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AIBU?

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Original poster

To shudder at the thought of newborn visitors again...

50 replies

duckyquackers · 26/01/2018 22:03

I'm expecting soon and am already dreading the fun demands of 'newborn cuddles' hours/days after I've given birth. Relatives that you see about once a year max suddenly demanding a visit which from previous experience usually involves me and DH waiting on them hand and foot whilst they insist on playing pass the baby. I fucking hated it! The only ones that wouldn't do this were my parents.

I know people mean well and it's nice that they care but I honestly don't want gifts and I don't like visits straight away. Last time I had a serious 3rd degree tear and bad haemorrhage, I discharged myself early from hospital because I couldn't rest and I still couldn't when we got home. I felt like I was dying and I could barely sit down, yet was met with demanding messages from people asking when they were getting an invite.

Is it just my family that are like this? AIBU to withhold the announcement of birth until we are ready for the influx of visitors? Funny that they all pretty much disappeared once lo was a few months old Grin

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 26/01/2018 22:11

Just tell people you're not up to visitors when they ask. Get dh to tell people you're not feeling great and he'll let them know when you're up to visitors.
I do sympathise though, I had some similar experiences.
People might not be as interested in a second baby though.

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 26/01/2018 22:12

Keep the birth announcement quiet for a fortnight?!

Thistlebelle · 26/01/2018 22:13

Get DH to tell everyone except Grandparents to wait a few days.

Get DH to tightly manage Grandparents.

Absolutely do not run round after anyone. They’ll leave sooner if not offered tea and cakes.

annandale · 26/01/2018 22:14

Don't tell them you're pregnant? It's nobody else's business after all. If anyone notices and asks your due date, channel Bubbles from Ab Fab 'Who can say'

reallybadidea · 26/01/2018 22:15

Why not go to them? At least that way you're not expected to wait on them and you can choose the length of the visit ( ie short!)

Maatsuyker · 26/01/2018 22:16

My brother waited more than a week with telling most people that his daughter was born. They heard itsomehow anyway and ended up bombarding me and my mum with calls asking what was wrong.... so I wouldn't wait that long. But you can tell people that you are informing them the old fashioned way through cards with the birth anouncement, that would buy you 3-4 days of peace

reallybadidea · 26/01/2018 22:16

And you can choose to wait until you're feeling well enough.

megletthesecond · 26/01/2018 22:17

Yanbu. Tell them you are having a quiet fortnight after the baby is born. I did second time round and it was bliss just being able to pootle around in pj's, bf and watching junk tv.

Didn't care what they thought, I was the one feeding a newborn and recovering from a cs.

RemainOptimistic · 26/01/2018 22:20

Tell them to naff off. Seriously. What's the rush, people can cuddle the baby just as well at 6 weeks old or 6 months! Selfish wankers. A baby is not a toy or photo opportunity

Original poster
duckyquackers · 26/01/2018 22:20

Haha maybe it is being a bit extreme but they really were so pushy last time, I found it made me really anxious and terrified of the door bell going!!
Maybe it's just me but I didn't go anywhere or feel human for at least 2 weeks. The birth injury didn't help things and I'm hoping it won't be that bad this time. Going to them wasn't an option because I couldn't sit in a car for more than 5 minutes without serious vag pain!! Might be different this time though.

Last time it really did add a huge amount of stress

OP posts:
Wow1234 · 26/01/2018 22:21

Only your parents and siblings to visit in first two weeks and only for an hour or so. Simple. You just have to say no.

PinkyBlunder · 26/01/2018 22:21

Sounds pretty standard to me I’m afraid. I’ve had/having the same. Just say no.

why not go to them?

😂😂 funny. Because sitting in a car going every place under the sun when it feels like your insides are hanging out your vagina and you’re pissing blood everywhere is totally do-able!

Wow1234 · 26/01/2018 22:22

Ps don't answer the door and hide upstairs. You can always text later to say you were asleep. Take the battery out of the doorbell.

Chillywhippet · 26/01/2018 22:25

Put a note on your door, fb, answer machine:

We are resting. Please call back another time. We'll be in touch as soon as we are up to it.

