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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be embarrassed to invite bf round?

47 replies

MotherChuffingGirlPower · 25/01/2018 09:03

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and we are running out of ideas for dates this time of year.. We are due to see each other again over next few days and I feel it's time to ask him to mine for a take away and/or film. However I hate my house at moment. I've got a really noisy neighbour on one side (not unreasonale, just thin walls) and due to funds I'm still in the process of sorting out furniture - at the moment i have no dining table, nor even a coffee table, and my TV is a tiny little thing leftover from a bedroom... I sound really materialistic but I'm generally the opposite, I just feel he's going to think I'm some kind of pauper... (I'm getting new furniture and TV over the next few weeks) Shall I just invite him to mine on the next date and to hell with the lack of furniture and neighbour, or try and think of something else we can do out?

OP posts:
DogTalk · 25/01/2018 09:05

If you are inviting him around for the first time I expect he'll have other things on his mind than how big your TV is ...

Oysterbabe · 25/01/2018 09:08

Can you go to his?

MiniTheMinx · 25/01/2018 09:17

I didn't have a TV until a year ago, and I've never owned a coffee table, I've never felt ashamed. I never watch TV and I dislike modern furniture.

Don't be daft, as long as it's clean and tidy, and you haven't got a clothes dryer in your sitting room, it's all fine.

MrsDilber · 25/01/2018 09:21

I'd be honest with him and tell him the situation. It's just conversation about yourself and, what you've told us, is nothing to be ashamed of, even if you weren't getting new furniture.

Enjoy your evening, whatever you do.

mojito55 · 25/01/2018 09:32

Just bring it up yourself and make a joke of it, no need for it to be a big deal.

morningconstitutional2017 · 25/01/2018 09:34

Either say that you're in a state of flux at the moment and will be sorting things out or wait a few weeks until these things are in place. If his heart is in the right place it won't matter if it looks like you're a pauper as it's you he should be interested in. Have a nice evening. Wine

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 25/01/2018 09:36

Pretend you're really Bohemian and make it seem alluring Grin

Get a tonne of candles in jars etc and drape a few scarves about...borrow some floor cushions.

Rockinglobstering · 25/01/2018 09:36

Don't be daft, as long as it's clean and tidy, and you haven't got a clothes dryer in your sitting room, it's all fine.

Where else is it supposed to go?
Is this some big faux pas I've been blind to?!

ArcheryAnnie · 25/01/2018 09:41

Rockinglobstering that was my immediate thought, too! There's nowhere else for it to go! (I would probably remove the pants from it before a new beau came over though.)

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 25/01/2018 09:41

Rocking it's not ok on a date! Grin

lynmilne65 · 25/01/2018 09:41

faux
mine is in spare room, dils is in kitchen !

JustForThisFred · 25/01/2018 09:44

Just invite him around, if it puts him off you, then he wasn’t a keeper anyway .

I do understand how you feel as I’m doing this place up and it’s very ‘raw’ in places, the furniture is tatty as I’m not replacing it until I’ve finished painting. The kitchen still needs replacing (trying to sort that now) BUT, it’s clean, tidy & warm...anyone ‘put off’ by it isn’t the sort of person I’d want in my life anyway.

I agree with the poster that said if you’re inviting him to yours, the state of the place is unlikely to be at the forefront of his mind 😊 (obviously, inviting him over doesn’t mean you have to have sex, but if you have no intention at all, you might like to be upfront about that to stop him getting his hopes up too high!).

NewYearNewMe18 · 25/01/2018 09:45

Clothes dryer goes in the bathroom, either stand it in the bath or in the shower , or the spare room but not the front room with all your grey Bridget Joneses out for all and sundry to see!

whiskyowl · 25/01/2018 09:47

Surely anyone who could judge someone snobbily on their furniture wouldn't be worth another date?

When I first saw my DH's house he literally had a bed, an old lady armchair and a dining table, and that was about it! It didn't bother me in the slightest, though I still tease him about the chintz upholstery! Grin

dustarr73 · 25/01/2018 09:50

I was wondering why the clothes dryer was in the sitting room.You mean a clothes horse.

Whiterabbitears · 25/01/2018 09:55

My clothes horse is in the hallway! Shock you can see my Bridget Jones when you open my front door! Blush oh the shame! I haven't got room in my bathroom, I don't want my clothes to smell of cooking from the kitchen and the bedrooms are prone to damp so the hallway it is.

feska5 · 25/01/2018 09:58

Don’t be embarrassed. Just be honest. Tell him you are getting new stuff soon. If your home puts him off then he’s not for you !

MrsArthurShappey · 25/01/2018 10:05

You say you're completely non-materialistic, I would say that if he's bothered by a tiny TV you maybe aren't as compatible as you thought.Or am I being a bit simplistic?

Chowmum · 25/01/2018 10:18

I think the OP's concern about the size of the TV was obviously her take away/film idea.

Honestly, don't worry about it, and he won't. Have a takeaway picnic on the floor, and enjoy yourselves.

Motoko · 25/01/2018 10:23

i agree with the others, invite him round and if he doesn't like your lack of furniture, he's not a keeper.

Regarding a coffee table, if you have an Ikea near you, you could get a Lack coffee table for £16, or two Lack side tables for £5 each. If you get side tables, you can either put one at each end of the sofa, or push them together in front of the sofa, to make a coffee table.

MrWasheeWashee · 25/01/2018 10:24

Why don't you tell him your concerns in advance? If he likes you he won't care what your house looks like.

Theresnonamesleft · 25/01/2018 10:25

Don't explain anything. Why would you? People have different tastes. Some want everywhere filled with furniture and knick knacks, others like less. I prefer to have less because on a practical reason, its easier to keep tidy. If he judges you for this, it's his problem.

Clandestino · 25/01/2018 10:27

If the bathroom and the kitchen are clean and the bed linen is fresh, something's telling me he won't care about more.

BulletFox · 25/01/2018 10:29

MotherChuffing I completely hear you!!

I moved last month and am in a complete state of disarray! I have a deadline of Monday to impose a bit of order onto mayhem as a friend is visiting.

Invite him to yours for food and explain you're in the process of getting sorted.

Willswife · 25/01/2018 10:30

If it's bothering you make a joke of it. "Come over to mine and watch a film, we'll have to sit close to the telly though cause it's tiny and the new one won't have arrived in time" sort of thing.

I would say that it doesn't matter and it really doesn't, but I have been apologising for the state of my loo (clean but dated and not in a good way!) for the past few years. Sometimes the things that bother us about our homes aren't even noticed by others.