Child maintenance

[itsveryquiet]

DS started swimming lessons with school today. He sleeps overnight at exh on Wednesdays. I made exh aware of this when the school told us a few weeks ago.

DS comes out of school to tell me he got told off for not having swimming kit, and had to wear school spares.

Exh response...its your job to provide swimming kit.

He pays £26 a week for two DC and contributes zero to anything else. Any toys at his house were provided by me, and he buys the bare minimum clothes and does not replace them (eg DS wearing aged 6 clothes at nearly 9).

Is a pair of swimming trunks really too much to ask?!

Give your child a swimming kit to put on his peg ready earlier in the week. What your child will remember is two adults fighting over a towel and a pair of swimm8ng trunks. Or, if you choose, he can remember you ignored his father’s Twitter you and made sure he had what he needed.

It’s not a hard choice to make, is it?

Twitter you = twattery

What OhReally said

Your Ex is in the dictionary under Arsehole.

Sorry, OP.

Yes, of course he should be doing more. But Arseholes like your Ex think their bare CM minimum is all their children need from them ... and even if they don't know any better, they don't care. They want you to suffer.

There wasn’t an argument. I assumed he might actually provide them. He didn’t say no at the time, waited until DS had missed out. Of course I will provide it now, like I always do...

What does swimming lessons have to do with child maintenance?

Stop buying toys and clothes for his house. Like pp said either take his kit in the day before, or tell ex dc swims on thursdays and he needs to provide kit. If he says it’s your job tell him it’s not. His day, his job. Why does he think it’s your job? Wifework?

Make it clear to school that dad drops him off that day and if he repeatedly forgets they need to take it up with dad, as it is out of your control as you don’t see dc that morning.

That’s how it’s related to child maintenance. He says “I give you enough money.” If I don’t provide it, DC don’t have it.

He won’t pay for uniform, trips, lunches, bus fares, toys, doesn’t take them out...

I would think that if it’s his day, he pays! Mind you, if they are going post holiday to school from his, I have to deliver the uniform during the week to him as well. Won’t even keep a spare at his “because I will steal it”.

He's taking the piss out of you and you're completely enabling it by giving in and providing things that he should be.

Tell school that it's his issue and you don't see your child that morning. He needs to provide a swimming kit. Absolutely ridiculous.

Surely when there's arrangements like this there isn't an expectation that the child would have two swimming kits? He'd need to take his kit from home to his Dads? Or do you really expect dad to have a duplicate of everything that he uses at yours? Two swimming kits/two tennis raquets/two pairs of rugby boots/two bikes etc etc.

His dad sounds like a bit of waste of space, but don't be petty about this. If your child needs to take his swimming kit when he goes to Dads, then pack it for him to take. It shouldn't be about point scoring, but about making sure the needs of the child are met.

Honestly just send the swim kit. It's your child that's missing out! I don't get all this tit for tat nonsense

£26 a week is fuck all! (I'm sure you're aware)

Unless he's on a tiny salary that doesn't sound like anywhere near enough for two kids.

My ds has been swimming all week we just alternate our swimming kit when ex got ds on Tuesday. He put a fresh set in. It’s part and parcel of co-parenting. Your ex is an arsehole.

I didn’t have a school swimming kit. He hasn’t done it at school for a couple of years so that didn’t fit, and the stuff you use outside of school isn’t allowed.

So when school sent the letter I just let him know. He didn’t say anything so I assumed he might just do it. I wasn’t being petty or asking him to duplicate.

Potatoes...well lunches are £12 each a week and bus fare for eldest is £11 a week so he’s doesn’t even cover the cost of them going to school each week!

Tbh op I would have got a kit for my house aswell. Do you not take your ds swimming?

Cross post winter. I do but that wasn’t the right things for school.

He’s now texting me telling me how it’s all my fault that DS couldn’t swim today!

Stop engaging with him. Just get the kit and be done with it. Your son is all that matters here.

Your ex sounds like a dick.

I would discuss things with him as little as possible and definitely don't engage in stupid arguments like the one he's trying to start, you'll never get him to "get it".

If your youngest is 9 then in a few more years he'll be old enough to organise contact himself and hopefully things will calm down.

Honestly, whoever signed him up for the lessons should have made the arrangements to make sure he had the appropriate kit to participate. I've never known a state school have uniform swimming kit, especially when they only do swimming every few years. You should have sent his kit from home. If you refuse to, the person who loses out is your son, don't let that happen.

Mrsm- no one signed him up for the lessons, they were school lessons so presumably compulsory.

He didn’t have kit. He knew he would need kit on “his” day, he knew ds didn’t have it, and he did nothing. Why is it o/p’s job to sort kit and not his dads?

I do agree it’s unusual to have a uniform swim kit though. Does he go to private school?

They have to be black trunks. He wears the coloured baggy shirt style at home.

Thanks really. That’s my thought exactly. We are only talking about, what, £5?

I’m going to get one now, I’m not that spiteful, but seriously, AIreallyBU???

Shorts not shirt!

This sounds like my ex husband.... Just rise above it. Provide the swimming stuff and smile sweetly at him. Your DS will realise as he gets older you provide everything he needs and your cock of an ex husband doesn't. X

I’d message him the lunch and bus fare total, say you pay me £3 a week for everything else. If I sort th me swimming kit on the day you’re supposed to actually be a parent , it’s because you’re shit at parenting but I love my ds, not because it’s my job. You wouldn’t understand , it’s how parents who care think.