To ask for your stories of sexism at 'corporate/professional' dinners

[PurpleGreenWhite]

In the light of the story about women being sexually harassed at a men only charity ball - AIBU to ask for your stories of sexism/inappropriate behaviour at 'corporate/professional dinners'.

I'd like to highlight that the extreme behaviour reported above is part of a continuum of #everydaysexism within the corporate world.

See also thread in FWR - which is discussing the recent men only charity ball

I've name changed for this - and suggest others may want to in order to keep their professional life separate from any usual MN name.

Year: 2017

Context: Large marquee type Christmas dinner event for multiple businesses (I attended as part of a mid sized accountancy firm)

Issue: Scantily glad women dancing in a sexual manner on a raised platform - in costumes which were basically bra and knickers with sheer material attached to the top of the knickers.

Issue: Male employees gawping at the above.

Issue: Silent auction being advertised by women walking around with signs held above their head. Very senior male employee says 'There's girl's for sale over there. Ha Ha etc'

I will add some more lowlights from other dinners shortly....

I used to work for a company that sold heating products to small developers/self builders. I was constantly asked if I was the receptionist, did I just do a bit of typing even though I’d been speaking with clients about their projects for months and I was now on site with them measuring up. And my email signature was sales and I’d given them my business card. The final straw was when I was left out of attending some big conferences where I could have picked up most of my leads for the next 12 months because “Phil looks more like a salesman”

Oh dear. You've twisted me saying I wouldn't mind someone paying me some attention now I'm getting over the hill and saying that instead I want to be sexually assaulted

This is exactly the problem with all this "I'm in" crap. You assume every man wants to assault someone.

I use my femininity for my own end all the time - still can just about pull it off. What's wrong with that. It's my life and I will act how I wish. If you want to go around assuming every male wants the put their hands up your skirt and be outraged at everything then that's fine.

A bit of flirting doesn't do any harm. It doesn't lead to rape. But I'm not sure some of you can see that from your skewed high moral castles.

I went to a 'women only' dinner in my particular industry (hosted by an overseas tourist board). All the 'hosts' were dressed in trunks, flippers, snorkels (think of the scene in Mama Mia - where they sing 'does your Mother know).

A lot of the atendees spent the evening goggling mens arses/chests etc.

It was grim, I didn't want a near naked man serving my Greek salad and chicken Souvlaki.

I think it's important to distinguish between sleazy behaviour and actual harassment.

I'm 40 and have worked in a professional
Environment since my 20's. Personally I think the tide is turning (a good thing) but that may just be because I'm older so I'm no longer the one on the receiving end of the poor behaviour.

My first job there was a senior man in my office. Everyone knew he was a sleaze. He would openly make inappropriate comments but he never touched me or attempted to get me alone. I think there were many men like him in the late 90's. I'm pretty certain they would get disciplined these days.

Since then everyone I have worked with in a day to day basis has been largely respectful in the office. Odd comment about appearance but this is largely banter and I find it difficult to get offended about that. I'm slightly more concerned about the fact that during my late 20's I was often trotted out as the token female for a dinner party table where external clients were present. Often propositioned mainly by fat old married men.

I had clients signing off their correspondence with a kiss (and a clear innuendo) - that would never happen to a man.

But I never felt in danger, or that I had to do something to further my career. That is very different to some of the stories of actual abuse coming out and I think it is vital that it is not all lumped together. I hope as a society that we are all becoming more respectful of each other and that is a good thing.

I've been at events like this. Marking place as I'm at work atm.

Massive global organisation launching an important healthcare product. I was the lone woman at an after meeting dinner. I was younger by about 20 years as I'd stepped into the meeting to cover my (male) boss who'd had a bereavement.

They were discussing whether people would be prepared to spend the money on the product given its obvious healthcare benefits but hefty price tag. CEO asked all the men "what do you spend on CDs/golf/ petrol" etc to prove that by diverting small discretionary spending people could easily afford it Then he looked at me and asked how much I spent on tampax, haircuts and mascara.

It doesn't sound like much but I was much more junior and got really flustered and they all laughed when I muttered that I didn't really know... I work in finance so the next day was all jokes about how they'd better check the numbers as my grasp of my own personal finances was so shakey...
Bastards.

I was likened to a prostitute because I was wearing a red dress. Said male colleague was drunk and generally lecherous for the whole evening. Sadly I still have to work with him.

Boss 4 times older than me when I was interning (18) would always email with a kiss at the end.

He would make up meetings to take me out of the office and go out in his Jag.

During these trips he would leer and say inappropriate comments.

He organised the Christmas party with a night away and turned up at my hotel room in the middle of the night; I turned him away and pretended it never happened.

The final straw was when he took it upon himself to start touching me during one of his trips out in his car and trying to remove my knickers.

Looking back, I would have left a whole lot earlier, but with this being part of my sandwich year and degree, I was terrified I would fail final year.

Unfortunately this is just one story of many throughout my life, as I'm sure is the same for a lot of women.

