services .
His response was “ she is mental, ignore her “ but it really distressed the children . This was all “ swept under the carpet “ but his lack of support hurt me .
When we split in January 2017 I began dating somebody straight away . Was honest with ex about this . It was very much a rebound thing , was still in love with him .
He kept Ds and I on his company hr for travel and medical . Was still on my water bill and shared a bank account .
We talked regularly and said we would remain lifelong Freinds
I stayed in touch with his children on scype etc
My Ds father and ds have no relationship / contact ( a whole new thread ) as per a court order based on abuse issues .
However he is a high earner and is court ordered to pay maintenaince .
He stopped paying and broke the court order September 2016 .
This is an ongoing stressful , complicated battle through courts .. still ongoing
Ex dp did a kind thing ( at the time ) and lent me 15k to help me in march 2017
We drew up a loan agreement signed by 2 Freinds .
My intention was to repay him
In April 2017 I ended it with the guy I had been dating , went back to my ex dp . He wanted to make a go of it , was sorry for not being there for me etc etc .
We were good I thought . Things went back to normal , he loved me etc and was sorry for commitment phobia and past mistakes .
In June 2017 I was suddenly one night opening the door to the police .... arrested and charged with criminal allegations his ex wife put against me
I was arrested , put in a cell , felt degraded beyond words
I was released on bail
I became terrified , fell apart , had anxiety I can’t begin to describe . I was terrified of prison and terrified for Ds .
I rang then dp when I was released . He said the reunion had been a mistake and I was “mental “
From June 2017 til December 2017 when the charges against me were finally dropped my ex would hardly speak to me
When I did speak with him he told me he was moving on, didn’t want to be involved , was dating others , that lots of people had criminal records and it wasn’t his problem . I have never had a drink problem but I drank heavily through this time .
He told me if I didn’t stop contacting and “ guilt tripping him “ he would block me . He did block me — phone and email .
I was shown such incredible loyalty and support by my Freinds and family . I earn too much to qualify for legal aid . They lent me money for a top drawer barrister . I must and will repay them .
I am struggling still with my feelings
I still mad as it sounds feel love and loss over him .
I don’t want to be together but I want to be Freinds and I want to know I qualify for an apology for what I went through
I sent a letter to his ex forgiving her and making peace
I sent to one to him
His response is to send me threatening emails demanding I repay the loan ,
Am I obliged to given the legal costs I had to borrow ( it nearly matched the loan )