AIBU to think my friend, and people in a similar situation should pay some of their benefits back?

[SortedSue]

I’m not jealous, I’ve got a good job and money which I’ve worked for.

I’ve know someone who has been working part-time through choice and playing the system, who has inherited a lot of money.

She’s not broken the law, she’s told the DHSS and signed off. She’s bought a house outright, paid her pension contributions up to date, and made some investments to give herself an income. But she’s stopped working completely so she’ll never pay tax and put anything back.

And I think that’s fucking wrong.

Wow.

We live on one wage and struggle so I can totally see where this jealousy comes from. I look at friends going off on holiday with their nice cars and I’m jealous because I can’t work. If my parents died tomorrow my life would change over night and we would be comfortable. We’d probably buy our council house and extend it but as much as we are struggling I’d still rather my mum was at the end of the phone when my kids are being little sods or my dad was at the end of the phone when I want to chat about stuff on the news or something I’ve been studying he’s been interested in. I enjoy holidays and Christmas spent together, i wouldn’t give that up.

Some people have, some have nothing. That’s just how life is, accept it or let it eat you up, I know which choice I’d make

Ah, forgot, only rich people are allowed good fortune. Poorer people aren’t permitted a little luck, particularly if it makes them better off than the person next to them.

When you think you’ve read it all, there’s always more.

Woah there cowboy @ petbear . Have a big spliff. Cool those jets.

Totally agree! I’m praying I don’t have a ‘friend’ who’s so into my life that she goes onto a Internet forum and cries foul of a ‘friend’. From what youve said, she has stopped the benefits and made some sensible choices. That’s awesome! Why would you focus on passing a moral judgement regarding your opinion of her entitlement to those benefits? Your post is not only Jealous - it’s malicious, arrogant and nasty! .

Why not be a ‘friend’ and celebrate the end of whatever circumstances that led her to needing benefits? Or standing by her whilst she grieves?

Most people who have had to deal with hardship become some of the most compassionate people in our society- only too willing to help and those who need it. Would you propose those that do good ask for tax-relief 🤦🏼‍♀️

You do know that some people lose relatives they love and don’t inherit a Bean? So the “They would rather have their loved one alive” is not a compelling argument. People with poor relatives who leave debts not legacies behind would rather have their relatives alive too...

It is no wonder that inheritance makes people feel bitter. It reflects the full weight of unfairness in a society with massive class division to do with the sheer dumb accident of birth, and exacerbates growing discrepancies between the rich and poor. Inheritance just drive the wedge deeper. It is utterly an unearned, anti meritocratic, and, frankly, not fucking fair institution designed to keep wealth within bloodlines.

If someone in a council house won the lottery should they have to pay their rent back?

What? Pay and rent are a couple of clues. How can one pay one's rent back?

Meh, benefits are there for when you need them. You don't then pay them back if you become better off. And pay back to who? "Here's a cheque for the benefits I was entitled to when I was worse off" what a martyr.

We all pay tax every time we buy something- VAT.

Life is a lottery and the luck falls where it may. I have observed in life that resentment and jealousy are toxic and can ruin a life and a character so try not to give in to them even when things seem (or are) unfair.

I know two people who are very jealous of me because they think I am ‘rich’ as if I had been given money instead of just working my backside off when they were having an easy time and I was saving when they
were splurging on ephemera. They have become very embittered over it.

I have been in a situation where I was amongst the super rich mothers of my children’s friends when I had only the modest income of a
teacher. I never let myself get jealous as it could have poisoned my life envying what I couldn’t have.

Don’t focus on others. Look at your own life and work out what it is that makes you happy and contented. You will find that it usually isn’t money but health, family and friends.

Of course no one is lucky that a much loved relative has died; but they ARE lucky that that money was available.

Someone I know has just lost her father at 18. It's horrific and I'm sure she'd much rather have him alive than the 100k-ish she's about to inherit. Nevertheless, it's lucky that that money is available - she'll be in a position to e.g. have a sizeable house deposit, pay off her uni loans etc. Things that many of her peers won't be able to do. She's lucky to be able to do that, though of course, the means by which it has come about is pretty awful.

Ok - so what about this?

I am on benefits - due to a marriage breakdown after years of domestic abuse. I have 2 children of primary school age. I choose to work part time so that I can be there to pick up and drop off my kids at school without a need for childminders. I work in a school so that I can be there during school holidays.

