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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pretty miserable without DP?

35 replies

Thisnamechanger · 24/01/2018 00:05

How much does everyone miss their DP while he/she is away?

Me and DP officially "live" 200 miles apart but in reality he works in the same city as me most weekdays at my place and we spend most weekends either here or together where he lives.

I really, really, really miss him when he's away though. I don't cry or anything but I feel generally very pulled down and sad; wishing we were together and thinking about him loads. I see my friends and exercise while he's away and I do enjoy it and manage to have a laugh but the nagging sadness is always there.

We've been together two years so it's not a super new relationship.

Do others feel this way of you live apart from DP some of the time? I sometimes worry I'm a bit needy and co-dependent.

OP posts:
Bahhhhhumbug · 24/01/2018 00:13

I've been married seven years been together 11 and DH is in the building trade which means working away sometimes on certain contracts. I do miss him terribly still especially at night, just someone to curl up with watch TV or chat to. Having said that l usually get lots more done in the house on my own with no distractions and not having to stop at set times to eat or whatever. If its more than a week lkwym about the sadness kind of hangs over you. It's natural to want to be with someone when you love them suppose.

Original poster
Thisnamechanger · 24/01/2018 00:18

Glad it's not just me. I get loads done too TBF. Washing and tidying my tiny flat etc.

I get bloody cold at night too!

OP posts:
Bahhhhhumbug · 24/01/2018 00:24

I don't understand from your Op sorry just reread it. Does he stay at yours during the week then you spend weekends at his or yours some weekends but not all if lm understanding that right? Does he tell you he misses you too, my DH hates having to work away and says he really misses me. Is there anyway in the future your set up may change?

starzig · 24/01/2018 00:30

I do miss my DP when he is away but on the other hand I can eat vegan meals, watch what I want on telly and sofa spread. Get a bit bored if it's more than a week though.

HateTheDF · 24/01/2018 00:37

My DP and I have been together 7 years (6 years living together) and haven't spent a night apart since we moved in together. Before that it was a LDR (210 miles apart) and I missed him so much. This summer he's going to have to go away on business for 5 weeks and I'm dreading it.

I don't think you are being too needy, I think it's just the feelings you get when you love someone and want to spend time with them.

Original poster
Thisnamechanger · 24/01/2018 00:42

Does he tell you he misses you too

I was going to mention that but I was worried it sounded a bit mushy!

Yeah, he does, a lot. He's a bit better at dealing with it by staying really busy but he gets really blue too. We WhatsApp on and off all day...nothing important just random stream of consciousness nonsense and rubbish.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisnamechanger · 24/01/2018 00:43

This summer he's going to have to go away on business for 5 weeks and I'm dreading it.

DP was in the Canaries all summer last year Sad

It was hard but I had some lovely long weekends! 😎

OP posts:
Original poster
Thisnamechanger · 24/01/2018 00:45

I can eat vegan meals

I hear that actually...not a big meat eater when DP isn't here so have loads of veggie pasta Grin

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 24/01/2018 00:51

What is stopping you moving in together? After two years that would seem logical

Original poster
Thisnamechanger · 24/01/2018 00:54

Hi crisp
It's my bastard job. I work in an utterly stupid tiny industry that doesn't exist outside London. If I can figure out a way to make money elsewhere I'll be a country bumpkin with a dog and a vegetable patch in a hot minute!

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 24/01/2018 00:59

But couldn't he move in with you if he works in the same area?

Original poster
Thisnamechanger · 24/01/2018 01:13

He's here while he's on a contract but there no point us both living here full time in between because of London rents and him still having a mortgage back home.

OP posts:
Emily7708 · 24/01/2018 01:18

To be honest, no! I love it when he goes out or away and I get a bit of space, unfortunately it doesn’t happen often. But we’ve been together for over 25 years - I probably missed him when the relationship was new and exciting.

WilyMinx · 24/01/2018 04:53

He's here while he's on a contract but there no point us both living here full time in between because of London rents and him still having a mortgage back home.

