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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to hope DP gets the flu?

79 replies

oldschoolcool · 25/01/2018 16:52

DS (aged 4) and I have had flu for over a week. The last seven days have been a blur of hot sweats, aching muscles, and burning coughing. I have no idea how I managed to get us through the worst. We ended up in A&E one night because DS's temperature wouldn't come down.

All week DP has been moaning that "it's only the flu" or "a bit of a cough". He has NO IDEA how ill we have been. He comes in from work and whines there is no dinner ready (I'm a SAHM and usually cook) the place is a mess and says I've been on the sofa all day. Yep, I have. I'M ILL and so is DS! What does he expect us to do?!!!!!

Today DP has come home early from work. He's feeling rough. Pah! He gets no sympathy from me. I truly hope he gets this so he knows exactly what we have been through/are going through and can eat his words.Angry

OP posts:
BackBoiler · 25/01/2018 17:50

Redhelen My son is the same and he is nearly 10. I remember having a sickness bug with no one to have the little ones. He was SEVEN and all I had to do was change the two year old's nappy.

He made sandwiches, got drinks, gave the little one milk, took three year old to toilet. He was fabulous.

I ordered him Lego Batman ps3 game from Argos and asked DH to pick it up on the way home to say thank you!

hiphopchick · 25/01/2018 17:51

YANBU, but you know if he DOES get it, it will be waaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse than YOURS and your son's! Hmm

I hope he gets the shits too, and constipation, and the piles. All in the next few weeks, one after another.

What a twat he sounds.

If he DOES get it, tell him to STFU and suck it up, and ignore him, and go out on some nice trips with your lovely wee boy. (Who hopefully will not turn out to be a massive cunt like his arsehat of a father!)

blueremembered · 25/01/2018 17:56

Show him this thread.

NekoHime · 25/01/2018 17:56

About a decade ago I had a nasty bout of tonsillitis. It was the most ill I've ever felt in my life. 'D'p (now ex), who was not working at the time, refused to do so much as get me a drink unless I begged and pleaded and made out I was milking it. Just as I was starting to feel better he came down with it. Of course, I left the house and let him get on with it. He wasn't getting any sympathy from me after the way he'd been. Needless to say, we broke up shortly afterwards. Arsehole.

Hope you and DS feel better soon and hope your DP learns to be more sympathetic.

hiphopchick · 25/01/2018 18:02

@NekoHime you poor lamb. Tonsillitis is one of those things that sounds a bit trivial coz it's kind of 'common.' Like measles, or chicken pox. In actual fact, it can make you feel as if you have been hit by a truck, for WEEKS, and can make you run a high fever, and feel nauseous and weak, and very very poorly.

Sorry you had to tolerate that. No wonder he is your ex eh?! I mean, even if he THOUGHT it sounded a bit trivial, he must have seen it wasn't, when he saw how ill you were. If there is one thing we can all agree on - it's that most women don't feign illness, especially when they are a mother!

blackteasplease · 25/01/2018 18:25

Well if he does get it OP he will obviously be going in to work as normal because it's nothing.

StopCallingMeShirley · 25/01/2018 18:39

blackteasplease

"Well if he does get it OP he will obviously be going in to work as normal because it's nothing."

Except that he'll increase the likelihood of spreading it to colleagues.

expatinscotland · 25/01/2018 18:51

He sounds like a real prince.

Lashalicious · 25/01/2018 18:56

At least you’re honest, op Smile

Lashalicious · 25/01/2018 18:57

Meant to add, agree with pp, show him the thread. He sounds annoying and no help at all.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 25/01/2018 18:59

For definite his will be way worse that yours (even if yours was the flu and his is actually a cold). He will also expect you to look after him, mop his brow and fulfil his every whim because 'you've got over it so you're fine now'.

Repeat ad nauseam ' But it's only the flu'. Make a list of what he did to be nice to you when you were ill. Ask him what he did to be nice to you when you were ill. Laugh uproariously. Show him your list and tell him, 'That's what you did for me, and that's what I'll do for you. No more, no less.'

Because you'll still be the one looking after the DCs and keeping things going - just as you had to WHEN YOU HAD FLU!!!!!

Topseyt · 25/01/2018 19:00

His will be manflu, don't you know. Manflu is apparently worse and more virulent than any other flu on this planet!