I get tax credits, housing benefit and child benefit. I get a small amount from my ex husband - but he does not see the children so I have to feed and provide for them 24/7.

If I came into some money, which meant that I could set myself and my family up for life and come off benefits entirely - would you expect me to pay back the benefits I had received?

Bearing in mind that I worked full time constantly for 18 years before I gave up work during my marriage? During that time I paid national insurance and tax.

I still pay tax now - on all the things I buy.

I will not be offended by opinions because I am genuinely interested in people's take on this - I can prepare myself if I ever get a windfall!

Hi Davegrohl my take on this is that of course you should not pay back anything if you ever receive a windfall (fingers crossed).
The only people who should pay back benefits are the ones who are not entitled to them in the first place but you are!

No (in answer to original question).

She received those payments to help her live whilst she was in different circumstances. It wasn't a loan.

I still can’t believe their is a thread on someone doing the right thing?

She’s not broken the law, she’s told the DHSS and signed off. She’s bought a house outright, paid her pension contributions up to date, and made some investments to give herself an income.

Surely she will pay tax on that income.

You sound bitter. Glad your not my friend.

Wow

I don't think she should.

I saved money living at home on benefits but during that time I applied for job after job after job and didn't get a break because I was unemployed I guess, and the longer that gap goes on for the more unemployable you become it seems. I read comments on online fora from people who could hardly construct a sentence without errors never mind think constructively or compassionately. They grudged people like me the money that I used to build a future not reliant on benefits and ........... I sometimes grudge them with their limited thinking and shit level of written English their secure job and salary. It seemed EQUALLY as unfair to me that these deeply flawed people had a secure job that paid enough to make working work. Stupid people too obtuse to realise that the family was a more successful economic unit and that they were in a different situation to me, single parent on benefits not working if it meant working for minimum wage and still having to pay somebody to look after my children. I would have been operating at a loss and yet there were some people in secure jobs, married, with two reasonable incomes who claimed that they didn't understand that. Strangers of course. Nobody would ever be so offensive to your face!! I bet your civil to your friend's face! God, just shows you, you never know what vile resentments lurk beneath a smile! I do quickly recognise the type of person who needs (actually needs to have a rung beneath them). They need to be able to identify a layer of society beneath them who is having it HARDER than they are, in their martyred opinion, even though they may supposedly have a good marriage, a Dad to their children, be half way through their mortgage with a good career! Some of those people would grudge you the benefits that kept your children off the street! Ah well, nowt so strange as keyboard warriors

She's played within the rules of the system.

Its a very broken system!

Wow! I sincerely hope you aren't my friend. You're clearly not a 'friend' to you friend either are you? What a bitter and jealous person you are. A true friend wouldn't complain about someone else on an internet forum, they'd be happy they'd finally found their feet!!

I really hope one day that you fall flat on your arse and have the need for benefits, then when you get a 'lucky break' you have to pay every penny back. I'll be sitting here laughing at your post that says 'I've come into some money and have to pay all my benefits back that I claimed properly and legally, AIBU?

I'd love to know what system others are 'playing' though. I work part time in a school (13 hours a week) so no childminders/holiday cover needed, my husband works full time 40 hours a week. We live hand to mouth most months, but aren't entitled to a penny of anything other than child benefit, which is spent completely on my son. If there is a way to legally claim some extra pennies that I don't have to pay back, point me in the direction of them . I've worked since I was 15 years old, and paid income tax. I worked full time until I had my son in 2009 (24 years old) when I went part time. The only benefits I claimed were for 2 months JSA between August and October when I was made redundant and looking for work. Would you expect me to pay that back now I have an income? or just if I'd had a windfall?

I'd tell her to inherit some better friends if I were you! How horrible, bitter and unsupportive of you. Mind your own business! Maybe when they get over the loss they have just endured, they may look at getting themselves straight again!

I think @petbear needs more than a spliff 😂😂😂😂

What a stupid argument.
Follow it logically and only those who pay the most tax should be allowed to keep any inheritance.
All the low tax rate plebs who use the NHS and state schools shouldn't be allowed to keep any extras.

Of course you aren't jealous OP.
Not a bit.

petbear your losses do not make what you wrote about 'lucky breaks' any less shit.

Should parents have to pay child benefit back once their finances improve after the kids have grown up?