Future money plans for dc

[NailsNeedDoing]

I'm a long way off needing to worry about this too much, but as my dc is getting older I'm wondering what other people do in situations like this.

I'm a single parent to a son, I'm lucky enough to own my home outright, and in the (distant) future I plan to downsize to leave me with enough money to buy somewhere small for me to live and to give to my son to buy a small property outright or a decent chunk towards a family home. Obviously, I don't yet know exactly which directions our lives will take us, but I've been considering what would be the best thing to do when I'm ready to move and when my son is ready to buy a home either alone or with a partner.

How would I ensure that my son is able to benefit from having a secure home for the rest of his life, without the risk of losing it if he were to divorce or, God forbid, he were to die early leaving children? Those children may even go on to have half or step siblings to their surviving parent. Is it even possible to make restrictions? Does it make me a horrible person to consider protecting an asset from someone who could potentially bear my grandchildren and would I be setting myself up for a difficult relationship with a DIL, or is it wise to ensure that my son will always have a home for himself and to accommodate his children if I can?

I really don't know. My heart says gift it all with no strings attached and risk that it be lost either to stupidity or someone else, but my head says that might not be sensible. I don't know what my exact AIBU is, just what do other people think is a reasonable choice in similar situations?

See a solicitor, set up a will trust.

Are you likely to have more children?

I find this very odd. Surely if he has children you would want him to provide for them, either in the event of his death or divorce?

If I were your hypothetical future DIL I would find this upsetting, but I'd also find it upsetting if I were your son to have those kind of strings attached.

I’m not sure it’s fair to gift something with restrictions. I’d be a bit worried if the home I shared with my DH wouldn’t be my own if something happened to him.
Also if a future partner puts money into the house as well that would make it half hers.

My dc will get a sum of money aged 18 and another at 25

When we both pass away what we have will be split between the four of them

If the house were not to be passed on to your son’s family who WOULD it go to? What would you do if he decided to sell the home, give the money to the cats home and go and live in a commune in India? Would you even be alive to worry about it?

May I gently suggest you are waaaay overthinking this? How lovely to be able to gift this to your son. But it sounds to me that you are not willing to accept that he will have his own life which will involve disposing of his own property as he wishes. If you are not willing to do that you could just not buy the property.

Set up a pension for him. I’ve set up an ISA and pension for my son. He won’t be able to touch the pension until he’s 55. Very long term planning, I know, but it’ll be a lot of cash that might come in handy. It’s also tax efficient as I pay in 80% and the government add 20%, so ‘free’ money as long as I invest it well.

My the time it comes to sell houses might be worth peanuts again.

I probably was over thinking this, but not in a problematic way.

Of course if my son died young then I would want his home to go to his family, but that's the whole point. Is it possible to ensure it goes to his children rather than be split between other peoples children or possibly left entirely to someone else. In the event of divorce I'd want him to be able to provide a home for his children, but I know men now that struggle to do that post divorce because the woman has kept the home. There are many 'what ifs'.

Very unlikely to have more children.

I can see what you mean. I've pondered this myself for my ds. I wouldn't want to buy him a house/give a large hard earned deposit for it to be lost on a divorce case. However, que sera and all that! The pension is a very good idea. Money at 50+ handy to finish paying a mortgage or to enable an early retirement.

You cannot control the disposal of property that doesn’t belong to you. The only way to provide a home for your son and retain control is for him to rent from you a property you own. Not sure a future partner/wife/husband would be happy to go along with that long term. So he’d end up buying somewhere else by himself anyway.

You refer to it as your son's home - so it would be for him to set up a will or whatever legal arrangement would be required to ensure it was passed to his children in the event of his sudden death, if that's what he wants to do.

If you give a big chunk to pay off most the house, but what if his partner helps pay the rest of the mortgage?
Surely then you've for no chance of having a say in whether any of it is hers if she has helped pay for it.

You can leave the property in a trust. You need to speak to a solicitor.

I think that if you chose to gift your child some money then it becomes theirs. If they chose to leave it to their wife, or children or step children it ceases to be your business. If you want to keep control of your money then keep your money!

You could loan him the money for house (interest free), contingent on him living there. So it would be paid back if house sold, reliant if he needs to buy somewhere else but it's not "his" money.

This is a minefield. You need proper legal advice.

If your future DIL gives up work to take care of your grandchildren, in the case of divorce, don't you think she'd be entitled to a share of the house?

Is your own experience with a partner colouring your view here? It seems an odd request to try and control what happens in a generation or two after you are dead.

The most sensible thing would be for a pre-nup for if and when he were to marry. It’s not particularly romantic but let’s be realistic, divorce happens. However the flip-side is that you DS leaves the mother of his children in the lurch whilst he goes off galivanting with his new girlfriend, it happens!

Money, inheritance and all that is such a divisive issue, there is no easy solution.

I would focus on raising a savvy, respectful son who's able to sort himself out to be quite honest. As long as there's no SEN/disability, adults who are given good guidance as a child can work these things out for themselves, rather than have them second guessed decades in advance.

I agree with a PP, you need to seek legal advice, but I'd be prepared for it to cause some bad feeling.

Give it away free from any conditions but maybe in stages? Eg deposit, wedding, birth of DC etc.
Surely if he died you and he would want his family looked after?
I can understand your concern that someone may marry him/divorce him take half etc.
But equally he may want to divorce and better to be happy than stay together just for money.

I think this is bizarre. Just imagine if your son (without the advantage of owning a property), meets and marries a woman who owns her house. It was given to her by her parents, but your son cannot share it because of her parents dictated it! She goes out to work, while your son looks after the children. Then, if they divorce, your son is out on his ear, maybe with the kids.

Tbh op, if my dad offered me a load of cash on the proviso that I got a pre nup, agreed to disinherit any current or future step children or half siblings etc I wouldn't accept it!