Seriously though, what is in this for you? Your DP seems to have had an empathy bypass.

NewYearNiki · 25/01/2018 19:02

People are often trivial about the flu as people often say they have it when they really just have a heavy cold.

People who go on about getting the flu evert year actually dont have the flu. You dont get it that often.

I've had it twice since I was in my teens. I knew the difference as you literally cannot function with the flu but with a heavy cold you can soldier on.

He is probably minimising it due to the fact that everyone seems to say they get it every year but it is NO excuse.

Leave him to it if he gets it.

Ledkr · 25/01/2018 19:05

Ooo I hope he gets it too!
Do tell us if he does and include pics Grin

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 25/01/2018 19:06

If my Dh behaved like this when I was really ill, I’d be seriously considering our marriage.

^^ yup

HateTheDF · 25/01/2018 19:10

YANBU

I had this problem with my DP except we both came down with the flu at the same time except he was allowed to rest on the sofa and do nothing but I was expected to get on with it and look after him - which didn't happen! We ended up having a massive row and he's got better since then.

Go to bed and rest and let him get on with it and don't look after him - it's only the flu!

Imnotposhjustquaint · 25/01/2018 20:02

What a first class arsehole! I had the flu when the kids were off over new year and have never known anything like it! I laid in bed and didn’t have the energy to even roll over, I was boiling hot to touch but shivering with cold. I aches from head to toe and my heart was beating so slowly that I thought it was going to stop!

Anyway DP (who doesn’t do any cooking, cleaning, washing etc usually) was fucking amazing! He loooked after both DC’s cooked, cleaned, looked after me as well as some 600 sheep and 100 cattle.

If he’d have reacted the way your DP did I don’t know how we’d have coped. I hope he gets it too OP!! YADNBU!! Don’t lift a finger for him!

StopCallingMeShirley · 25/01/2018 21:38

I decided I'd had enough of carrying on doing everything while ill, so I stopped. At which point, DH decided I must be really, really ill and stepped up. I now ham up how bad I am feeling every time, so that he takes over. He has been known to comment that I never used to get things as badly as I do now. He hasn't twigged yet. 🤐

ThePinkOcelot · 25/01/2018 21:50

Nope, he wouldn’t be getting any sympathy from me!
I’m just starting to get over the flu. I’ve been ill for 2 weeks now. I’ve been looked after by dh and dds. Don’t know how I would have managed if they hadn’t. It’s been horrendous!

SummerRains · 25/01/2018 21:55

Make sure when he is at home ill he does the housework and cooks a hot dinner for you all - as you were meant to.

Cat2014 · 25/01/2018 21:56

I would be very upset.
I’ve had flu for 10 days, only now I’m recovering. DP has spent the last 10 days working full time, leaving work to do the school runs for me, taking DS to his clubs, coming home at lunch time to make me lunch, doing all the housework and dishes in the evening. We don’t even live together and Ds isn’t his. This is how you treat someone you love though and if I could I’d do the same for him. I’d feel unloved if I was treated like your DH has been doing.

Kintan · 25/01/2018 22:01

I hate to say this but it sounds like your DP doesn’t like or respect you very much. I hope you and your son are back to full health soon. Don’t waste any energy looking after your DP. This will be a valuable lesson in karma for him!

twatbastard · 25/01/2018 22:05

YANBU

Has your DP ever had the flu? There's no "only" involved when it comes to the flu, I'm amazed you made it out your bed at all!

Original poster
oldschoolcool · 25/01/2018 22:20

I had to make it out of bed to get medicine, drinks and food for DS, but I daren't walk down the stairs as I was so wobbly and out of it. I had to go down on my bottom with DS on my knees.

Now I feel like I have been hit by a bus, so goodness knows what DS is feeling. He's perked up today but his legs have gone ever so thin Sad

OP posts:
OnlyAbigail · 25/01/2018 22:20

I sympathise, OP. My DH gets really moody and nasty if I'm ill and won't do a thing for me such as get me a drink or make me anything to eat. He also thinks I'm being lazy if I'm ill and moans about things not done in the house. I've recently been diagnosed with a chronic condition so as you can imagine that's been great fun as far as his behaviour is concerned Hmm