Should we be providing an evening meal?

[spiritofadventure]

My DP and I are getting married in a few months - it will be a low key affair, with 20 of our closest friends as guests.

Sunday wedding in a hotel in York - bacon sandwiches & bucks fizz on arrival (asking guests to be there 1 hour before ceremony for photographs), champagne and canapés for 1 hour after ceremony then a 4 course Sunday Lunch.

After this, guests are free to go home or join us for drinks in the city.

We're paying for hotel rooms for anyone who wants to stay the night.

Should we be organising food for the evening for those that stay? Was thinking we could just grab setching whilst out having drinks or order room service at the hotel??

No, I think it’s enough to provide one meal over the time that the wedding reception spans.

thoughtfox (love your name!), but it'd be hard to know how many people to cater for in the evening; it seems like the arrangement is quite loose. Also where would they serve the bacon sandwiches? The OP is talking about picking from 'loads of places' to eat.

Absolutely plenty, and your guests are free to join you in the city if they want, they don't have to. You are kindly paying their hotel, I am sure they can source food elsewhere.

I would say so long as it is clear prior to the day, and the guests have options to get something if they want, then you can do what you like. That said, some people are really fixed on what they expect from a wedding. I am certainly not one of those types.

After my breakfast at home or in the hotel if I needed to stay over the night before, a bacon sandwich and a 4 course lunch I think I’d be ok for food but would be more than happy to buy myself something to mop up the alcohol if I needed it

spirit is it too late to be your friend?
Sounds lovely.

What I would ask is do you want everyone to stay together for evening to celebrate with you or do you want to dunk out and honeymoon because if you don't want everyone drifting off to do their own thing you might make a plan/optional plan? For those who want to be together as it will be easy for it to just fizzle out...

The bacon sandwiches and bucks fizz are to soften the blow of a 10am start time 😂

We're doing our main photographs before the ceremony so that there's no faffing around afterwards.

The ceremony will be at 11am and should only last about 15 minutes.

Then we'll have champagne and a few canapes whilst we take a few more photographs.

Lunch will be at 12.30 - our guests will pre order their main course and desserts from the hotels all a carte Sunday Lunch menu. The starter will be vegetable soup and there will be a 'help yourself' table set up with charcuterie, seafood, salads, breads etc. We have reserved the private dining room for 4 hours so we can have a long, relaxing lunch!

After this, we will be going to a few bars in the city with whoever would like to join us.

Hotel rooms available for whoever wants them and trains leaving every hour until 10pm for anyone who want to go home but still have a few drinks.

• duck out

Nah don't bother, tell people you'll be going for a quick shag and room service dinner so people can sort thenselves out and neet you at X bar at 9pm.

My god, spirit, but you've just described the perfect wedding, certainly from a guest's point of view, and if I did ever get married (I won't) I'd want that too. Bloody well done!

mumsie i'm always up for making new friends! 😂

All our guests are friends with each other as well as us, so there won't be any awkwardness if there's nothing planned in the evening.

We really don't mind what people choose to do after the lunch - my new husband and I will be going for drinks, which they are welcome to join us for, or they can stay and chill out at the hotel, or go home.

The day is very relaxed and there's no pressure for anyone to do anything!

I don’t think you need to, but I think it would be best to clarify to everyone.

If you end up going out for food and suggesting others join you, you don’t want any awkwardness over who’s picking up the bill.

well spirit I think it sounds just fab!!

Sounds wonderful! Are any o& your guests vegetarians though? Just thinking of the bacon sandwiches..

This sounds quite generous already. As long as there is somewhere not too far away that guests can get their own snacks then this is fine.

I think only 4 people are not planning to stay the night so if we decide to have an evening meal, we would need to pre book somewhere for our group

You certainly don't need to pay for the evening meal as well, but since you're providing everything else (including the rooms, which is extremely generous) you'll need to be very clear that the evening food is on them, or some might well assume that's included too

And I definitely wouldn't be covering room service for them as well, given the crazy amounts hotels charge for it

Thank you all! You've really helped put my mind at ease 😊

I'm just a little concerned that people might be a bit disappointed that the day won't be very wedding like - all our married friends had big traditional do's with fancy meals and entertainment etc...

people might be a bit disappointed

People will be delighted and relieved. (And anyone who is disappointed by all this needs to give themselves a shake, and is absolutely not your concern.)

It sounds like a wonderful, wonderful wedding (In fact it’s exactly the thing I would want as my perfect wedding day). You’re being very generous and I think your friends will love it. You’re doing it right leaving it up to people whether or not they stay and if they join you for drinks/go out to eat separately/stay at the hotel.

What a brilliant idea.

(So just to make it very clear, you do not need to provide an evening meal)

knittedfairies We have 1 vegetarian who will be served a veggie sausage sandwich instead!

Sounds lovely .
I think as long as people know the score it will be fine
Have a great day

Sounds great!

What time should I get there?

And definitely don’t worry about guests being disappointed!!

"Traditional" would be ceremony, "wedding breakfast", finish I think. The carrying on into the evening, DJ, evening food is more common now than it was when my parents got married. Your wedding plans sound fabulous.

It sounds awesome and you're definitely going above and beyond already. Only because you're being so generous already I'd suggest you ensure your guests are aware of the plan for the evening, to avoid any confusion on the day. you could always offer to book a table (Not pay, just book) for anyone who wants to eat together, but say you're planning to go with the flow as you're expecting to be quite full from lunch. Or if you're going to worry about it, perhaps arrange a light snack/tapas type thing at one of the bars you're planning on going to - lots will happily do this, it would cost a lot less than room service and is more sociable