To ask for your stories of sexism at 'corporate/professional' dinners

[PurpleGreenWhite]

In the light of the story about women being sexually harassed at a men only charity ball - AIBU to ask for your stories of sexism/inappropriate behaviour at 'corporate/professional dinners'.

I'd like to highlight that the extreme behaviour reported above is part of a continuum of #everydaysexism within the corporate world.

See also thread in FWR - which is discussing the recent men only charity ball

I've name changed for this - and suggest others may want to in order to keep their professional life separate from any usual MN name.

Year: 2017

Context: Large marquee type Christmas dinner event for multiple businesses (I attended as part of a mid sized accountancy firm)

Issue: Scantily glad women dancing in a sexual manner on a raised platform - in costumes which were basically bra and knickers with sheer material attached to the top of the knickers.

Issue: Male employees gawping at the above.

Issue: Silent auction being advertised by women walking around with signs held above their head. Very senior male employee says 'There's girl's for sale over there. Ha Ha etc'

I will add some more lowlights from other dinners shortly....

Age 16, groped and propositioned by boss and guests at the wedding venue I waitressed in.

Age 17, groped, propositioned, and verbally abused by a man in his 60s in the pub I glass-collected in. That was one incident, there were many.

Age 20, asked out, then fired (when I said no thank you) by the manager of the bar where I'd worked 2 years.

Many, many instances of sexual assault throughout ages 21-26 working in various roles in pubs and restaurants, including one fucking creep who followed me home and who I literally ran away from.

Then I started working in education. I saw a thread get accused of trollery for this the other day (didn't see how it turned out) but had several incidents of teenage boys masturbating in class. Graffiti listing things they'd like to do to female staff was common.

Different school: male staff going on 'boys only' nights out, ending up in strip clubs (Inc the married ones and the SLT), rating the female staff on "how many cans of beer would you have to drunk before you shared them", no female staff ever being invited on the 'good' school trips.

Oh, I forgot.

Age 17, waitressing executive boxes at a premiership football ground. Groped and asked for blow jobs by a bunch of men old enough to be my dad.

Another golf days one....early 2000s...male staff took all male group of customers to a golf day in St Andrews every year. Female finance and administration staff had to get dressed up in skirt suits to "hostess" the day. This involved driving round the course in golf buggies supplying drinks and chocolate bars to the golfers ( in skirt suits!). The females had to hang around all day running after the men. Senior female staff (including me) were "allowed" to drive up to St Andrews to join the men for a dinner in the evening.
Funnily enough, the same company had a discriminatory staff bonus policy going on where the only people who could earn a bonus just happened to have a penis. When I challenged this, the CEO used a football team analogy to say "It's like this, Dear, they are the strikers and you are just a defender"!!
Eventually I took them to a tribunal and won a settlement. Bunch of obnoxious dinosaurs.

At the launch of a vehicle at Frankfurt Motorshow and the manufacturer held a cocktail party the night before. Bloke from Holland would not stop pestering me even after I made it very clear I was married but think he thought I was playing hard to get. Finally he just said 'let's have sex' and 'what happens in Frankfurt, stays in Frankfurt'! Still being too polite as I didn't want to cause embarrassment, I repeated No however he then hung round the lift waiting for me to go to my room (was told this the next day).

One of the car Account guys saw how uncomfortable I looked and when the guy came back for another attempt, the very nice gentleman made out he was going to bed as he was tired and asked if anyone wanted walking back to their room, whilst looking directly at me, so I took him up on his offer.

I found out the next day the guy moved onto one of the Manufacturers female account managers after I left and he was thrown out, uninvited as a guest and removed from being invited to any further events and his employer advised about his behaviour that night.

So whilst disappointing I was harassed by this bloke which I shouldn't have had to have put up with, it was nice to see a company act the way they did, not just during the event but after and ensuring that this behaviour wasn't acceptable.

Good to see a lot of this in the past.

I'm still pretty astonished about my conference compare weeks ago though.

Notice in staff room advertising works do “All staff and their wives welcome”

Is the OP Germaine Greer?

Why do you ask that @MrsMaxwell?

Used to work for for a massive well know global company with all the gender and diversity training and initiatives you can shake a stick at. Dominated by men, but certainly a good number of women in visible senior positions - e.g. head of the entire business for the 4th largest country.

I went for a group photo on an internal course, and they wheeled out a man from the board for a Q&A and the photo. They sat all the women in the front row, with him in the middle, and he spread his arms wide and said "lucky me, to start my day surrounded by beautiful ladies".

Last year.

I felt so valued for my contribution to our profits that day, I can tell you

2011

Returning to work after having reconstructive breast surgery my male boss asked me if I’d had to buy new underwear, I was highly embarrassed and just mumbled some silly reply.

He was renowned for being a letch but still surprised me with that question.

Definitely good to see a company acting on this rather than paying lip service to it.
I used to work in a pretty geeky industry where there were no real initiatives to deal with sexism, and there was no real need for them to exist as gender just never seemed to matter. There were never any lads night's out - although we'd go out regularly with a wide variety of events (karting, bowling, skating, exotic cuisine restaurants etc).

