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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my friend, and people in a similar situation should pay some of their benefits back?

181 replies

SortedSue · 25/01/2018 18:32

I’m not jealous, I’ve got a good job and money which I’ve worked for.

I’ve know someone who has been working part-time through choice and playing the system, who has inherited a lot of money.

She’s not broken the law, she’s told the DHSS and signed off. She’s bought a house outright, paid her pension contributions up to date, and made some investments to give herself an income. But she’s stopped working completely so she’ll never pay tax and put anything back.

And I think that’s fucking wrong.

OP posts:
ToftyAC · 26/01/2018 17:32

We all pay tax on nearly everything we buy. She’ll more than likely have paid stamp duty on her house purchase and VAT on the coveyancing fees. She’s brought her pension contributions up to date, which is NI. She’ll also be paying income tax on her investments. YABVU.

Alidoll · 26/01/2018 17:40

And...none of your business.

If it were you then by all means, hand back every penny and feel all
smug and self righteous about it...but I somehow seriously doubt a penny would leave your bank account if the shoe was on the other foot.

3out · 26/01/2018 17:55

‘I’m not jealous, I’ve got a good job and money which I’ve worked for. ’

Have you any idea how bitter this sounds? ‘I’ve worked for my money’. If you’re terribly ‘lucky’ then you too might lose someone close to you, and who leaves you their estate.

Emmageddon · 26/01/2018 18:05

This is what pisses me off about threads like these. Someone posted about a person they know getting three inheritances in 7 years.

That's 3 fucking bereavements.

I would rather my family stay alive and well for a long time yet, than die prematurely so I can inherit whatever is left and live the life of Riley.

cansu · 26/01/2018 18:18

Basically OP you are envious and it would be better to be honest with yourself about this. Your 'friend' claimed what she was entitled to and when she came into this money she stopped claiming. You really have nothing to moan about other than the fact that you are jealous!

Isitwise · 26/01/2018 18:29

She claimed what she was entitled to. I am single and work part time, in a decent job. Whenever I’m not at work I have my child. I receive tax credits. I receive £22 housing benefit a month too. Because without it I couldn’t live day to day.

8 years ago my ex and i bought our first home, both worked full time and brought in 45/50k between us. He was mentally and physically abusive. So I walked.

I earn 14k in total from my job and benefits, it’s not necessarily a choice OP, certainly not one that I would willingly make.

Good for your friend for the way in which she has dealt with the inheritance

Gacapa · 26/01/2018 18:31

Fucking hell. A woman loses her grandmother, mother and brother over seven years and that's somehow LUCKY?!

TattyFrench · 26/01/2018 18:45

My mum and dad died recently. How fucking lucky am I!!!

Letsmaketheworldbetter · 26/01/2018 18:50

You sound VERY jealous! Be happy with your friends new fortune

Sparklesocks · 26/01/2018 18:57

I don’t even know if you CAN pay benefits back, you can’t exactly waltz into the job centre with a cheque.

As others said, she had the help when she needed it, she stopped when she no longer needed it. It would be a different story if she was still claiming fraudently.

Also it’s a bit of a slippery slope - should people on jobseekers have to pay back their payments when they get a job? If someone in a council house won the lottery should they have to pay their rent back? Etc. There’s no way of policing it.

TabbyMack · 26/01/2018 18:59

No, she shouldn't.

To suggest that she should indicates complete ignorance of what the welfare state is supposed to be.

It's there to support people who, for whatever length of time, cannot support themselves. It's not meant to be a loan. If you think she should pay it back, do you think people who had been claiming JSA should pay it back when they get a job?

One of the very best things about our country is our welfare provision. Of course it's not ideal - but the underlying principle of support in times of need is solid..and anyone who thinks it should be "paid back" when a situation improves needs to sit down and think about what this would mean for all of us.

Babyroobs · 26/01/2018 19:02

I find it odd that these people with all this money left to leave as an inheritance would let their kids/ relatives struggle on benefits when they have a load of money in the bank ! I guess some of these inheritances could be tied up mainly in property or I guess some people might not know how much their relatives struggle to live on basic benefits for years though.

bridgetreilly · 26/01/2018 19:04

As you say, she hasn't broken the law, she's been upfront about her circumstances. Why on earth should she pay more tax than she owes?!!

Strongmummy · 26/01/2018 19:12

MINd your own business. Get angry about multi billionaires and big companies paying fuck all tax!!!

