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AIBU?

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Original poster

No heating or hot water, was this an unreasonable suggestion

39 replies

happygirlie18 · 26/01/2018 08:50

So we have no heating & hot water as the boiler has decided to break. I happen to be on annual leave today so sitting waiting for British Gas to come round. We also have DD who is 23 months.

Boiler broke yesterday. The repair people could have come round yesterday but I had to work and DH finished nights in the morning and refused to stay up and wait for them. If it was just me and DH it wouldn't be an issue but as we have DD I was worried she would be cold (ok not the coldest night of the year) so I had said to some people at work if we had no heating etc that I may consider going to stay with DD at my parents-in-law.

We managed to get the boiler part working in the evening so managed to give DD a bath and it wasn't cold. When I said to DH that if it had got worse I would have stayed at his parents he went crazy, said it was the most stupid idea ever and that I was totally over reacting! And that he would have been really upset if I had of done that (for the record I'm really close to my parents in law and it wouldn't have been an issue for them)

DH worked again last night, the house was like an ice box and DD wouldn't sleep from 0130 - 0430 in her bed only on me so I think she was cold despite having fleece pyjamas on and her quilt. She is quite a bad sleeper anyway but has had a really good week so could have been coincidence. I messaged DH this morning (he worked again last night) he said oh well she'll have to get used to it.

Hopefully British Gas will be here soon and no harm done but his attitude just really annoyed me and I really didn't think it was such a bad suggestion!

OP posts:
SavageBeauty73 · 26/01/2018 08:52

He sounds like an arsehole.

NoSquirrels · 26/01/2018 08:53

FFS what a ridiculous thing fir your DH to worry about.

Of course he’s being unreasonable. If you can go to a warm house who are happy to have you, then why wouldn’t you?

Your DH is feeling guilty he didn’t prioritise waiting up fir the boiler repair and doesn’t want his parents to judge his decision...

SirWibbles209 · 26/01/2018 08:55

Your DH is a dick.

FluffyWuffy100 · 26/01/2018 08:57

He sounds a dick.

It is a good idea to have a fan heater, or an oil filled radiator or some other portable heater in case you need it.

ladybirdsaidneveraword · 26/01/2018 08:58

His reaction doesn't make sense- going to stay with your PIL with a small child in those circumstances sounds sensible to me! I took my daughter to my parents when we had no heat and water one year, my DH wasn't at all bothered. (Mind you.... we had no heat because he had forgotten to order more oil and the tank was empty... maybe he just knew it wasn't wise to complain!)

Angelicinnocent · 26/01/2018 08:59

Don't understand his problem. Pil would probably have enjoyed your company, DD would have been warm and having fun, you would have been warm and ( if they are like my mil was) getting spoilt a little bit.

Not like you were suggesting he sits at home cold and alone, he was off in a nice warm workplace.

Conclusion - he's being a dick for the sake of it!

Evelynismycatsformerspyname · 26/01/2018 09:00

He said "oh well she'll have to get used to it" Confused So he can't miss sleep to wait up for the repair person, but you can miss sleep because your daughter is too cold to sleep?

StarShapedWindow · 26/01/2018 09:02

Your suggestion was normal, your DH is very strange to want you and DD to stay in a cold house when you had another option.

gamerwidow · 26/01/2018 09:02

What a ridiculous over reaction from your DH does he normally react like that if you want to go somewhere without him? Your DH should want his wife and child to be comfortable and safe not kicking up a fuss because your not all in the house together.

Cracker09jacker · 26/01/2018 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShastaTrinity · 26/01/2018 09:04

Of course he's ridiculous, many adults would have done just that, even without a child. Why on earth would he be upset if his child stays at his parents? It doesn't make any sense.

If your house is that cold and you are used to have the heating on at night in your bedrooms, I would have taken my daughter in bed with me to keep her warm.

Cornettoninja · 26/01/2018 09:05

I genuinely don't see the issue with stopping with your pil Confused

Heating is one thing but no hot water is a pita and not very hygienic really, especially if you're dealing with nappies.

You all get on so what's the issue? Ego? If your boiler isn't sorted today I vote you just go there anyway (pil permitting obviously).