Now I work in a completely different industry that is laden with gender / race / religion / safety initiatives and on paper, you'd think it was Utopia, when behind the scenes it's like stepping back 40 years. The 'front' is all bullshit.
I can be in a meeting where an event is organised, and it's the little phrases like 'we'd better invite so and so'.... as if it's an afterthought or special consideration. It's not just gender, it's age too.

It's so rife, it almost becomes invisible (if that makes sense). For instance, almost every time there's a publicity photo, some senior manager will say 'oh, get Hayley to pose with it' etc.. because she's young and attractive. But then the marketing department will do precisely the same - 90% of our product shots will feature young, good looking women (models), for no good reason. They say 'but this sort of image sells' and it seems the evidence is on their side - but I just hate it and it feels self-fulfilling and perpetuating the problem.

I can guarantee you that if you go to a large trade show, you'll find almost every company employing young attractive women to draw men to their stands, and I don't know what I loathe the most. The fact that firms employ this tactic, or the men that swarm to them.
I cannot deny that it works though, that's the saddest thing of all. But at either bookend of this problem is men... the men employing them and the men being suckered in by it.

Ellisandra, I was typing my post as you typed yours.
Illustrates what I see all the time.

Oh god yes, the use of the attractive female...

In 1997 I worked in a warehouse where you collected a picking sheet, and when you had finished picking everything on it, you went back to the office to collect another picking sheet.
Picking productivity went up on the days when the "most attractive" young female admin woman was in charge of giving out the picking sheets.

In 1995, I worked on a checkout where a company selling double glazing had a stand behind me. A young blonde girl used to get LOADS of leads.

In both cases, I just thought - these men are unbelievable. Do they really think they have a chance?

I'd watch ugly old men give their phone number to the blonde double glazing lead taker, whilst their wives glowered - and think, do you actually think she's the one coming to your house with a brochure? Or do you think she's going to secretly copy your number to ask you out?

I work in a professional role in a male dominated industry. At an evening organised by my company a colleague of mine asked me for a table dance, I was asked for my phone number on a couple of occasions and generally was stared at. I'd say in a room of 100 there were 10 women of which I was the youngest by 15 years (aged 20). The whole thing was hideously uncomfortable. When a similar evening was arranged on two further occasions I refused to go to which I was told it was 'expected' and 'necessary' I attend by a man who is now the chief exec. This was around 10 years ago.

I’m a solicitor and used to work for a large regional commercial law firm in an area dominated by men. 99% of my clients were men.

I had all the usual- left out of golf days. Literally the only few earner left out, casual sexism from the clients etc.

However the one that stands out the most is what happened to one of the secretaries.

My male colleague deliberately started putting his files on the bottom shelf so that he could watch her bending over to reach them. I pulled him up on this and was accused of jealousy!

I told her that if she wanted to complain about it I would back her up but she didn’t want the hassle.

Anyway the filing was moved to a more appropriate level.

Had a government tax audit on expenses that were claimed as entertainment. Told by boss to cover up all the visits to strip clubs with clients.

When you get to my age you'd do anything for something to want to accidentally graze your behind ...........

Why? Why would you want this ?

@BusyBeez99

Have none of you ever used your femininity to get what you want? If not then yes I agree you can be morally outraged by this sort of stuff. If you have ever flicked your hair and smiled and flirted to get a discount on something when served by a man, then it's called having double standards

Nope. Never have and never would. I used to work in advertising and saw it going on all the time. I very deliberately did not do this.

The women at the presidents club weren't forced to take the job and some quite enjoy it so I hear.

We don't know the circumstances of all 120 women. You have no idea what they were doing, what they had been told, or why they were doing the work. I find it hard to believe that so many of them would sign up if they knew they were going to be groped or asked if they were prostitutes. And you say some enjoyed it? How do you know this?

Sexual assault is wrong but we have to be so careful not to think every man is a sexual predator.

That's absolutely true. But the number of men attending this event would suggest that rather more of them than we would like are.

When you get to my age you'd do anything for something to want to accidentally graze your behind ...........

This is really sad. You really need to do something about your self-esteem if you would be grateful for being groped.

If that's aimed at me then yes, I am judging

In what way possible can you construe this to be a positive affair?

I have never used my feminine whiles to get what I want. I am an intelligent and capable woman. I would not appreciate having my arse grabbed by anyone except DH!! I also think a policy of “grab and just hope she is one of the few who would be flattered” is dreadful! I don’t go around grabbing people’s bums - it is completely unnecessary and offensive. Unless you are 100% sure (by dint of having asked or being in a pre-existing relationship) you should definitely keep your hands to yourself!

I can’t believe that a poster is so needy that they want someone to sexually assault them. That’s quite revolting and I think you need help.

I was at an awards dinner a few years ago. The pre-drinks entertainment was 3 girls singing. Beautiful voices, but dressed like strippers / prostitutes. Totally unnecessary