To share my fudgy bum with you...

[JackmanAdmirer]

Fudgy bum and shizzle trees.
Craters and Wanzzle woop.

Come on - what hilarious things to you say to stop swear words coming out around your kids?!

Rats or Toads or Bum

Fuuuhurry snakes! fools no-one

Oh Fiddlesticks!

Love a duck
Buggeration
Bum fluff

Fudging pumpernickels.

Nope, I've no idea why I say that - or how it started - either!

Shengis. It's a Scottish thing.

But mostly I just swear.

Yes, YABU. Why on earth wouldn't you just use the good swear words that have been invented for us?

Nothing better than a good 'fuck' or 'shit'. Depending on the context, obviously.

Can't stand all this twee substitution of nonsensical words.

four foot snake!

Shizzle (shit) as said by my dd

I'm with BIWI and dementedma.

Just swear.

For Pete's sake. Does anyone actually know who Pete is?!

Baubles.

Bumholes.

Also, "fornicating", instead of "fucking".

I used it at school the other day. "Come ON DS, we're already late, I've fornicating well had enough and I'm sure Mr CoolYoungTeacher wants to go home". "What does fornicating mean, mum?" "It means, er.................................flipping". (Mr CoolYoungTeacher creasing up in the corner).

My top go-to word is usually "bollocks!"

However. When I'm thinking about moderating my language (when I'm looking after my friend's 5 year old) it's "Pants and socks" or "pistachio nut"....

The last one comes from a comedian I watched once who did a monologue on using ice cream flavours as expletives. They're surprisingly effective.

Sugar plum fairies = shit

Lucifer?

Pete is St Peter.

shut the front door
Away and take a flying flip flop to yourself
Mother effer

Pants in a basket!
Shucks
Fluff it
Bum fluff
Mother Hubbard!

Fraggle

No kids here yet but we still have to watch the sweary words due to the parrot! Forky taily is the main one we use when he is in earshot

Gordon Bennett
Fudge
Godfathers
Sweet jaysus
Buggeration

Motherfeathers (said quite fast). Also, custard - a safe combination of two of my favourite insults

Squorrox. And a fair amount of Goon Show quoting goes on (you rotten swine, you!).

I recently drove a 3 year old from home to an activity that had been paid for, and then home again, as a favour to his mother as she was ill.

At one interesction as we waited for the light to change he told me, "The last time we were here, Mommy said 'Twuck!' weally loudly, but I yooked and there wasn't a twuck".

Oh bum-flaps!

Also, poo is referred to as 'bum nuggets' and bogies as 'nose boulders'.

Oh poop!
Fudgadoodles!
Oh crumbsicles!
Somehow becoming a Mum has turned me into a upper class twat but without any of the money!