Child maintenance

[itsveryquiet]

DS started swimming lessons with school today. He sleeps overnight at exh on Wednesdays. I made exh aware of this when the school told us a few weeks ago.

DS comes out of school to tell me he got told off for not having swimming kit, and had to wear school spares.

Exh response...its your job to provide swimming kit.

He pays £26 a week for two DC and contributes zero to anything else. Any toys at his house were provided by me, and he buys the bare minimum clothes and does not replace them (eg DS wearing aged 6 clothes at nearly 9).

Is a pair of swimming trunks really too much to ask?!

Excellent message...

Actually it’s £12 each lunch and £11 bus fare so he’s not even covering that!

What does he earn?

Sounds just like my ex.
What a prick your ex is, I can’t help myself when my ex tries laying the blame on me when it’s clearly his fault. He gets told and then some (privately via text so my child can’t hear)

They can’t be forced to be the kind of parent your child needs, unfortunately children will still keep him on a pedestal as mine does.

I bet it isn’t limited to ex’s. How many of us does this shit fall on- how many women end up taking responsibility for buying school uniform, sorting gym kit, buying new shoes...

It’s wifework.

My dh took my dd for a haircut while i was at work. The reaction of friends and family you’d think i abandoned her!

He’s a graduate choosing to work part time in a shop because he is lazy and doesn’t want me to “take even more of his money”.

Is the £26 a private agreement or through CSA?

I thought it would be something like that.

Wow, he's awful

He’s a dick but you already knew that so just provide the stuff regardless and your kid won’t miss out. It’s not right but it’s an easy fix.

I actually wouldn't message him.

Rise above it. Get the swim gear and be done with it.

There will be many more of these opportunities to bicker with your ex but the easiest way forward for you is to expect the worst, refuse to engage, and maintain your focus on raising a great kid.

Don't let the fool get to you, you don't need this stuff in your head.

Your ex is an arse but is this a stand that you really want to make especially as it is your child that will suffer

I wasn’t making a stand and I don’t intend to. This was week one and I’m pissed off that he knew, didn’t do anything, didn’t tell me he wasn’t going to do anything and I have an upset child.

My child's state school demanded particular swim shorts of the type we didn't have, for 6 lessons. Ok they were £3 from Asda but still.

I realise this is beside the point. And yes, I sorted buying them etc.

Are you going through CSA? Cause seriously, he's not providing fuck all for the children :(

he’a a total twat. total.
The judge made it clear to my similarly twatty ex that he is meant to provide everything the children need at his house (I have lost £1000s of stuff being the “bigger person”).

It’s very easy for people to say just let it go, and yes you probably will have to buy the trunks. But that doesn’t mean your Ex’s behaviour is in any way ok.

hugs. It’s shit trying to “co parent” with a man child. And cripplingly expensive to “not be petty”

Also getting very pissed off that he is still texting me as I wake up this morning, telling me what a shit min I am to have not provided his kit, after all the money he gives me all the time. And that I shouldn’t emotionally blackmail him to bully him into giving even more

Yes it’s being done through CMS. It’s just that he doesn’t bother to work enough to pay. Likes to spend his time and money on gadgets and games, rather than clothing his children.

Ignore him. This kind of behaviour is the reason you left him. Don’t let his words get to you. I know what it’s like. Trust me that you have done nothing wrong.

The judge told me that clothes and toys etc are the children’s not mine, and they travel with the children where they want/need them. Hence him now thinking he never has to buy anything. He quite happily makes them wear clothes three years too small, or their school shoes for the weekend so he doesn’t have to buy shoes.

I would agree with the judge in normal circunstances, but not where you ex is bullying you like this.

I am actually being driven mad by this!

Since the new term, swimming is now on the day of contact. So swimming kit is taken from school to contact and never returns.

So we get back to swimming day, swimming kit remains at dads. He refuses to return it.

I have had to buy a new swimming kit and towel every week since Easter!!

omg - what a prick! Can you explain to the school so that he can leave swim kit at school for you to collect (massive PITA I know, but better than buying one a week?)

Surely this applies to the swimming kit just as much as it applies to the clothes:

The judge told me that clothes and toys etc are the children’s not mine, and they travel with the children where they want/need them

It works the same way for both of you. Not one way for him and a different way for you.

But yes, I would have a word with school. There must be a way your child can stash the kit for you to pick up the following day?

Sorry this didn't seem to pop up in active threads so I started a new thread!!