Bluelady · 26/01/2018 19:15

Yup, lost both my parents within six months of one another. I was so lucky I was skipping down the street. Bitter, nasty and envious.

Rachie1973 · 26/01/2018 19:20

SortedSue
I’m not jealous

Ok. Sounds like it. Invariably threads that start like this mean quite the opposite.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/01/2018 19:23

I could be wildly wrong, but. The vibe I'm getting is that your friend is one of those just muddling on. Never really had much and you've enjoyed lapping it up with your prefect sorted life. However now her luck has changed instead of being pleased for her that things have turned around you don't like it. I mean, lets be honest even your user name suggests you're very gloaty.
Yes you may have worked hard. I'm sure the world will take pleasure in doffing it's cap.. However be mindful not everyone is as luckily as you never to get sick or lose their job.

I consider myself ridiculously fortunate not to have had to claim, not superior

NancyFrank · 26/01/2018 19:23

YANBU I was in a horrific accident 5 years ago leaving me in a coma and subsequently a wheelchair and requiring care for several years. I had not been at my job long enough to be entitled to any sick pay and was entitled to disability allowance which I claimed for that period. The accident was not my fault and I was awarded compensation eventually, before I even received the sum the 'benefits office' had deducted every penny I claimed from it. So yes some people do have to pay back every penny they claimed when they needed it.

NeverTwerkNaked · 26/01/2018 19:27

nancy that’s terrible Angry i’m So sorry.

lalalalyra · 26/01/2018 19:28

I know one woman who has had an inheritance from THREE different relatives in 7 years. Mother (left her a house worth £200K,) her brother (never married, left her £55K,) and her gran (left her £33K.

And how on earth does that make her lucky?

You sound like one of the idiots who comments on my DH being "lucky" that his first wife's life insurance paid off the mortgage... Or on DS getting some money from a sum left by insurance for him.

They were so lucky. Widowed in their twenties and lost their mother as a toddler... Those lucky, lucky things.

FFS.

Rachie1973 · 26/01/2018 19:30

Bluelady
Yup, lost both my parents within six months of one another. I was so lucky I was skipping down the street. Bitter, nasty and envious.

I'm sorry for your loss Blue.

We lost both my inlaws in a 4 year span, somewhat prematurely. Up til the loss of my FIL we'd had a rough time, business collapse, house repossession, my DH had a massive Heart Attack that made work hard for a while. We did both work, but were low earners. With 6 kids we were obviously 'topped up' with HB, Tax Credits and CB.

Over time we built up our wages and our benefits went down..... which is how I believe they're designed to be used.

When we inherited the house and the money we obviously stopped claiming immediately. Actually slightly before we got it as it had to go through probate but I always like to be very honest with Benefits Agency.

I'm not sure how we'd tot up how much we'd had.... would we be able to offset it against how much we paid in before things went bad perhaps? I wonder if we could use my in laws payments in? All their working lives, then dying too early to claim their state pensions etc

It's a bizarre idea lol.

On the flip side, knowing how much help we needed we make a point of contributing regularly to a foodbank, and we rent our house (that we bought from our inheritance and can't live in until we retire) to a family on benefits, covered entirely by their housing benefit, despite it being slightly under market value.

Karma as they say :)

NeverTwerkNaked · 26/01/2018 19:31

op I don’t think I could bring myself to be envious of a friend who got an inheritance- I am sure she would prefer her parents to be alive

She also sounds like she has handled the money very sensibly.

I do pity her because I think not having to work is as much a blessing as curse, it can leave people feeling quite aimless and pointless. It’s why I would actually hate to win the lottery!

You are rightly angry at her for playing the system and working PT to maximise benefits. I really do think their needs to be a clampdown on this behaviour. It seems to be seen as perfectly acceptably by many, when quite frankly it is disgusting and entitled.

Sennelier1 · 26/01/2018 19:37

Let me get this straight : do you think every person who needs financial help during a certain time in their life, should pay it back the moment they can cope without? So when they get a job or when they inherit some money etc.? You're weird sister 😉

lovemylover · 26/01/2018 19:42

Dont blame her, maybe it was time she had some good luck, sounds like jealousy to me

Mummymia2 · 26/01/2018 19:46

Gah, damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t. She used them when needed, which is what they are there for and quite cleverly got herself to a position where she no longer needs them.

Yet if she hadn’t and carried on claiming and wasted the money she’d be chastised for that too!

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