Can you find a place to rent together, and then he rents out his own place?

Honestly, not me, I lived alone for 8 years before getting married and love having alone time.

juliesaway · 24/01/2018 04:57

Gosh, people saying they haven’t spent a night apart in years or decades.
Me and my other half are apart for a couple of days most weeks due to work.

heron98 · 24/01/2018 04:59

I'm amazed some of you have never spent a night apart! Dp and I often go away with our respective friends. I'm away this weekend for example with one of mine.

Yes I miss him but absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Bowerbird5 · 24/01/2018 05:14

DH has just gone today. Works away weeks at a time about 400 miles from me. I don't miss him. We speak on the phone every couple of days when he gets time. We've been together forty one years. You get used to it eventually. I used to miss him a lot and the kids did. It used to drag but now it doesn't at all. Occasionally I think hmm time you went back to work when he is here. He retires in less than two years. A whole new ball game!
Make sure you don't drop your friends when he is home it isn't fair if they are there to support you when he is gone.

TiredMumToTwo · 24/01/2018 05:14

I’m away with work overnight today, can’t wait to have some space & time to myself. My DH always says how much he misses me when I’m not there & all I can think about is the bliss of a hotel room all to myself!

Dozer · 24/01/2018 05:26

The obvious answer would be for him to move close to London and move in together . Sounds like he doesn’t wish to do this. Is uncertainty about the relationship’s future contributing to the week to week sadness?

stickytoffeevodka · 24/01/2018 05:53

Of course I miss DP, but I can't say I feel sad about it. I have a life outside of our relationship and generally I quite enjoy some relaxing alone time without him constantly tinkering with things around the house.

I would, however, feel more sad if I didn't feel it was a truly committed relationship. It's a bit unusual after two years not to be planning to live together (or doing so already) - what happens when his contract in London runs out? Are you going to live apart for the rest of your lives and only see each other at weekends?

If I thought that was my future in a relationship I'd probably be quite miserable too. I know it works for some but I wouldn't want a marriage where we're apart for the majority of the week.

MistressDeeCee · 24/01/2018 06:21

I've been with DP 5 years. We don't live together. I love him but not fussed about living with a man again. 2 failed marriages put paid to that. I like my space. Also DC2 still lives here whilst saving for a mortgage deposit. We see each other twice a week, also out together most Friday or Saturday nights.

But there are times - this evening was one - when I suddenly really miss him. Just in the mood to chill and chat listen to music with a glass of wine. I can tell him when I feel like that, no biggie. So he's coming over tonight

I don't get your post tho OP - it sounds as if he spends weekdays at yours as he works in your city - and you do spend some weekends together either at yours or his? So..when do you miss him...?

PeterRabbitsBlueCoat · 24/01/2018 06:26

Yes and no.

I miss the practical help with the kids/housework etc. But I enjoy the space! Somehow the house is much tidier when he's not here Grin

That said, he's about to go away for a month for the first time since DD2 was born & I'll be on my own with 2 kids under 2, which I'm not particularly looking forward to !

I find your set up a bit confusing though to be honest. If you both desperately miss each other, why can't he just move in with you and rent his house out? You mention London rents, but if he's at yours a lot of the time anyway why can't he just live there permanently? And get a new job in London once his contract runs out?

AstridWhite · 24/01/2018 06:49

I agree with Peter

Surely he's spending money on commuting 200 miles and you are paying two sets of bills which seems daft.

DH and I have always spent quite a bit of time apart due to his work schedule. Over the years it's varied from a 3 or 4 weeks a year to 3 or our months a year. I'll be honest, I love it. Grin

norfolkenclue · 24/01/2018 06:53

Military. That's all.

LolitaLempicka · 24/01/2018 07:05

It does sound a bit needy tbh. My DH is currently over 6000 miles away until August. (We will see each other in that time!) and I am not at all bothered.

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