AIBU just not to go

[Bringsusbacktodo]

SIL is getting married in a few months and she and MIL are in the middle of all the excitement and preparations. MIL is running the show and getting the wedding she thought DH and I should have had.

DH and I got married over a year ago, SIL was one of our bridesmaids - she was a (28yo!) brat! She and her Mum made the whole thing a memory I'd rather forget.

We didn't have a lavish wedding but all MIL could talk about was how much things cost (she didn't pay for anything - we did) over 3/4 of the guest list was DH's family but she pushed for me to cut guests to bring costs down because 'my side were just friends' (No I didn't and I'm reminded that I didn't on a regular basis!)

My other BM tried to organise my hen do as a surprise but despite being told that several times MIL took it upon herself to tell me the details.

MIL blanked me on the day too and on the day after told DH to leave the her house and not come back. He went after her and sorted it out.

Things haven't got much better since (with me at least - with DH it's fine, he runs after them, texts every day, updates on everything we're doing and says they are his family and that's it)

Christmas this year was awful (I cried every day for a week because of them being cruel and petty - not proud of that! I have a backbone in everything else I swear!)

It's over a year ago but everything that happened still hurts (stupidly I know - not happy with myself for letting it!) maybe more so because I lost my Mum pretty young (20+ years ago)

I can't bring myself to get involved in all the prep for SILs 'Big Day', the thought of going on her hen weekend is nauseating! We are very different people.

I'll go to the wedding because DH wants me to but AIBU or AIB petty just not to go to the hen or get involved in the run up?

Oh goodness he this gets worse.

Please rethink TTC till you get him this sorted. Or your life will be misery.

And I think he's really unkind to your father. And you.

The fact that your husband is being tit for tat with your family says a lot about him , my husband completely understands why I’m NC with his mum ( his dad is now deceased) , but he is an integral part of ‘my’ family . Dh often spends weekends on his own at my mums and sisters house doing their diy etc .

Don't go! You aren't close and am sure if she ignored you at your wedding she isn't going to make you feel welcome at hen party! Find out the day and be busy! If it helps you feel not alone, we had a 40 person wedding, 20 people each and my mil invited 6 friends, as well as her, FIL, and my husbands 2 brothers and their plus ones my husband only got to invite 8 people to his own wedding! Her guests were all friends I haven't met before and doubt will meet again!!

Don't go to the hen, but do go to the wedding. The fact you miss the hen will probably be commented on less than if you were to miss the wedding. Go and pretend to be really happy and smiley and then no one can say anything about you then definitely avoid your in laws as much as possible.

My MIL pulled loads of passive aggressive shit. My dh would ignore it because she’d play the victim and she was a single parent. We argued about it a lot. He’s distanced himself from her and she’s now civil but it has caused a lot of issues.

Hmm I too would think carefully about children. If they are in your timeline you should tell your dh that his behaviour is not that of someone you really want to have children with.

I really feel for you x I could’ve written this post. My MIL made my life hell from the day I met her son my SIL was no better either. I was also blanked on my wedding day! To this day I don’t know what their problem was. I’m now separated from my husband (he also didn’t stand up for me) and preferred to bury his head in the sand. I couldn’t understand why my own husband wouldn’t defend me. I found it hurtful and disrespectful. Although we had other issues, his family played a big part in our break up which is sad. Please stand up for yourself and don’t do anything that involves them if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I’m their problem not yours and unfortunately people like that are unlikely to change x x

*it’s