TellerTuesday4EVA · 26/01/2018 22:30

Agree it's the last thing you want. My best friend has just given birth to her 2nd last week she said she hated the visits with her first so she's plainly said to people you can come but don't expect drinks/ to be entertained etc & if you're not being of any use while you're here don't bother. At first I thought it a bit harsh maybe but actually why the hell not. I went round yesterday, ironed all the eldests uniform & took him to the play park down the road for an hour then left with a bag of washing - small price to pay for the newborn cuddles. Use visitors to your advantage Wink

PeapodBurgundy · 26/01/2018 22:34

Come over all Mamma Bear and refuse visits for a set period of time. I wanted to with DS, but was too soft. The shit people have pulled since then, I no longer care if I offednd them, so I'll have visitors when we're all ready for them.

I'd love to keep the birth of number 2 quiet as well, but fat chance with my in laws. We told MIL that DS was born, came home a few hours later to find it posted all over Facebook. I still can't decide if I'm furious or heartbroken. Possibly both.

We've agreed MIL isn't finding out I'm in labour this time. We'll ring her when we're ready to announce properly.

tigertigerlion · 26/01/2018 22:37

I just bluntly said we weren’t ready for visitors yet, we’d be in touch in a few weeks 😂 no one seemed offended

treeofhearts · 26/01/2018 22:38

*Put a note on your door, fb, answer machine:

We are resting. Please call back another time. We'll be in touch as soon as we are up to it.*

Too wordy. I think "We're knackered, fuck off." is a bit more succinct?

HairBlues · 26/01/2018 22:38

A lot of visitors can be so entitled/selfish though!

Saying when it suits THEM to call and getting arsey if you suggest a time. They ones who just want to drop in on without any warning, "Oh we'll come to visit on Saturday, don't know what time as we might go for lunch first or maybe after but we'll see you then".... then you spend Saturday wondering if they'll arrive from 10am onwards...

Can't stand it myself, don't blame you OP. I do like visitors but it's just when people expect to be calling round as soon as you're over the doormat yourself. Especially if you are trying to get BF established. I dreaded visitors arriving when DC1 was due a feed as it was awkward, I struggled, I felt embarrassed about it all etc.

Just get your DH to put people off until you're ready.

HairBlues · 26/01/2018 22:39

HA tree! Wish I'd had the bottle to do that!

Daisydaisygivemeyouranswer · 26/01/2018 22:41

Yanbu.
Tell people you are having no visitors for two weeks. Lie about The date of delivery. Barracade the door if needs Be Grin
No you really aren’t being unreasonable. People have no consideration for what poor mum has been through and if she deserves any privacy whilst recovering/trying to breastfeed, all they care about is getting in to see the new born. Do what you need to do and don’t for one moment feel bad.

LadyCassandra · 26/01/2018 22:43

We live overseas so the first few weeks are lovely. Then baby-mad MIL books her 4 week trip and DH lets her. Then DM gets jealous and they come for at least 3 weeks and I wish we were back in the uk dealing with afternoon visits!!

Thissameearth · 26/01/2018 22:45

Absolutely reasonable! Apart from it being your tiny baby and your life, you’re recovering from birth (c section for me) and it’s completely fair enough. If you think about it, if someone said I’ll contact you when we’re ready for visitors it was all a bit of a whirr and quite stressful with visitors last time before you would say yes of course no worries! Anyone who takes issue with that isn’t really worth thinking about. Good luck with new baby

MumW · 26/01/2018 22:46

Put a sign on your door saying No visitors - please do not knock/ring - mother and newborn sleeping and just arrange for those you are happy to see to ring just before arriving at the agreed time.

Original poster
duckyquackers · 26/01/2018 22:53

Haha Tree I really wish I had the balls to do that! Grin

Thank you all for making me feel a bit more normal about it. The breastfeeding thing too was dreadful having to leave the room to sit somewhere uncomfortable and breastfeed without the usual 3 cushions under my vag on my comfy sofa was a nightmare!

Plus I just feel and look like shit. DH has a point in that c-sections and tearing is so common for childbirth now people forget that it's actually a major thing for your body to recover from. If it was any other kind of surgery not involving a cuddly newborn people would understand if you didn't want to play host hours/days afterwards.

OP posts:
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