To have completely lost sight of what a normal clean and tidy house looks like?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

I’m a bit all or nothing with housework tbf. But I hate it being untidy, it really affects my MH.

I’ve realised recently that I have no barometer for normal with it. Some days even when it’s as tidy as can be I wince at the ‘clutter’. So often I’ll think it’s looking great and then someone will come round and all I will see is piles of clutter and mess, bits of missed dust, fluff on the carpet.

When I’m really mired in depression I tend to think that it’ll never be good enough anyway so why bother.

I know this stems from growing up in a Show Home house, my mum loves cleaning, she cites it as her hobby and there is never a thing out of place in her house. She used to be very scathing about the state of my homes over the years. I’ve mainly addressed this with her, but it’s left a mark.

So for example, right now, there are a few toys stacked in the front room and a bottle of calpol left out, Dh’s jumper is on the arm of this sofa, the cushions are awry on the other sofa and I have a coffee cup on the table. This would horrify my mum (although she’d keep it to herself these days).

I tend to hoover when it needs doing, same with mopping. I’m usually happy to have ‘stuff’ visible, there’s a bag of stuff for the charity shop by the front door for eg and a pile of board games in the back room. But when I’m stressed I look at that and all I can see is clutter and dirt.

I suppose what I’m asking is what people think is ‘normal’? Like, if you visited someone new, what would be the tipping point for you to think, ‘oof what a tip’ rather than ‘ooh what a nice house’?

If it’s relevant, my house is only four years old and all the furniture is modern, so I think it’s less forgiving than an older house with antiques.

Anyway, hit me with it. What’s your plimsoll line for ‘midden’?

I don't like in a show home but I think we are pretty clean and tidy. I make the beds every morning, run the hoover round most days, the dishes get done as soon as a meal is over and surfaces wiped etc.. I do all the bathrooms roughly twice a week and tidy away the kids toys every evening. However there are always a few bits out - in transit so to speak.
There is a small pile of clean laundry on the stairs heading up, my daughters drawing book on the coffee table, the sofa hasn't been plumped this morning and someone seems to have done a number on my window-sil (I only noticed this morning that my ornaments have been shoved aside to make way for some small child toys!) My lunch dishes are by the sink (I will do them in a moment).

Your house sounds very nice and very normal!

I think rather than look for other people's normal, create your own? Growing up my mom never used to clean at all - I now realise she was depressed. So me and my sister's used to do it between us because we couldn't stand it.

Subsequently we've all ended up a bit OCD especially needing to smell bleach or zoflora. I've had to let go because I'm studying so I now limit myself to a few hours at the weekend for routine cleaning jobs. I then plan in my diary for deep cleaning e.g. defrosting the freezer or cleaning the oven.

I like a house to looked lived in, clean and tidy but toys out, unwashed dishes from lunch etc wouldnt bother me in the slightest.

If I'm visiting a house for the first time, I think the only thing that would make me go "oof" is if it was filthy, especially if the bathroom was dirty. Other than that, untidy doesn't bother me, people have lives they live and not always have the time to tidy up. What matters is to feel comfortable and welcome. then again I am not very keen on chores myself so I might be biased

I often wish I was the sort of person who did things to a schedule, but I never get into the habit. I tend to do a big clean once a week and then just bits and bobs as I go. I don’t think I’ve ever had every room clean and tidy at the same time though.

My mother hoovers twice a day and never ever leaves the washing up. I tend to think life’s too short for all that but then equally I think living in relative chaos is exhausting as well.

I’ve got friends with beautiful homes full of stuff, but when it comes to my house my stuff looks like clutter. And I’m not sure if that’s just my skewed perception or that their houses are just tidier than mine.

You'd hate my house at the moment. We have been having building work done. There is stuff oiled all over the place where it shouldn't be. It is filthy, dusty and I can't get it properly clean. It is massively stressing me out.

I grew up with hoarders and hate clutter as a result. But I will never get to 'show home' standard. I prefer lived in.

I'm the opposite of you OP, in that my sister and I never realised that we didn't just do some chores, we did absolutely EVERY bit of cleaning in our parent's house, even changing their beds. Now my mum has a slightly sniffy attitude to my 'immaculate' home (it's not, by the way).

Like a PP said, do what your comfortable with, and don't beat yourself up to meet someone else's ideal. I definitely like a clean and tidy home, but on the other cleaning thread, people were mentioning multiple vaccuums a day, which would bore me rigid and I would just never be that invested!

One thing I would try to do is to have a good deep clean now and then, or pay someone else to do it. Ingrained grime is what makes me feel uncomfortable in a house personally. (Somehow I'm still the only one who cleans the toilets in my parent's houses, and I only visit every couple of months).

Yet and prioritise the kitchen especially if you use the back door as your usual entrance.It makes such a difference if the kitchen is clean and tidy I don't know why maybe it's just me

When you say "clean house" or "deep clean" does that include wiping internal doors, skirting boards, around light switches etc?

Kitchen and bathrooms are (usually!) clean and tidy. My bedroom is usually a disaster zone of clean and dirty washing and random stuff. Although weirdly I always make the bed.

It’s really just the living areas I lose sight of, especially the back room which is the kids’ tv room and general dumping ground.