Isetan · 26/01/2018 09:08

Why would you prioritise the ‘feelings’ of an adult over the physical well being of a child? I suspect this is not the first instance of your H being a wanker, balls in your court because he won’t see past his own ego.

MiltonPennyFather · 26/01/2018 09:08

I would have minded. I hate being cold, and I like to have hot water to wash my hands etc. And you can't clean the kitchen properly, or dry washing etc. Whilst not the end of the world, it does impact your life.

It just wouldn't bother my DH to live like that for a few days.

Original poster
happygirlie18 · 26/01/2018 09:18

Thanks for all the replies.

No this isn't the first time his decisions have made me wonder what on earth what he is thinking and in all honesty is a the last in a long line of things that have been wrong for a while. His biggest issue at the moment is that DD doesn't sleep. She is sometimes up every 2 - 3 hours, sometimes 4 -5 hours. I do all the night wakings as he works nights and he is a bad sleeper as well. When I tell him in the morning she hasn't slept well his answer is 'well if you'd of done something before we wouldn't be in this situation now!' meaning he thinks I should have left her to cry it out which I have tried and DD just screams herself sick so I refuse anymore. SO i wasn't totally surprised by his lack of caring about having no heat I guess.

OP posts:
therealposieparker · 26/01/2018 09:22

What a selfish baby your H is.

Queeniebed · 26/01/2018 09:24

He sounds like a moron. Both our sets of parents would have flung open our doors for us if we had just mentioned the problem with the heating - our boiler is being erratic with hot water so baby has had a lovely bath but as my bath turned out to be ice cold water I elected for a wash and am going to the gym later to use their showers. If our heating was affected baby would be in our bed and I would hang around my parents for the weekend

Deux · 26/01/2018 09:30

Goodness me, what a prat.

I wonder if he’s taking your suggestion of going to PIL as a judgement/criticism of him?

Eryri1981 · 26/01/2018 09:31

As someone who worked nights for 10 years your DH is not being unreasonable to not want to stay up between two nights shifts regardless of you or your daughter...depending on what his job is doing so could be detrimental to his employment if he screwed up through tiredness and at worst could be genuinely dangerous.

However, he is being unreasonable about you and DD going to stay with PIL particularly if they are happy to have you, would be a nice break for you, fun for your daughter, irrelevant to DH as he is on nights, and warm!!

WorraLiberty · 26/01/2018 09:33

He sounds like an idiot

But why have you not got a portable heater for if/when this sort of thing happens?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 26/01/2018 09:35

Hi was BU by making a big deal of your suggestion. Staying with your in-laws would have been perfectly reasonable. He probably felt that you were trying to guilt him for not staying awake all day to wait for the gas engineer (which IMO he was reasonable not to do).

However, unless you are in Scotland, last night really wasn't cold and your daughter would not have been cold in bed after a hot bath, with warm pyjamas and blankets, so I probably wouldn't have kept harking on about her poor sleep in the morning.

Are you getting on each other's nerves generally at the moment?

Original poster
happygirlie18 · 26/01/2018 09:36

Eryri1981 I do understand this, he has worked nights the 12 years we have been together so I get that he would be tired, however the call out was between 2pm and 6pm so he would have a decent sleep in the morning (more than I normally get haha!) and is generally awake by 2pm anyway so it wouldn't have been changing his pattern too much.

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 26/01/2018 09:39

We had a similar situation when DS was under 2: we basically ran out of heating oil so had no hot water or heating 'til delivery turned up. Wasn't so bad for us as it was March time, but PIL live close by and we were considering going there for a couple of days. My DH thought it was a good idea if DS seemed distressed. Can't imagine what your DH's problem is!

mommybear1 · 26/01/2018 09:39

Ynbu frankly I'd be more peeved that he wouldn't stay up for the repair man!!! What a gent leaving effectively his whole family in the cold!! I'd be livid and go to pil until he can bother his arse to sort the repairs!! WineCake for you OP.

Original poster
happygirlie18 · 26/01/2018 09:39

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha I didn't hark on about her sleep, he asked how she slept I told him, I didn't mention anything about it being because she was cold and that was when he started telling me if I had done things differently she would sleep (he has said this on many occassion!)

But yes we are generally getting on each others nerves at the moment, well for the last 22 months really since DD arrived. There are a lot of other issues going on.

OP posts:
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