Several dinners/'awards' evenings for the M&A/private equity field (so investors/banks/lawyers/accountants and their investee companies represented) massive gala type things at Grosvenor House hotel in London or similar.... between about 2004 and 2010

The awards were always presented by a man of importance (head of something or other), but the trophy was handed to him by a 'beautiful woman' or group of beautiful women. the women were not introduced they were just their as decoration to hand the important man things (this was EVERY awards dinner I went to). I commented on it to the (mostly male) colleagues and guests at my table who just laughed awkwardly and changed the subject.

Jimmy Tarbuck was the entertainment at one of these dinners (God knows who booked him but anyway....) he opened his act by asking the men to give a round of applause for all the lovely ladies looking so beautiful that evening...... (this is less than 10 years ago, not the 1970s)

To be fair I never saw or heard directly sleazy behaviour from the guests in an environment which was always about 75% male. It was the prevailing male superiority/women for decoration culture that grated.

Herethereandeverywhere I was there too as the token pretty girl on the table!!

Purple was this at Milton Keynes?

I worked in a financial trading company in the 90's. Some of the traders played guess the knicker colour, when the secretaries would sashay through. And to be honest, from what I saw, they gave as good as they got! Some of them played upto it in a big way. Dressed flirtatiously, and it was obvious to the traders, that it was a two way thing. There were a lot of after hours clandestine affairs going on, and when one of the particularly provocative secretaries was sidelined by her married boss, having thrown herself at him for months, with open displays of thigh high, bust heaving costumes, on a daily basis, she suddenly turned tune and became the whimpering victim. I'm sorry, but I for one have had enough of this witch hunt against men. Today on the BBC, there is some poor girl and her protective, worried mother, giving an anonymous interview about the distress of serving at last year's presidential dinner. She was so distressed, she went to the after party too. And then she and her equally distressed mother, called the police, to report open flirtations (groping??) between men who were guests, and girls who were obviously happy to be there. The police rightly said there was no crime. And guess who was so distressed, that she felt brave enough to turn up again this year?! Unbelievable. We are not pathetic creatures, incapable of deciding our own boundaries. Some of these girls are happy with the boundaries they have set, and I don't think we've been told this story in it's full true context. I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel. Yes I've experienced a lot of banter and male highjinx in my time, but have never ever felt threatened by it, or unable to reassert my lack of intentions or interest. This is a story that has really gone too far.

Gone too far? Don't be ridiculous.

And you 'feel we haven't been told this story in its full true context' - what does that even mean?!

I'm sure there are women in the workplace who throw themselves at men. (Some might just call this flirting). But that's not what this story is about.

This is in no way a 'witch hunt' against men. It's about men, in the 21st century, still objectifying women.

And, as always, NAMALT. But there were an awful lot of them at that dinner

Really busybeez99? .

Mum to 2..................are you a mum to two boys by any chance?

I havent been to a corporate do like this but i have been judged on the "fuckability scale" I used to be ten stone overweight and the nasty comments i got shouted at me in the street by men about my size............too many times to count.

Then i lost the weight..................and the comments still happened but of course they were different. "its great that you havent lost it (the weight) off your tits" was one .

So ive had comments but from both ends of the spectrum When i was nearly 17 a 56 year old asked me to kiss him and he didnt mean a peck on the cheek either.

I'm not for one minute endorsing what happened at the President's Club, but I find it hard to believe that any of the girls signing up to do this REALLY were so naive as to not realise the likely nature of a 'job' as a 'hostess' which required a person to be' tall, thin and pretty' and wear black underwear and high heels ?.

The FT journalist claims some of the women employed were 'hoping to make contacts/ get job interviews' - interviews for what exactly?!

Mum2two Refusing work now ANY work could very well lead to Universal Credit and benefit sanctions.

Its about power and status.

Pebbles that does not give men a right to harass and grope. They actually had staff harassing the young women if they took too long in the loo.

If we're going to stamp out objectifying it will need to work both ways, and these guys need to put their shirts & trousers back on:
www.dreamboys.co.uk

I wonder how many people blaming the young women also voted for policies like UC

Because i will bet a penny to a pinch of shit that there is a correlation.

Pebbles there are loads of strip clubs catering for men.

can you please put up a link proving that there are just as many catering for women.

I used to work in a sex chatline office. Before that i was signing on and had a choice between this or more workfare. So i took the sex chatline job (back in 2001) i took payments and did the calls.

I and another woman who worked there asked the bosses if there were chatlines aimed at women They laughed and said No it would go bust within a month.

I was there for two and a half years and in that time there were two calls booked by women TWO and in both cases their boyfriend was with them and it was a threesome fantasy.

You cannot compare female sexuality to male It is not the same.

HelenaDove - I agree, but why even put yourself in that situation in the first place?
If they had been naive and not realised what the nature of the event was, then they should have been allowed to leave.

Just saw on the BBC website that one 'hostess' was offered a job a nanny on the night. Well, that's not going to be a normal nannying job is it?!

Ive never seen a male stripper It doesnt appeal to me But you cant compare because the power balance is different

PEBBLES I HAD A CHOICE BETWEEN A SEX CHATLINE OFFICE OR WORKFARE.

And that was 17 years ago BEFORE all the sanctions there are now.

CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!