I clean doors and switches weekly when I do a big clean. Everywhere is white and I have three sticky kids and a dog so it shows every mark.

I'm with you, I don't like seeing clutter around and in fact I generally am jealous when I visit people who seem content with it.

In particular, I can't deal with seeing things on my countertop that aren't officially designated countertop items, e.g. the fruit bowl, cutting board, etc.

I do feel a bit anxious when I see permanent stacks of things that really should be put away at other people's houses, which I know is a bit weird.

Sounds like my house - its fine. My mum might comment but in response Id point out the hoover/mop

I don't like leaving things to later (dishes, washing out etc). It just plays on my mind.

Clutter is annoying but inevitable with kids. I am riding it out breath after breath!

Every week, OP?

Jeepers.

In my group of friends my house is the untidiest , there is clutter, piles of stuff to be dealt with, too much stuff generally - and too little time - it is clean - it gets dusted and hoovered and mopped. It is not "deep clean" - the walls/skirting/switches etc don't get wiped down every week.

BUT... my house is the one that is gravitated towards - where we all decamp for coffee, where the kids all get together - initially playing together on the carpet in the living room as toddlers, now as teens all in the spare room playing music together.

My kids tell me it is because I don't care if a drink gets spilled, there is no drama over a knock on a wall or a scuff on the floor, I don't get them to put their glass in the kitchen the minute it is empty.

I have no anxiety seeing the stuff of life out in other people's homes, I like to see a pile of books or papers, and often wonder where people stash their laundry etc - when it is waiting to be ironed for instance.

You could have performed surgery on my mum's kitchen floor it was so clean.

I've always lived by the mantra 'clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy'. My kid's grew up just fine and never came down with the plague so I guess I did OK.

My DM is meticulously tidy to the point of OCD and cleans all day everyday it seems, I am not.

I have a cleaner fortnightly because I can't bear my own untidiness and she deep cleans various areas each time.

I do have a dishwasher though so never have dirty dishes lying around.
I am obsessed with a clean bathroom though and toilet so always clean those everyday, bizarrely.
I have messy areas like my work/study space, although there is a place for everything and art and crafts space for my DD in the kitchen (although it gets put away after in drawers)
I am told I have a nice tidy house but compared to some of my friends I know it is not of the highest standards lets say.

It is however a very warm, cosy, relaxing house for entertaining and chilling out.

I do make everyone who walks through the door take their shoes off.

Your post cheered me up sooo much... the plimpsol changes daily. I feel like I never stop doing housework and never really get on top of it, occasionally go mad and it seems pretty pristine to me, but it suffers from the wear and tear of high traffic and all needs fixing and repairing.and by the time I've cleaned and tidied there's no time for grouting, I learnt quite a bit from Flylady and its much better than it used to be but. It will never be classified as pristine but then I'd rather the DCs and their friends were able to relax. It can always be tidied again afterwards.

TBH I don't like going to somebody's house to find lots of clutter and dust. It feels like they couldn't be bothered to tidy before I came. I always do a quick Hoover of hall, stairs, living room, kitchen, bathroom (the bits they'll see) put toys away and wipe surfaces, air the house. Our downstairs is open plan so a stack of washing up is noticeable.

Every evening I put stuff back in its places, wipe surfaces.

I think the living room and hall are the most important places to keep tidy and welcoming. Get good storage. It's off putting to see a big pile of coats and shoes when you enter a house, or be stepping over toys/moving clothes in the living room.

We have a coat and shoe cupboard. Not that anyone ever uses it...

I always do tidy and clean before people come round, but then I start noticing things when they’re here and thinking omg they must think I’m a slob.

When I first knew my now best friend,she came to my tiny cluttered flat and said oh thank fuck you live in chaos like me! She lives in a huge listed house full of lovely things. We now live in a decent sized 4 bed and although I don’t think we’ve got more stuff since then we’ve managed to fill the space.

Unwashed plates anywhere but the kitchen is a little rank but on the whole, I wouldn't care how messy your house was as long as it didn't smell bad.

I always do tidy and clean before people come round, but then I start noticing things when they’re here and thinking omg they must think I’m a slob. The most they'll think is "thank goodness she's not obsessive about housework, I'll be able to invite her round to mine".

For me, I would like the toilet pan, washbasin and hand towel clean. Kitchen can be untidy with un-done washing up, provided it looks as if nothing has remained unwashed for more than about 24 hours. Everything else can be waved away with an airy "sorry it's a bit of a tip but I've been having a big clear up" ... but it helps if there aren't obvious cobwebs linking the piles of clutter together.

Oh God I’m always falling down somewhere! If I’m on top of the housework, the washing is piling up. If all that’s sorted, the garden is starting to look scruffy; if that’s fine, then the car needs a wash. It’s NEVER done! Your house sounds fine OP.

meredintofpandiculation

That’s so true. If I visit a new friend and their house is immaculate I feel like they’re going to judge me when they see my mess and clutter, so I never invite them round, unless I’ve done a deep clean, which isn’t very often! If I go to a friend’s house and it’s pretty untidy, I will happily invite that friend over to mine for coffee at short notice, happy in the knowledge they won’t be judging my mess!