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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay this bill

60 replies

AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 17:28

Ds has music lessons. He used to have them at school but he had problems getting out of class so now we travel to the teacher's house.

In September Ds told me he was going to be working towards his Grade 1 exam. I bought the requested book & thought no more. I did make sure that his teacher knew that he would miss some lessons as he had the leading role in a local am dram show. We gave him the dates he would miss.

The show was November. In the run up he was rehearsing a lot so he didn't touch his instrument for two weeks. Pretty much expected but I knew once it was over he could then concentrate on that as I'd assumed his exam would be in the spring term sometime.

On the Friday of the show I was at the theatre & got a missed call from the teacher. It was to tell me that ds's exam was the following day. (He'd missed his lesson that week due to dress rehearsal). Of course there was no way he could do it as he had a matinee & evening performance. I didn't even know he'd been entered. If I'd been asked I'd have said no,he couldn't do any exams in the autumn term due to his Theatre commitment (he even got leeway from school for homework etc).

I've now been asked to pay the exam fee of over £40. Surely I should have been informed of the cost & asked if it was OK before the teacher put the entry in,not afterwards?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 25/01/2018 17:31

How old is your DS? Was he told the date?

Malbecfan · 25/01/2018 17:33

YANBU. The teacher should have confirmed in writing/email that they were entering your child for the exam. Did you email them the dates your DS was not available?

I won't enter any of my pupils until I have received the full exam fee. It gets over just this issue and means that unless they are very wealthy (so don't notice the loss of the fee) they have a vested interest in their child's practice. Didn't stop one uppity mother entering her spoiled brat for an exam that I refused to do because she simply was not ready, but that's another story!

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 17:36

DS is 13 but has SEN (which is the reason why we stopped school lessons & went to the teachers house).

He wasn't told the date. The teacher told me on the phone that the dates came through go late. He told his other pupils the date earlier that week (Ds missed his lesson that week due the show)

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 25/01/2018 17:37

You should have been told well before the day before.
Are you sure you didn't miss an email, or is your ds old enough to be told?

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 17:38

I don't have his email Malbec. We gave him the dates of lessons he would miss verbally.

I also have a Dd who has commitments in another city that I have to sometimes take her to. My life is planned very carefully to make sure everything that needs to happen happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 17:39

We communicate by text or mobile. I've checked all my texts - nothing.

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Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 17:41

The teacher said when he made the exam entry he didn't know exactly when the exam would b until a week before. That I can see (dh is a music teacher & I did up to grade 8 myself). But he would have known the "session" would be autumn term. If he'd asked me I'd have said no, please delay until Spring.

OP posts:
GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 25/01/2018 17:47

Meh.

He takes music lessons - the whole point of that is to take exams (otherwise you would just be letting him play around with instruments in his room).

From the teachers perspective then, thats what hes paid to do: prepare your kid for the exam.

He wouldnt know exactly when the date is, but fairly confident (as most people would) that within an entire term ("autumn") you would make space to prioritise the exam.

In other words I dont think the teacher is unreasonable. You should have found out ASAP when the exam would be likely to be from the get go. The teacher isnt a mind reader.

Music teachers are also not paid very much.

So in short if I were you i would pay up.

crazymumofthree · 25/01/2018 17:59

If I liked the teacher and they were good although I wouldn't particularly agree I would just pay to avoid bad feeling but make it clear to please make sure they contact you for the next one and exchange email/ phone numbers so contact is much easier.

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 18:00

Actually glitter thecwhole point of music lessons is to learn to play an instrument, not to take exams. Many professional musicians did not do grades.

In my extensive experience it's also very unusual for there to be one terms preparation. Two is much more likely.

Ds's priority for the autumn term was the lead role in the show. He cancelled all other activities that clashed. The teacher was told in September the dates he was doing the show.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 18:01

I also know exactly how much music teachers are paid being married to one myself.

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LavenderDoll · 25/01/2018 18:02

I'd pay.

MissionItsPossible · 25/01/2018 18:02

I don't play instruments so this may be glaringly obvious so apologies but who is the £40 being paid to and what for? If he didn't sit the exam then what's the cash actually for? Can you pay it on the terms that he can sit it in the future with at least a weeks notice? Sorry if the obvious is staring at me in the face.

Merryoldgoat · 25/01/2018 18:03

Perhaps it's changed a lot since I took my exams but you had to pay and book some months in advance for a music grading. And you'd definitely get more than a week's notice.

It sounds to me like the teacher is disorganised. Any entry into a music exam should be discussed with the child and parents to check the sorting is suitable etc.

I wouldn't pay and I'd think about finding a more organised teacher.

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 18:03

The £40 is the fee to the exam board. The teacher would have paid that when he entered the students. He did not check with me that I was ok with that.

OP posts:
GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 25/01/2018 18:05

Oh okay then.

So why are you asking if you're BU?

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 18:05

I think it's Trinity not ABRSM & I know Trinity are less organised. But the closing date would have been several weeks in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 18:06

I wanted people's perspective. But just putting "meh" is very antagonistic.

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EggsonHeads · 25/01/2018 18:06

YANBU. I would probably find a different teacher if possible. Very poor communication.

Original poster
AlexanderHamilton · 25/01/2018 18:08

My gut is to change teachers. But autistic children don't do change very well & Ds takes instant likes or dislikes to teachers.

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LIZS · 25/01/2018 18:08

Presumably that is the exam entrance fee, possibly including an accompanist (teacher?) . Yes you should have been told sooner, sometimes it is short notice but normally you agree it in advance before the appointment is confirmed. You would also get a mock exam in a lesson or two before to pick up any weak spots. The teacher would probably be entering a number of pupils so could have juggled timings if it helped.

AlpacaLypse · 25/01/2018 18:08

My dd's music teachers always got in touch with me and discussed which round of exams would be most convenient and appropriate for them to be entered for. We usually knew the exact date several weeks in advance. Only if your son is really thriving with this teacher would I pay this, the teacher has been massively silly to proceed without consulting you. We used email and text to talk with all three teachers. It works!

LIZS · 25/01/2018 18:09

Yes Trinity does seem to be more haphazard!

bastardkitty · 25/01/2018 18:09

I wouldn't pay. That's really poor. I would give all absences in writing in future and say not to put DS in for any exams without asking. I've never encountered this in many years of dealing with music teachers.

ObamaSelf · 25/01/2018 18:09

YANBU. I teach my own DD to play piano and have entered her for the ABRSM exams several times. You always get the exam date weeks in advance, so I think that the music teacher is in the wrong. Seems odd as well that they haven't asked you sooner for the entry fee as this has to be paid when booking.